


Triangulation

by magicmau5



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Be Careful What You Wish For, Canon Compliant, Canonical Character Death, Explicit Language, I have no regrets, I totally cried when I wrote this, M/M, Manga Spoilers, Multi, Original Character(s), Plot Twists, You Have Been Warned, also general cheesiness, cheesy enough to embarrass a plate of nachos, post-chapter 69, you might cry too
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-12
Updated: 2017-05-10
Packaged: 2018-10-17 20:47:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 9
Words: 65,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10601943
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/magicmau5/pseuds/magicmau5
Summary: Levi and Jean vie for Eren's affections. Who will emerge the victor?This fic takes place after Chapter 69 in the manga. It has tons of manga spoilers in it so it’s best to read up to Chapter 93 in Shingeki no Kyojin before reading this.





	1. Revelation

**Author's Note:**

> So I’m gonna be honest with y’all and admit it’s been quite some time since I’ve written and I’m fairly embarrassed to present this to you. Like, super embarrassed. I don’t have a beta so bear with me! I have 9 chapters planned for this but there might be room for more.  
> Lastly, I will link songs that sort of summarize what's going on and were inspirational for writing each chapter. I hope you enjoy.  
> Disclaimer: I don’t own Shingeki no Kyojin and I sure as heck don’t profit off this.

The soundtrack for this chapter is Human by Rag’n’Bone Man. By soundtrack I mean that listening to it was inspirational for writing this chapter. Listen to it [here](https://open.spotify.com/track/3erAiWBiKsbVG39cqCrsI0) on Spotify, [here](https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/human/id1173599753) on iTunes or [here](https://youtu.be/L3wKzyIN1yk) on YouTube.

I made a Spotify playlist for this story so it’s easier to listen to the songs, it’s called, unsurprisingly [Triangulation](https://open.spotify.com/user/1268346461/playlist/3P9rmkMUfWFvv6zLY1vdPr)

* * *

 

“I never understand. It’s always been that way…even if I believe in my own strength…even if I believe in the choices of the comrades that I trust wholeheartedly…no one can ever know how it will end.” - Levi Ackerman, Shingeki no Kyojin Gaiden — Kuinaki Sentaku

———

Levi

 

When I think back on it, it was probably the tooth that did it. The tooth that went flying after I kicked him in the jaw as hard as I could, falling to the floor several feet away in the stunned silence of the courtroom. I remember later sitting down next to him as he nervously explained that no, he didn’t resent me. And you know what? That goddamn tooth grew back. Suddenly I knew whatever damage I did to his body would be quickly healed with his powers of Titan regeneration. I hate to admit it, but that knowledge gave me a giddy, almost erotic sense of power that I’d never felt before, or have since. 

I was impressed that he was willing to be subjected to punishment as part of that perverse spectacle all in order to help humanity against the Titans. He also had faith that I would keep him safe, despite whatever actions I took in the courtroom to make it seem like I had him under control. When he was later placed in my charge, the fact that he was mine to manipulate at will was too much of an attraction to ignore. It was only inevitable that after that moment I would begin the slow relentless fall into whatever the fuck they call it, lust or love or simply obsession.

I’ll readily admit to having something like “feelings” for Eren Jäger, but not to anyone aloud. That would be a) completely inappropriate, b) fucking embarrassing, c) suicidal, considering his relationship with Mikasa Ackerman, d) a lost cause since I’m at least ten years his elder, and e) idiotic because Eren has at least a 60% chance of dying in the near future anyway. What’s the point of trying to get close to someone when all those barriers exist? Much better to just do my job, ask no questions, and keep my eyes off his (rather fine) ass.

But it’s nearly impossible to do so. In fact, his ass is so appealing that I find my eyes drawn to it every time I’m in his presence. It’s probably just because I’m trying to avoid looking at it that it’s become so attractive to me, but the fact remains that I _just can’t stop looking_. And I’m afraid others have seen me looking, judged and found my behavior lacking. Either that or they just think it’s damn hilarious, which is how I suspect Erwin considers the situation. I’m afraid I caught him smirking at me the other day, when he said, “I look forward to working with you,” to Eren after the trial. What the fuck, Erwin, give me a break! I mean, have you seen that ass???

And it’s not only the ass, it’s the face, the eyes, the perfect skin, every small detail about him that makes me want to scream from the top of Wall Rose. Don’t get me wrong, I think his personality is kind of adorable as well. I love the way he has so much energy and internal drive that he climbed to the top of his class through sheer willpower alone. I love the way he has such a close relationship with his two best friends, something I miss more than I care to admit. I love to see the pure unadulterated hatred in his eyes when he talks about murdering Titans. I love everything about the brat, and he does not and cannot know such an embarrassing secret. 

Does that mean I love him? I don’t know. Whether or not I do doesn’t change anything.

What brought all this introspection on? I suppose seeing Kenny bleeding out, covered in burns and barely able to speak may have something to do with it. Kenny was the only father figure I ever had, and however many fucked up things he did, he was there for me when no one else was. Now he’s gone, just as my mother went before him. Not to mention Isabel and Farlan. If I stop and think about it, everyone I’ve ever gotten close to has died except for Erwin and Hange, and I can’t really count those two because we just work together. The prospect of getting close to someone as sweet and innocent as Eren, only to have him die or be abducted in battle is too much for me to handle.

A part of me says that I’m a coward too afraid to be rejected and lose something I have no right to lay claim to in the first place. That part of me tells me to get my shit together and just tell him already, what do I really have to lose? Everyone else that matters to me is dead, so the only one judging me is me. And probably Erwin. But fuck him, he would probably find it amusing if it actually turned out that I have feelings like any other human. So what if fraternizing with your subordinates is looked down upon. Who else can I really relate to and find things in common with? 

I have no desire for casual sex. I tried it once and it made me feel dirty, used, cheap. It may sound strange, but I actually want to have a relationship with someone on a permanent basis. I just haven’t found the right person — a person that reciprocates my feelings, someone talented enough to end up in my squad, tough enough to put up with my bullshit, smart enough to see through my defenses, and lucky enough not to die. So far, Eren qualifies on every level except he’s so oblivious that he doesn’t understand both that he likes me and that I like him back. Because I’ve seen the way he looks at me, with adoration in his eyes, only to blush when I catch him staring. In an ideal world, one without massive walls made of monsters, we would be fucking on every possible surface at this point. However, the world is cruel and harsh, and I have to defend our walls. That means I have no time for Eren’s perfect ass, no time for his adorable personality and absolutely no time for romance.

I swear I’m not a coward.

* * *

Eren

 

I ate my father I ate my father I ate my father I ate my father what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck WHAT THE FLYING FUCK. WHAT THE FUCK, DAD, WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU FUCKING EVEN THINKING? I can’t believe I did that, I can’t believe my amnesia was bad enough that it covered up such a heinous act of barbarity. I ate my father for fuckssake! I should be in jail right now, or at least some kind of correctional institution since it happened when I was so young. 

That’s basically all I’ve been able to think about ever since Rod Reiss the roast chicken Titan was killed. That I ate my father and I feel immensely guilty about it, in addition to the rest of the guilt of being responsible for countless civilian and military deaths due to my incompetence as a shifter. If only I had better control over my powers. If only I’d never received my powers, my dad was still alive and none of this had happened at all. 

On the other hand, if I hadn’t eaten my father then I wouldn’t have been able to carry the boulder in Trost and we wouldn’t have the ability to fix the breach in Shiganshina. It’s all so confusing that I feel a vicious headache brewing behind my eyes. Can’t anything be simple these days? Is there a single thing I can count on to be reliable, steadfast and true?

The mess hall is subdued after the battle with Reiss. We had been very close to another breach in the wall. Who knows how many ancient Titans trapped inside would have emerged in the resulting destruction? I push oily pieces of potato around my plate but I have no appetite. I recall how I used to sit with the old squad, Oluo and Petra squabbling over whether or not he was trying to act like the Captain. Now they are forever silenced. Four more dead piled onto the ever increasing mountain of corpses I stand upon, dead people I am responsible for. How many more will die before I can gain control over my abilities? Will I ever be anything more than a pathetic monstrosity, doomed to be alone for the rest of my life?

I catch my breath as Captain Levi sits down next to me with his breakfast. I glance at him out of the corner of my eye and find him looking at me oddly. Why is he looking at me? Is there food on my face? Why is he sitting next to me? I rack my brain for reasons that he would act this way and come up with a whole bunch of nothing.

To my right, Mikasa clears her throat loudly and I turn to her with the desperate hope that she can drive these confusing and morbid thoughts from my mind. “So Historia, you did an amazing job out there this morning,” she says. “Everyone’s talking about it.”

What’s this? Is she jealous that people are acknowledging Historia when Mikasa is clearly the more talented soldier on every level? Nervous at the implications of this, I bite my lip and have to stifle a squeal when the Captain’s hand comes to rest on my knee. Was that supposed to be a supportive gesture? Because it sure scared the shit out of me. I flinch automatically and draw away from him ever so slightly; I notice that he sighs almost inaudibly and moves his hand away immediately. The absence of his hand makes me feel somehow even more isolated, and I wonder why I withdrew from him when the sensation was actually both comforting and, oddly enough, exciting.

I try not to think about it too hard and concentrate on Historia’s face and her response to the comment in an attempt to ground myself. Of course, that doesn’t help at all because I begin to notice all her cute aspects — her beautiful shining hair, large eyes and bright smile — and my cheeks warm in what is most likely a blush. I scrub at my cheeks with my shirtsleeve in an attempt to cool them down. Am I developing a little crush on the new queen? Now, how idiotic and ridiculous that would be!

Historia smiles at Mikasa ingenuously and I recall how brave she had been to jump onto the steaming shoulder of her father’s Titan and slice him down. _She really is a sweet person_ , I think to myself, _despite having considered killing me yesterday_. She had her reasons, and they seemed valid at the time. I had been willing to give myself up to her, and let her eat me in order to gain the power and memories of her sister’s Titan. Part of me still wishes she had done so.

I stare down at my plate miserably. Why hadn’t she just eaten me? I’m completely useless. So I can toss some explosives at a giant roast chicken Titan. Historia can actually kill one, without the need for any superhuman powers. Mikasa can probably kill a whole field of them, and Captain Levi can most likely take down an entire army unaided. Why am I even kept around here when there are such talented people to take my place? Oh, right, the Titan thing. My Titan isn’t even that big, can’t talk, and I have a long way to go still in working on hardening my skin. I can’t help the sigh that escapes me. I despise my countless weaknesses, and the feeling grows stronger every day.

“Oi Eren, what’s with the long sigh?” Jean asks. I look up and see concern in his eyes; he seems genuinely curious. 

_How strange_ , I wonder. _Surely he must be in a bad state himself if he’s not taking the opportunity to make fun of me. He must either be really hungry, tired, or both._

“Ah…it’s nothing, Jean. I’ve just been thinking, maybe it would’ve been better if Historia had eaten me.”

I can immediately feel all eyes glued to me. Once more, I feel the telltale heat in my cheeks as I flush in embarrassment and stare at my plate again. “I just think that Frieda’s powers would be better used by Historia,” I explain.

“What!” Historia exclaims. “I thought we’d resolved that yesterday. I have no desire to be a god, and I don’t want to go crazy. You’re doing well enough on your own. Why are you second-guessing yourself?”

Again, I reflect that she’s a very sweet girl. She’s also lovely, and part of me wonders when this crush took root. Had it been when she refused to eat me? Seriously, if that’s all it takes for me to fall in love then I’m in trouble. I scratch my head, not knowing how to respond. “I, uh…I don’t know.”

“The boy is tired and needs rest, that’s all,” Captain Levi announces. His hand reaches for my leg a second time and pats it soothingly. The action sends bolts of lightening shooting up my leg and all along my spine. My leg jerks but I don’t move away this time. If anything, I’m ashamed to admit that I lean into his touch. “Why don’t you all go take a nap. None of us have had sleep in quite some time.”

Before I have a chance to get embarrassed again, he is already standing up to take his dishes to be washed. The others must notice my wide eyes and the fact that I keep staring at his retreating back, though. Mikasa simply urges me to eat, and I begin to mechanically shovel food in my mouth. I don’t taste it though. All I can think about now is the sensation of the Captain’s hand on my leg. _That’s odd_ , I think. _When did he become such a touchy-feely sort of person?_ I think back on my reactions to both him and Historia. I refuse to connect the two. Of course, I probably have a crush on the girl. She’s a girl, after all, and a pretty one at that. It’s impossible that I might be attracted to my Captain as well. Because wouldn’t that practically be announcing that I’m suicidal and the biggest idiot of them all?

Space is at a premium in the Olbd district barracks, so I have to sleep in the same room as Armin, Connie and Jean. I don’t particularly mind, but I hear Jean complaining under his breath as I pass him to climb up to the top bunk. _He wouldn’t have complained if it was Marco_ , I muse. Thinking of Marco makes me recall again the faces of Captain Levi’s old squad and the many other faces of those who have died fighting alongside me. My temples throb with the pain of my headache, and it seems to worsen as my depressing thoughts spiral into a endless loop of self-recrimination.

Part of me is glad that I’m alive and still able to fight our enemies, but part of me wishes I had just remained in that Titan’s belly. Do I really deserve to be alive? Do I deserve to have the power of a king? My immediate answer is no, I should be punished for eating my father and no, only kings should be given the power that is reserved for royalty. But I know that is taking the easy way out. It is much harder to stay alive and protect what is precious to me — my friends and all the countless people who rely on my strength and abilities to keep them safe. I made a promise that I would fight the Titans and enemies of humanity, and I will fight to the death if necessary. 

If Historia has faith in me, I will trust in her judgement. Just as I fall asleep I admit to myself that I am probably more than a little bit in love with her, it isn’t just a childish crush, and that I had better get over it quick before it messes with my head any further. Queens can’t fall in love with monsters, no matter what the fairy tales in Armin’s books say.

* * *

 Jean

 

The Captain was eyefucking Eren again. He seriously took at least a full minute to check out Eren from head to toe, and the way he did it made me wonder how long it would take before he propositioned Eren to join him in bed. And you know what the worst part of it was? Not that I was mortified by the thought of two men sleeping together, or by the thought of my superior officer making a move on his subordinate. No, I was shocked to recognize the white hot burning sensation in my gut for what it truly was — jealousy. I was jealous of my Captain. Because he had a far better chance than me of flirting with Eren and not getting immediately shut down.

I have no clue when this whole wretched business of my crush on Eren started, but now that I’m aware of it I feel physically sick most of the time. Like, my heart literally hurts every time I fucking look at the bastard. In fact there seems to be a near constant ache in the vicinity of my chest ever since he jumped off the ledge in the Reiss cave. When he jumped, I felt like all my internal organs plummeted in fear and the logical half of me split off, thinking, _Why exactly am I so worried? It’s just another one of his idiotic antics, and his Titan powers will help him regenerate if he gets hurt somehow._ But that irrational side of me with the organs on the floor said, _What if he’s not okay and I never get to talk to him again? Never get to verbally abuse him? Never get in another stupid fight, punch his pretty face or talk shit about him again?_ That side of me grew stronger and stronger until I was on the edge of hyperventilation. When Eren emerged from his hardened Titan form I was so relieved I nearly rushed at him and gave him a hug. But the logical (cowardly) side of me argued that real men don’t give hugs and Eren would certainly not want to be touched by me of all people after enduring yet another tortuous kidnapping.

After observing Eren blush at the Captain’s attention at breakfast I really, really fucking regret not giving him that hug. I’m not sure if Eren’s aware that he likes the Captain, but he’s obviously smitten, it’s almost written in indelible ink across his forehead. I can just see him trying to write on his face with the help of Armin, “property of Levi.” He has it that bad. He gets this hungry puppy dog look on his face whenever he’s around the Captain, and I can practically imagine him with a tail wagging happily whenever the Captain says something to him. It can be anything, even curt instructions to fucking do laundry. Whatever form the attention takes, Eren accepts it eagerly, as if the sun shines directly out of the Captain’s ass.

And you know what’s even worse? I actually care. I care that Eren is indifferent or outright hostile towards me. I care that he prefers the Captain, Mikasa, Armin, even Connie and everyone else over me. I think I rank somewhere between Things That Are Barely Tolerated and Things That Must Be Avoided At All Costs. To be entirely honest, I probably deserve it, but that doesn’t make it any easier. Can you imagine watching your crush falling in love with someone else while hating you at the same time? That’s about where I’m at right now. On the opposite end of a love triangle that no one has the balls to openly acknowledge. 

I am comforted by the fact that the Captain, for his part, seems unable or unwilling to acknowledge his feelings for Eren. I may not be as clever as Armin but I can distinguish a cursory glance from outright eyefucking. However, I also know that he hasn’t acted on whatever lewd thoughts are occupying his mind because I know I’d sense a difference in Eren. Right now he still has the air of an untouched virgin and I’d like it to stay that way, at least until I gather the courage to do something about my own feelings for him. Because I have decided I’ll do something about this perpetual heartache. There’s no point in watching from the sidelines if I can thwart the Captain’s plans (assuming he has any). Because there’s no way in hell I’m letting that man take what belongs to me.

That doesn’t mean I’m not pissed at Eren for making me like this. I mean, how dare he be so hot? It’s simply unfair. How am I supposed to ignore his pert little ass and all too innocent green eyes? I swear, it’s all his fault and I take no responsibility for whatever happens when I get my hands on him. I’m fairly certain he’s making me go a bit mad. How else can I explain the urge to murder my Captain when he casually touches Eren? 

I know, I know. I’m in serious trouble. There’s no way Eren will fall for me if he’s already in love with someone as perfect and heroic as Captain Levi. That’s not my only problem. Disregarding the fact that Eren may not even be aware of his own feelings, it’s obvious to anyone that he wouldn’t become attracted to me because he’s demonstrated his disgust with me on more than one occasion. There are the innumerable times we argued during training over the most trivial thing (we still do). The fact that he thinks my face looks like a horse (it does not, thankyouverymuch). The way that I used to profess my undying love for his best friend and will now look like a total retard for switching to what is essentially her brother. 

The fact of the matter is that it may be impossible to make Eren fall for me. And I’m not sure I want to, because doing so might actually break what’s left of the Captain’s brittle heart. I’m not so clueless as to be unaware of what happens when you steal the object of someone’s affection away. But this is a merciless world, one in which enemies surround us constantly and if you’re given the chance for any kind of happiness you have to take it without fear of the consequences. Whether or not it is possible for him to fall in love with me is a complete unknown. Just as in battle, there are no guarantees for my success. In fact, the odds are stacked heavily against me. But I want to at least try, if only to say that I was not a coward and that I faced my fears of rejection.

I make it sound all noble don’t I? Damn straight. That’s because when it comes down to it, I think I have a better chance at making Eren happy. I mean come on, I’m taller than him, so he won’t have to bend down to kiss me. I can imagine it’d be awkward as hell to kiss that midget. Gross. I just imagined kissing my superior officer.

Don’t tell him I called him a midget.


	2. Frustration

The soundtrack for this chapter is Younger, by Seinabo Sey

Listen on [YouTube](https://youtu.be/GI5E5ewwN1s) , [Spotify](http://po.st/YoungerSP) , [iTunes](https://itun.es/us/mmbi5?i=958403343).

 

* * *

 

“We both live in this absurd world! …Where if we don’t do something, we’ll lose everything! We don’t have time to feel conflicted.” — Eren Jäger to Historia Reiss, Shingeki no Kyojin (Chapter 54)*

———

Levi

 

I don’t realize I’m staring again until I hear Erwin next to me saying, “If you draw a picture it will last longer, you know.” 

This is maybe the fifth time today that I’ve had to wrench my gaze away from the boy, and I’m more than a little bit irritated with myself. Add to that the humiliation of Erwin laughing at me silently and I feel like I need to punch something, or someone.

“Oh…the Captain is blushing!” Hange exclaims from beside me. Now I just really want to crawl into a hole somewhere, escape back into the Underground maybe. “What’s making those adorable cheeks so flushed, Levi?” 

I groan and cover my face with my hands because she’s just like a dog with a bone when it comes to trying to understand my psychological condition.

“It’s not _what_ it’s _who_ ,” Erwin interjects unhelpfully, and to add insult to injury he actually nods his head in the direction of the offending brat in question.

“WHAT!” she yells, this time even louder and more annoying than before.

I refuse to look at either of them. In fact, I refuse to think about what Erwin might be insinuating. Instead, I spin around and head in the opposite direction — at a measured pace, of course. I’m not going to give them the satisfaction of actually running away from their teasing.

I find myself nearly bumping into the Kirstein boy. I draw back and find him giving me a strange look. Is that…annoyance? Anger? Whatever it is, it isn’t an emotion one shows to a superior officer, not unless you want to get your ass kicked. “What? Do you have something to say to me, Kirstein?” I’ve never been one to beat around the bush. Better to get this out in the open where it can be dealt with.

He lowers his eyes to the ground and shakes his head. “No sir.”

I grunt noncommittally and stalk past him. The kid was acting weird. First he's being almost nice to Eren lately and now he was glaring at me like a jealous…

I stop dead in my tracks and turn back slowly to observe him. He’s chatting with Armin and Eren as they move supplies for the orphanage. My eyes narrow as I realize he’s standing closer to Eren than is absolutely necessary. I almost choke when I see him whisper something in Eren’s ear. What the fuck was that!?

The next thing that occurs nearly makes me fall down on my ass in astonishment. Jean ruffles Eren’s hair playfully and Eren actually blushes. He blushes! _What the fuck is going on here?_ Don’t those two hate each other? To make matters worse, Hange and Erwin have caught up to me and are watching me watch the two boys.

“Looks like you might have a rival there, Levi,” Erwin says with a chuckle.

I just elbow him in the ribs. I’m satisfied when he draws back with a groan. Serves him right.

“Is Levi in L-O-V-E?” Hange spells it out like an idiot. As if the kids won’t know what we’re talking about if she spells it. _They’re brats, not dogs_ , I want to tell her. 

“You might want to do something about, well, you know,” Erwin adds. As if he’s trying to be tactful. I want to tell him where he can shove his advice. “You’re not exactly getting any younger.”

 _I have never truly hated anyone until this moment_ , I think to myself.

I just grit my teeth and turn around, this time a little more quickly than before. I need to get out of there fast before I actually do something violent. Back in my quarters I hardly take the time to take off my shoes before flinging myself on the bed. I bury my face in a pillow and think irritably, _That little fucker is aiming for Eren, isn’t he?_ Here I was, assuming I was the only one interested in the brat and now someone else comes waltzing in as if he owns the place. Can it really be true? Is Jean truly trying to steal Eren and if so, what the fuck am I going to do about it?

Nothing. I’m going to do nothing about it.

Because I don’t have the right to. It’s not like I made any promise to Eren in the first place. And if I’m entirely honest with myself, I know that Eren is better off with someone close to his age. They’ve trained together, fought together, experienced loss together. Of course it is natural for them to become close. It would be strange if they didn’t.

But no matter how many reasons I can come up with for ignoring Jean’s behavior, I still hate the idea of anyone else touching Eren. In fact, it’s making me nauseated just remembering Jean’s hand on Eren’s head. I squirm in discomfort but can’t shake the feeling of something being truly _wrong_. It is the feeling that something inside me is being, on some level, either betrayed or destroyed. If it’s this bad now, what will happen when they’re actually an item?

I stop breathing for a second. What if they are already an item and me patting Eren on the leg that one morning was actually infringing on Jean’s territory? Was that why Mikasa had spoken up in praise of Historia? Because she was trying to draw attention away from my gross blunder? I have no clue what to believe now because Mikasa’s behavior had also seemed off at the time and I can’t help but think that my actions might be related somehow. I want to scream in frustration because what the fuck is wrong with me all of a sudden, I’m in a confused frenzy because of one little dirty brat and his maybe-boyfriend.

Maybe. Maybe not.

“I’m not this kind of moronic fool,” I say to myself. “This isn’t me. I won’t let it get to me.” 

I try to believe myself. I fail miserably.

“Aww, fuck it,” I groan. I’m not a coward. I’m an honest, straightforward sonofabitch.

I’ll just ask the motherfucker. I’m going to ask Jean if he’s dating Eren. Because it is true, I’m not getting any younger. And the longer I wait, the longer he has to successfully make Eren fall in love with him.

This doesn’t mean I’m actually going to confess to Eren, though. I just want to make sure Jean doesn’t get him if I can’t have him.

* * *

 

Eren

 

For the past two months I’ve been dreaming of Historia but nothing has come of it. She’s been busy with her royal affairs and the orphanage. In a futile attempt to gain her attention, I devote all my energy into helping get the orphanage running. This is despite knowing that nothing I do will make her look at me, and nothing I say will make her magically fall in love with me. Still, I don’t care because I know I probably won’t have a chance of love with anyone else anyways.

Queens aren’t the only ones who despise monsters. Normal people share the same sentiment.

So it comes as a complete surprise to me when Jean, of all people, starts to act like he’s my best bud. Not only that, but he does this in a way that makes me feel closer _physically_ to him. Like, he’s stands closer to me when we speak, sits next to me when we eat, and even takes a shower next to me. I’m more aware of him for some reason, in a way I haven’t been before. Then there’s the little casual touches here and there, his hand on my lower back, or ruffling my hair, or an arm casually slung around my shoulder. 

It’s not a bad sort of feeling, being touched by him, but it is _different_ , and often makes me blush because really, do guys normally do this kind of thing to each other? I have just one good guy friend, and he’s more a brother to me than anything else. I could ask him for advice but I feel too ashamed because, well, I think he might have a crush on Jean and any answer Armin gives me will be skewed by that. I had thought Reiner and Bertolt were friends, but they proved to be exactly the opposite. Now they are out of reach somewhere beyond Wall Maria, but I wouldn’t want to confide in them even if they were here. Connie — well, Connie is just sort of a laugh. We aren’t particularly close, and I can’t imagine discussing the fact that Jean seems to have either turned a new leaf or has gone clinically insane.

I do so anyways, against my better judgement.

“Hey Connie,” I say as I grab him one evening by the shoulder. “Can I have a word with you for a sec?”

He turns around, and I have to roll my eyes because he’s still checking out Sasha’s ass despite acting like he’s paying attention to me. “Yeah, what’s up?” he replies distractedly.

“Um.” I’m suddenly incredibly embarrassed. I wonder if what I’m about to say will make Connie break out in hysterical laughter.

“Spit it out, Eren, I don’t have all day,” he says absentmindedly, and I can tell he’s not irritated. He just wants to get back to staring at Sasha’s ass, that’s all.

“Well…well…” I hesitate again and he turns to face me, head cocked to the side. 

“I’m not gonna bite ya.” He pats my arm as if to comfort me and I nod as if I’m comforted when in fact, I’m even more nervous now.

I gather my courage and tell myself this is no big deal. I’ve faced Titans before, this will be a piece of cake. “What’swrongwithJean?” I say all in a rush. I look anywhere except for Connie. The dirt under my fingernails seems especially interesting for some reason.

“What’s what?” he laughs.

“What’s ah…what’s up with Jean these days?” I repeat, almost desperate for a real answer. “I mean, he’s like, _nice_ to me and stuff.”

“Oh, that. He just wants to get in your pants,” Connie explains calmly, as if it’s the most natural conclusion in the world.

“Uh…”

The idea is terrifying.

“What? You never thought about him that way before?” Seeing my stunned expression, he erupts in unrestrained laughter, and I try to shush him because other people around us are starting to stare.

“Uh, no?” I’m honestly speechless for about five minutes while Connie giggles madly. Jean, like me? In a sexual way? How was that even possible? “I think you’re wrong,” I insist.

He shakes his head, unable to speak, his shoulders shuddering as he continues to laugh uncontrollably. I’m half afraid he’s going to start rolling around on the ground so I half walk, half run away from him in an attempt to diffuse the situation. _Well that was a stupid idea_ , I think.

I’m jog-walking so fast I bump into a solid wall of flesh and when I look up to see who it is, I realize I just touched Jean’s naked torso. His naked sweaty torso. Did I mention his shirt is off? Because he’s not wearing one. I think some of his sweat just rubbed off on me. And maybe it isn’t so gross as you might expect.

“Hello, watch where you’re going, fucktard!” I yell at him, hoping he’ll take the bait and we can go back to being mutually disagreeable to each other.

“Uh, sorry, I didn’t see you there,” he just says, not rising to the bait. He has the balls to look chastised, as if he actually did something wrong.

I start to become angry. Why isn’t he defending himself? Does he really want to fuck me that bad?

I gulp at the thought and want to run back in the opposite direction, no matter if Connie is still cackling away like the mad loon he is. Because this thing with Jean is not going to be a thing. I’m _not_ getting in bed with a guy and I’m _definitely not_ sleeping with Jean. 

That would be admitting defeat, right? It would be admitting that he was right all those times we had argued, and that actually I’m just a pushover and he can do whatever he likes to me just because he has a big cock…

OH MY FUCKING GOD I just pictured his cock in my ass. Oh my god I need to disappear. This is just all too embarrassing I can’t handle it…why did he have to shower next to me…

“…ren! Eren!” I slowly become aware of Jean as he shakes my shoulders, his voice full of concern. “Eren, are you alright? You don’t look so good, maybe you should go lie down.”

“Oh you’d like that wouldn’t you, you sick bastard!” I yell at him accidentally. I clap my hands over my mouth, my eyes wide with horror.

He draws back, looking hurt, almost as if I punched him in the gut. 

“Look, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that,” I babble, and tentatively put my hand on his arm as if to say, _I’m sorry I’m such a fuckwad_.

“What’s going on here, boys?” Captain Levi’s velvety smooth voice has never appeared at a more inopportune time.

“Uh…” Jean is also apparently at a loss for words.

“Um…” I try to explain to the Captain with my eyes that, _Hey we’re having a Moment here can you please leave us alone? Also, Jean may be gay for me so can you please protect me somehow? Maybe give me a bodyguard?_

Apparently it doesn’t get across to him because he tch’s in annoyance and just says, “It’s nearly time for dinner. Go clean yourselves up and help the rest in the kitchen.” He pauses and eyes Jean with distaste. “And you, get some fucking clothes on.”

 _I can’t agree with you more, Captain_ , I want to say. Instead I practically skip to the kitchen. Getting saved by the Captain never felt so good.

Now I’m totally off the hook. All I need to do is make sure I don’t get stuck sitting next to Horseface.

No such luck. Jean is glued to my side the entire evening, and by the time we’re getting ready for bed I am so tired of being around him that I just want to punch him in the face. I refrain from violence, though, opting to hide underneath the covers pretending to be asleep when he tries to draw me out into a conversation. _If I talk with you now I’m just going to say something stupid again. Be grateful Mikasa doesn’t know you want to fuck me, Jean, otherwise you can probably kiss your manhood goodbye._ I almost feel pity for the fool, but then remember how he probably wants to stick his dick inside me and cringe in disgust. That is just never happening, ever.

* * *

 

Jean

 

So I may have fucked things up. Like, bad.

For some reason I’ve been running into people all day. First is the Captain, who stumbles into me accidentally and he sure has his panties in a bunch because he snaps at me and I have to basically grovel for forgiveness even though I’ve done nothing wrong. Next, Armin accidentally backs into me when he is moving some heavy bags of feed with Sasha and I’m knocked down and get covered in horse shit. Sasha of course makes jokes about how Horseface took a huge horse shit and at this point I don’t care if anyone is looking, I just rip off my filthy shirt because anything is preferable to being covered in stinking shit. I am just going to do laundry when I bump into a third person and this time I don’t mind so much because it is Eren.

However I still smell like horse shit so when Eren recoils I figure he must think I was on stables duty or something and doesn’t want to get too close. But then he goes and says something that makes my stomach lurch, that I’m a sick bastard, and he makes it sound like I’m a pervert. And since I sort of am, because I’ve been having all sorts of wild fantasies about him lately involving rope and even a whip or two, I feel like somehow I’ve been discovered and now everything I’ve worked toward has been for naught.

For the past few months during our time renovating the Reiss farm to make it into an orphanage, Eren has been somewhat preoccupied with Historia and I had started to wonder if he hadn’t developed a crush on her instead of Captain Levi. But Eren never really flirted with her so I wasn’t too worried about it. If he did harbor some feelings toward her it was probably just puppy love, the kind that is fleeting and easy to forget. Historia, for her part, seemed unaffected by his attentions since she was so busy and probably is a lesbian anyway. I mean, she and Ymir were like a couple, right?

He did, however, still get flustered around the Captain and that was a problem I couldn’t afford to ignore. So I did what every guy does when they’re interested in someone — I began to flirt with Eren in the most ostentatious way so that even a person as oblivious as he could see I was serious about him in a romantic way. I did everything I could think of to catch his attention: I didn’t argue with him (that was truly hard), I stopped macking on Mikasa (less hard), I became better friends with Armin (fairly easy), I took every opportunity to be physically close to Eren, I touched him often in the most non-threatening manner possible, and when he let me in on his conversation I actually listened to what he was saying. And it appeared to be working quite well because he started blushing more and more when he was around me and when I approached him now his face actually lit up in that beautiful smile of his.

So when he calls me a sick bastard I’m like, _Really? Are you fucking serious Jäger because I worked so hard trying to butter you up and now we’re back to square fucking one?_ I don’t say this aloud but I am definitely tempted. Before I discovered I was in love with him I probably would have. But now I care about him, and take some time to reflect before speaking to him so that I don’t say anything asinine.

But guess who shows up just in time to cock block me? Of course, it has to be the Captain. He tells us to go wash up and for me to get dressed — the latter in the most derogatory manner possible, of course. I watch helplessly as Eren bolts off towards the kitchen as if he’s being chased by a hoard of Titans.

“You smell like shit, Kirstein. You’re supposed to be helping move supplies, not rolling around like a pig in a sty.” The Captain follows me as I walk back to the room where Connie and I are bunked. I have no idea what’s up but the hairs rise on the back of my neck in anticipation of danger. Why is he following me?

“I fell and landed in some horse manure, sir,” I explain, thoroughly embarrassed. 

“Huh. Didn’t think you were so clumsy.” He seems to consider this for a second and then adds nonchalantly, “Are you fucking Jäger, Kirstein?” He asks me this so calmly, as if we’re chatting amiably over a cup of tea.

I freeze and stop walking for moment, then slowly look down at him. He’s staring at me with the most malevolent expression I’ve ever seen him make, and it sends shivers down my spine. I have a feeling my life is hanging by a very thin thread. “No. What makes you think we’re, ah, together, sir?”

“Because you look like you want to fuck him and he looks like he might not mind it,” the Captain replies bluntly.

What? He might not mind it? Have I been missing something very important here? Before I can dwell too long on that comment, he adds, “That’s good for you, then. We might have had a …disagreement if you had said yes.”

I don’t want to have a disagreement with Humanity’s Strongest. But I have to be honest and admit that I hope that one day Eren will be mine, not just for sex but for…everything. So I stop in front of the door to my quarters and turn to face him. I try to appear more confident than I feel. “Sir, I’m going to be honest and let you know that my aim is eventually to get Eren to agree to date me. I think I can make him hap—“

He cuts me off before I can continue. “Stop. I don’t want to hear your pathetic nonsense. Eren will never want to go out with you.” He pauses for effect as he points a finger at my dirty chest. “First of all, you act like a spoiled child and you still have tantrums, those childish arguments with him.” I try to defend myself but he silences me with a look that says, _Don’t test me kid_. “Second, you’re a virgin and know next to nothing about having sex with another man, so how can you say you’d be able to please him?” I can feel my face burning up with pent up anger and embarrassment at his accusations. “Third, Eren doesn’t even think of you as a friend much less a potential lover. He despises you.” The Captain steps back and covers his nose as if he smells something bad and he probably does, since I was recently covered in manure. “God, you reek of horse. _He_ thinks you look like a horse. Exactly how do you think he’s going to fall in love with you?”

It’s all I can do not to cry. “At least I have the courage to do something about my feelings,” I reply with a false sense of confidence. I know I shouldn't be goading him, but I can't just lie down and take his abuse without saying anything.

“What did you just say, you little shit?” If I thought his gaze seemed malevolent before, now he is seething in rage. 

“He said, ‘Isn’t it about time we go to dinner?’” Commander Erwin says from nearby, and I jump in alarm. Has he been here the whole time? The Commander glances at me with pity in his eyes and dismisses me with a nod of the head. 

I take the opportunity to open the door to my room, run inside and then shut it as quickly as possible behind me, afraid that the Captain might come after me with his sword raised in attack. Because he had actually looked like he wanted to kill me for a second there. _Way to go Jean, you’re really scoring points for yourself here._

At dinner I sit next to Eren as usual but the Captain takes the opportunity to sit on Eren’s other side. At one point he catches my eye and Captain Levi’s glare is strong enough to make me want to duck and hide underneath the table. Eren, on the other hand, is oddly silent during the meal and keeps glancing at me from time to time suspiciously. He even shifts his chair to sit closer to the Captain. I have no idea what’s caused this change in his behavior but I don’t like it. 

However, I don’t let it get to me. I continue to act like Mr. Lovey-dovey and flirt with him as if nothing happened earlier in the evening. But now he’s not blushing or getting flustered. On the contrary, Eren is acting as if nothing that I do affects him. He’s actually ignoring me. And it hurts, it hurts so bad I imagine this is what it’s like to have one of your limbs sawn off. Because I’ve grown so attached to him that as he detaches from me, it’s like ripping open a wound. I’m bleeding out and there’s not way for me to staunch the flow of blood. 

By the time I say goodnight to him, he doesn’t even respond, and that just about kills me. I retreat to my room, well and truly defeated, only to find Connie grinning at me mischieveously. “Sorry. Eren found out you wanna fuck him,” he says with a shrug, as if it couldn’t be helped.

“WHAT. THE. FUCK.” I shout at him incredulously, and it’s all I can do not to strangle him with my bare hands.

“Well he asked me what was wrong with you and it’s not like I was gonna lie or anything. It’s true, right?” he waggles his eyebrows up and down and I try very hard not to smack him upside the head. I fail.

“Ouch! What was that for?”

“That was for ruining my chances with him you…” I struggle to find the appropriate epithet. “You life-destroying piece of shit!”

“Oh come on, he’ll come around sooner or later.” Connie snuggles in his blankets and rolls over. “‘’M gonna go to sleep. But feel free to stew in your anger for as long as you want.”

“Shut the fuck up, life-destroyer.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Absurd being the key word here. This quote is taken from the licensed version in Attack on Titan: Colossal Edition, vol. 3. The quote in chapter 1 is taken from the scanlated version of Shingeki no Kyojin Gaiden — Kuinaki Sentaku on mangago.me.  
> I don’t know if people use the phrase “macking on” anymore but for some reason it seemed to fit in this chapter so I kept it. It’s in the Urban Dictionary so I claim it’s a word lolz.  
> Also I did not intend for Erwin to be like Kuroko in this chapter but he accidentally turned out that way. lmfao


	3. Flirtation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Life and death are of supreme importance. Time swiftly passes by and opportunity is lost. Each of us should strive to awaken. Awaken! Take heed, do not squander your life.”  
> \- Dōgen

The soundtrack for this chapter is Periscope (feat. Skylar Grey) by Papa Roach

Listen on [Spotify](https://open.spotify.com/track/0gL4RuAaXBBC5eNnlGwa6V), [YouTube](https://youtu.be/dMDCfa4jzWY), [iTunes](https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/crooked-teeth-deluxe/id1216827755).

* * *

 

“Are you really Jean Kirstein? The Jean I know only thinks about himself.” - Reiner Braun to Jean Kirstein, Shingeki no Kyojin (Chapter 23)

 

———

Levi

 

“You were pretty harsh on the boy,” Erwin comments quietly as we head towards the kitchen. 

We’re walking away from Kirstein’s room because I’m not sure I can stop myself from breaking down his door and throttling the mouthy little shit. What the fuck was the punk thinking, talking to a superior officer that way? _What the fuck was I thinking, challenging him about his childish crush on Eren? What the fuck am I thinking, having a crush of my own?_

“Aren’t you going to tell me I was out of line?” I almost want him to chastise me. Because I _had_ been out of line, and I feel a little bit bad about it. Just a teensy bit, though.

“When I said you needed to do something about it, I didn’t mean crush his ego like that.” He sighs and motions me to stop before entering the kitchen. “I meant you need to confess to Eren and get it off your chest. Then you’ll be able to move on from it and get your damn work done.”

I stare at him, dumbfounded. “By ‘move on from it’ you mean all I would do is tell him I like him, and then forget the whole fuckin’ thing happened in the first place?” I’m aware that I’m having a hard time controlling the volume of my voice.

“Well, of course.” Erwin says this as if I’d be crazy to imagine a different scenario. “We can’t exactly have officers dating their subordinates, can we?”

I’m silent for a few seconds. It’s enough time for me to become infuriated. My anger from before barely holds a candle to my rage now. “And what about Eren?” I demand. “What happens to him when he realizes I return his feelings? What happens when I break what’s left of his heart? The Titans took his family away Erwin, you want to take everything from him, is that it? What the fuck is wrong with you? What kind of sick, twisted bastard are you?”

I want to spit on the floor at his feet but instead I just stalk off, entering the kitchen with what is probably my most grim expression to date. I try to turn my glare into a smile when I near Eren at the washing station, but my facial muscles don’t seem to be following my commands. He glances at me and blanches; I must still be glaring. Petra once said I had “resting bitch face” when she thought I was out of hearing range. I assume that my expression now is a bit worse than that if I’m scaring off Eren, who is fearless in battle but timid around me sometimes.

I sit next to him at dinner only to find my rival seated on his other side. Jean looks like he has recovered from having his ego annihilated earlier and tries to flirt (rather unsuccessfully) with Eren at every turn. He offers to pour Eren’s drink, serve Eren’s food, clean Eren’s plate, escort Eren back to him room. Eren seems to barely tolerate the attention and even goes so far as to scoot closer to me in what appears like an attempt to get away from Jean. I have to stifle a laugh at this. Things seem to be going in my favor for once.

After dinner, Erwin wrangles me into helping plan the expedition to Shiganshina. It’s boring work I have no interest in performing. I admit that strategy is not my strong point. Isn’t that what the Commander is for? Paper-pushing and generating outlandish ideas that scandalize the higher-ups but nevertheless seem to always work? Yet I listen to him and offer ideas of my own because I know his survival is never guaranteed. He’s been very lucky to live as long as he has, considering his nearly reckless attitude towards his own personal safety in battle.

After what seems like an interminable amount of time he finally dismisses Hange and me. I’m able to retreat back to my own quarters while barely managing to avoid her pestering questions about my non-relationship status. That is a feat in and of itself — I know this will not be the last time I hear from her on the subject. As I near Eren’s door, I pause, wondering what he is up to and if he is still awake. It is late, probably too late for him to still be up, but nevertheless I decide to see if he is awake. We don’t get many chances to just talk, and this is maybe the last time I’ll have the opportunity to be alone with him.

Alone. With Eren. I shiver at the prospect and knock on his door lightly. Armin answers the door in his pajamas, blinking owlishly, and he looks so much like a child that I nearly run off at the sight of him. _I really am robbing the cradle, aren’t I?_

“Captain?” Armin asks, clearly confused and half-asleep. He rubs his eyes with the back of his hand and I start to feel guilty for waking him up.

I try not to think very hard about what I’m about to do. “I need to speak with Eren,” I reply steadily, but my hands have started to shake a little so that I’m forced to hide them behind my back.

“Who is it, Armin?” I hear Eren ask drowsily from beyond the door, and instantly I know I’ve made the wrong decision in trying to speak with him at this time of night. He sounds irritated and sleepy, and he is obviously not in the mood to deal with his superior officer’s poor attempts at flirtation now.

“It’s the Captain,” Armin explains in trepidation. “He needs to talk to you.” Clearly he thinks Eren is in trouble for some reason.

“What?” Eren practically squeals. I can see him shoot up in his bed at Armin's words, only to tumble over the side clumsily. “Ouch!”

I refrain from chuckling because the boy is damn cute when he's flustered.

It’s only a few moments before Eren slips past his roommate, who is still standing at the door staring at me with wide eyes. He shuts the door on Armin and turns to face me. I can’t read the expression on his face. Is he hopeful, fearful, or both? 

My heart is beating much faster than it has any right to, my palms are sweating and I think I taste bile at the back of my throat. I swear there’s some kind of terrible creature alive in my stomach that’s trying to crawl its way up and out of my esophagus. Am I nearly going to throw up just over a little confession? I can’t believe I’ve been reduced to such a state by the boy standing in front of me. I feel like I’m headed into battle even though I’m only facing a sleepy, unarmed teenager. He’s a Titan shifter, yes, but right now all I can see is the vulnerable human side that I seem to be falling more in love with each moment.

I refuse to let myself succumb to nerves. This is something I haven’t prepared to just announce to him, but I don’t have any skill in the kind of flirting Jean does. Once I set my mind to something, I simply get the job done. I don’t beat around the bush, mince words or flatter people. So the only thing left for me to do is simply say, “There probably won’t be another opportunity for me to tell this to you before we leave for Shiganshina. I’m all too aware that you or I might die while we try to seal the breach in Wall Maria.” I pause and see that he’s staring at me in rapt attention. I have no clue if this is a good sign or not. “This isn’t something I’d normally do. Actually, this is something I’ve never done before, but after seeing the way Kirstein acts with you I can’t stay silent any longer. I have to be honest with both me and you.” _Holy fucking shit, I can’t believe I’m doing this._ I sigh heavily and look away for a second before looking back at him and continuing. “Eren, I have feelings — romantic feelings — for you.” His jaw drops in astonishment and I want to knock my head against the wall in frustration. “I don’t really expect anything from you in return but I just…had to do something,” I finish lamely. I take a deep breath and let it out slowly while he stares at me in astonishment.

“Uh…” is all the poor boy can say in response.

“You’re probably too tired to deal with this shit, I understand. Why don’t you go to bed and pretend this never happened, “ I say gently, and open the door for him.

“Uh…okay…” he nods and disappears behind the door. My heart feels like it’s been ripped out, shredded into tiny little pieces and thrown from the top of a mountain, then trampled on by an army of Titans. 

However, the door cracks open again, and suddenly my heart is back inside my chest, whole and beating as fast as if I’ve been running for miles. Eren peeks his head out and blushes fiercely when he sees me still there, staring back at him. “Um…let’s talk about this tomorrow, sir.”

All of a sudden I can’t stand not being able to touch the damn adorable bastard so I lean forward and kiss him softly on the lips. It’s an innocent kiss, but one that holds promise of more. Eren doesn’t draw back, though I can tell he’s surprised when his eyes meet mine. “I look forward to our…conversation,” I say slowly, then retreat quickly to my quarters.

 _That was probably the most embarrassing thing I’ve ever done in my life,_ I think to myself. Not only that, that was perhaps the first time I’ve ever felt fear clawing up from my belly into my throat like a living thing. It wasn’t a pleasant feeling, and hopefully something I’d never have to experience again.

* * *

 

Eren

 

HOLY FUCK.

The Captain is…in love with me? Or something? Is that what he meant when he said, “have feelings for you”?

I close the door to our bedroom with a disturbing inner sense of turmoil that I haven’t felt since my father disappeared. Nothing is making sense anymore. So _both_ the Captain and Jean now…are attracted to _me_? It seems like someone is playing a prank on me, but I don’t think it’s funny at all. Not only that, but there appear to be some differences in wording that are making me upset in a way I have trouble identifying. The Captain had said his feelings were romantic, but Connie had said Jean just wanted to get into my pants — does that mean the Captain wants a relationship with me, and Jean only wants a fuck buddy? And why does that bother me so much?

I catch Armin staring at me expectantly. I’m not sure what he had been able to hear. The Captain hadn’t spoken particularly loud. What am I going to say to him? “Um…” Here I go again, tongue tied like an idiot. I decide to just be completely honest with Armin. He is one of my best friends, after all. 

And then an idea comes to me in a flash, an idea so brilliant I’m stunned for a few seconds. I sit next to him on his bed and look him straight in the eyes. “Okay, so it’s like this,” I explain hastily. “The Captain and Jean are both maybe…in love with me,” I struggle with the words but continue despite my embarrassment and the flush I can feel spreading over my cheeks. He nods as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world and I want to slap him. If he’d known, why hadn’t he told me? But I just keep going as if I’m not angry. “And I…I can’t return their feelings. So I need your help.”

He just waits for me to  continue and the desire to slap him grows in strength. Doesn’t he have anything to say? Any objections? Why am I so annoyed with him? Oh right, because I can’t take my anger out on the two bastards who placed me in this position. I try to calm myself down and take his hand in mine. “Armin, I know you have feelings for Jean.” He flushes and looks down at the floor, but doesn’t deny it. “I need you to do something about it. I need you to confess to him and…well, for lack of a better term, put him off my trail. I think you’re the only one who can do it, honestly.” I squeeze his hand in encouragement and give him a quick hug. “You deserve some happiness for once, and I really need Jean to forget about his infatuation for me. It’s so distracting, and dangerous for that reason. I don’t want to be thinking about him flirting with me while we’re on the mission to Wall Maria. I guess I’ll figure out some way to let Captain Levi down. But I know you can take care of Jean. Will you do that for me?”

I wait anxiously, hoping against hope that Armin is willing to reveal his secret. Hoping that I’ll be able to be freed of Jean’s constant attentions.

When he nods slowly I can’t help but whoop for joy and this time I have to give him a bear hug because this is possibly the most difficult thing he can do for me and I want him to know how much I appreciate his sacrifice. 

“But,” he says, lifting his hands and pushing me away, effectively interrupting my celebration. “I have one condition, Eren.”

“Oh? What’s that?” My heart is lodged in my throat. What will he make me do? What is the price I’ll have to pay?

“You need to be honest with both of them and reject one or the other firmly. Don’t string them along. You keep flirting with both of them and it’s got to stop if you don’t want to hurt their feelings and confuse them.”

My jaw drops in surprise. Flirt? Me? What? I’ve been acting normally! I haven’t been leading anyone along, as far as I know. “How? How exactly have I been flirting with them?” I ask incredulously.

“Oh come on, Eren, don’t act dumb.” Armin laughs softly. “You’ve been blushing like a maiden every time either of them so much as looks your way. You keep checking them out, you sit next to them at meals, you even laugh at Jean’s jokes!”

“But…but…but…” I sputter, not able to refute his accusations and unable to come up with an explanation for my behavior that doesn’t involve some amount of attraction on my part.

The idea of me being in love with either of them makes me feel very uneasy. I have up to this point wanted to find a good girl, get married and have lots of little half-Titan babies running around under foot. Loving a man meant I wouldn’t have any of that. I shake my head in an effort to rid myself of such depressing thoughts. “But I want to fall in love with a girl like Historia,” I blurt out. I’m so embarrassed for admitting to my crush that I hide my head on Armin’s shoulder.

I can feel him chuckle underneath me. “You and I both know that’s a bald-faced lie. You’ve been in love with the Captain probably for months and Jean maybe ever since the moment you met him. I could tell, I guess I thought you knew as well and just resented him for it,” Armin says gently, and tries to soothe me by smoothing down my hair.

“Fuck. Fuck. Just, fuck all this love shit,” I mutter. “So what am I supposed to do about this then?”

Armin sighs and puts his arm around my shoulder. “Well, you can start by being honest with yourself. You have to choose one of them. To be honest, I think you should choose the Captain so I can have Jean but that’s just because I’m a selfish bastard.”

I giggle because a cursing Armin is as foreign as the concept of an ocean full of salt water. “What if I don’t want either of them? Honestly, I can’t see myself with a guy at all.” I push away the memory of desire that had bloomed within me when the Captain had kissed me. Surely that was a fluke, something that happened because I had been dreaming of Historia just before being woken up.

“That’s not being honest with yourself. You know that one of them is the right one for you — maybe you’ve always known it. Now you just need to man up and admit which one he is. I know you can do it. You’ve done harder things in your life before. But the thing is, you need to figure it out fast because we’re leaving on a mission that will probably lead to the death of one or all of us. If we’re honest with each other we both know that the Captain, Jean or you will likely die. Do you really want that to happen before you’ve had a chance for your own confession? I know I don’t.” 

I look up at him in surprise. Had he made his own plans before I even asked him?

He just smiles at me and adds, “I was going to confess to Jean tomorrow anyway, Eren. But thanks for reminding me how important it is to take advantage of the time we have available to us. Every moment I have with him is precious.”

I stare at him in awe. This boy never ceases to amaze me. Where would I be without him? I don’t want to know; the prospect is too scary. 

“So who will it be, Eren? Captain Levi, or Jean?” He prods me gently in the stomach with his finger and I shift away. I can tell he wants me to make a decision so we can get some sleep finally.

“Honestly…this is really freaking me out. I have no clue what to do. I’m going to talk to the Captain tomorrow because I promised him I would, but I don’t know about Jean. Part of me just wants to avoid the whole thing.” I ignore Armin’s frown of disapproval and I get up to climb up to my bunk. “I’ll talk to him too, but only after you’ve had a chance to talk to him, okay?”

“Okay.” Armin’s voice is a soft whisper and I know he’s afraid. Rejection is not something anyone wants to face.

“It’s gonna be okay, Armin. Everything is gonna be okay,” I reassure him. But I don’t feel reassured by my own words. All I feel is uncertainty clouding my mind in a haze of self-doubt. Me, in love with a man? And not with just one, but two? Not only that, I had to choose between them, as if I were at a meat market? Fuck. I had no clue if I really was in love with either or both of them, and even less of an idea who I would choose. 

I knew Armin wouldn’t lie to me. Connie had no reason to lie either, despite making it seem like the whole thing was a big joke. So I had to do something about it, and soon. No, not just soon. I had to make a decision before we left for Wall Maria. What would I do?

* * *

 

Jean

 

The next morning, as we’re saddling up to leave the orphanage, Armin approaches me and says, “Jean, I need to talk to you about something important.”

I notice he’s blushing and I have a small intuition as to where this conversation is headed. “Okay…” 

Armin scratches his temple and is silent for a few moments, as if unsure how to continue. I wait patiently for him to gather his courage, and am unsurprised when he says uncertainly, “Jean, I…I think I’m…shit, I think I’m in love with you.”

The “shit” part makes me laugh a little and he raises his head to glare at me in defiance, clearly thinking I’m making fun of him. “No, man, I’m not laughing at you or anything,” I say quickly. “I just thought it was cute the way you said ‘shit,’ that’s all.” I can’t help it, he is just too cute, so I have to hug him. “Thanks, Armin. I mean, it’s been rough for me lately so I appreciate this.” I can feel him melt in my arms and I feel my heart cringe in guilt for not being able to return his affection. I step back and add, “But I’m also incredibly sorry, I mean this from the bottom of my heart, I would never intend to hurt you…but I just can’t return your feelings. I’m so sorry Armin…”

Tears start to slowly roll down his cheeks and I begin to feel fucking angry at myself for hurting him. “Is it because of Eren? Is that why?” He begins to sob in earnest now and I have to grab him and hold him for a while because fuck, this is not going well for me. I had tried to get closer to Armin as a way of getting closer to Eren, but it looks like my plan has seriously backfired. 

“If I say yes will you hate both of us?”

“No, of course not, you moron!” He struggles to remove himself from my grasp and I let him go with a sigh.

“Are you sure? Because I want to be your friend, Armin…” Now I’m the one that’s practically in tears because I’ve started to imagine my world without Armin in it, and it seems dull and lifeless in comparison. “But…but if it hurts you too much to be around me I understand.”

He looks at me a little strange and shakes his head as if to clear it. “Are you really Jean Kirstein? You’re not acting like the selfish guy I’m used to.”

“Shut up,” I say, pushing him away playfully. “You sound like fuckin’ Reiner now.”

“Oh yeah, I remember that, when Annie was chasing us? That was funny.” He stops and looks at his feet for a few moments. “I miss them sometimes. I know it sounds horrible…”

“No. I understand. I miss them too.”

He looks up and smiles at me, that sweet angelic smile I’ll never be able to get enough of. “I guess I’ll live, Jean. Really, all I wanted was to confess today, and I got that over with, so I can go on this mission without feeling like there’s a weight on my shoulders now.”

“You’re so brave, Armin,” I reply, and I mean it. I haven’t gotten up the courage to confess to Eren, instead taking the roundabout way of flirting to try and make him see that I like him through my actions. It obviously hasn’t worked, though. “I suppose I can learn a thing or two from you.”

“Oh…well, I guess maybe.” He pauses, as if considering something. “I’m not sure if it’s the right thing to tell you this or not, but I think honestly you should know, considering the way you feel about Eren.” He looks me straight in the eye, and I get the feeling I’m not going to like what he’s about to say. “Last night, Captain Levi confessed to Eren. And they, uh…kissed. I wasn’t supposed to know they did but it was pretty obvious.”

I stagger back and bump into my horse’s flank before I can process the words he just said. “You…you’re telling the truth, aren’t you.”

“Yeah, there’s no reason I’d lie about this.”Armin chews his lip pensively and adds, “You really need to do something about this, Jean. Eren swore he didn’t want to have anything to do with guys, period, but I don’t really have any confidence in that. I think he has both a crush on Captain Levi and on you but can’t make a decision either way. So you’ll have to help him make a decision. Don’t ask me how, you just need to do something because at this point I see the Captain taking him from you and I think that would leave everyone sort of miserable. I don’t think the Captain is really the best fit for Eren…although I told Eren the opposite in order to make him want you more.”

“You did what?” I ask, confused and not a little bit frightened by the prospect of the Captain confessing to Eren.

“I told Eren he should choose the Captain because I wanted you, when in fact he’s such a contrary sort of person that when someone tells him to do something he does the complete opposite. So my hope is that will help him choose you instead.”

“You’re fucking crazy.”

“Maybe.”

“I look forward to having you as my brother-in-law, man.”

He smiles brilliantly and turns to leave. “Well, I guess I should get going. I still haven’t saddled my own horse.”

“Armin.”

He turns back to me and I want nothing more than to kiss him from sheer gratitude for the advice but I restrain myself. Instead I say, “Thanks. You don’t know how much I appreciate this.”

“Show your appreciation by telling him you love him, Jean.” His smile now is sad, and I hate to think that I’ve dimmed the light in his eyes.

“I will. I definitely will.” I run after him, saying, “In fact, I’m going to confess right now.”

He just laughs as I run past him, but I know his laugh rings hollow.

It doesn’t take long for me to reach Eren, where he’s also at work saddling his horse. I look around and the Captain is nowhere to be seen, so I think this must be my moment destined for action. “Eren,” I call out. 

He looks at me quickly, and I know this is going to be an interesting conversation by the color that suffuses his entire face. He is starting to resemble a beet by the time he can respond in a stutter, “Je...Jean…” He can’t seem to meet my eyes.

I walk the last few paces to him slowly, as if approaching a wounded animal. I don’t want him to run off, and I don’t want to scare him either. “Eren, I have a few things to say to you.”

He just nods and keeps looking at his horse's reins.

“Armin just came to talk to me.” 

At that, he glances up at me and sighs at the expression he sees on my face.

“He told me he’s in love with me,” I explain. At this point I’m standing about a foot away from him, and I can tell it’s a little too close for his comfort but it’s hardly close enough for me. “I had to turn him down, Eren. I think you know why, but I’ll tell you anyway. It’s because, well, because I’m in love with you, and I have been for a while now. I don’t know what to do about it, but it’s killing me just a little bit more each day to see you with the Captain so, damn…What I honestly want you to say is that you love me too, that you want to be with me forever and that we can adopt some of Historia’s orphanage kids together or some crazy shit…Yet I know you’ll probably say the opposite, you’re not in love with me and you never can be. But, here’s the thing. I love you enough that I’m okay with it either way. It’s your choice to make.”

I’m panting by the time I reach the end of my speech and he looks a little bit dazed. “You mean you don’t care one way or the other?” he asks in confusion.

“No, I mean that I respect your decision. I don’t want to coerce you at all. I want it to feel natural. Don’t get me wrong, I’m desperate for you to fall in love with me, but I don’t want to force you into a decision.”

“Oh.” He looks a little lost, and I want so fucking bad to just take that last step and hug him tightly, but I stop myself. I don’t want him to bolt.

“Eren, I love you,” I say softly.

“I know...and I probably, I dunno, maybe feel something for you too…but…I probably also feel something for the Captain, so I’m just really confused,” he admits, and I can tell he's on the verge of tears.

I’m elated that he’s admitted to feeling something for me. I’m devastated that he thinks he feels something for Captain Levi.

I want to say, my dick is bigger, I’m taller and younger and we have more in common so will you please just fall head over heels for me, but instead I mutter, “Fuck it,” and hug him despite my earlier promise not to do so.

For the first few minutes he’s stiff in my arms, but then he goes soft, burrowing into my embrace as if he never wants me to let go. “Jean, I’m so confused,” he says, muffled words spoken into my chest.

I stroke his hair gently and hug him tighter. “All you have to remember is that I love you, that I’ll always be there for you no matter what. I don’t care what happens, I’ll be on your side.”

I can feel my shirt getting damp from his tears. It’s the second time that I’ve made someone cry today, but this time I feel a lot better about it, as if I’ve accomplished something important.

“Who died and made you Jean? You’ve really changed, you know that?” He says quietly, then sniffles noisily.

I give him a handkerchief to blow his nose in and his eyebrows raise in surprise. “Chivalry, Jean? For me?”

“Always for you. Only for you.” I don’t care if his nose is running, I kiss him anyway. I kiss him long and hard, recklessly abandoning myself to exploring his mouth with my tongue. I’m rewarded by soft moans that he can’t seem to suppress.

By the time we’re finished he’s shivering and I wonder if I’ve made him hard, but I don’t check. I don’t want to embarrass him any further than I already have. “Let’s stay alive, okay?” I say in parting, and walk back to my horse without turning to see if he’s looking at me. I’m not sure I can bear to think of him at all at this point, especially if he’s seriously considering the Captain as a alternative to take my place. I’ll just have to wait and let him come to me on his own terms.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Reiner quote was taken from the licensed version in Attack on Titan: Colossal Edition, vol. 2. The Dōgen quote was taken from the list on Goodreads at https://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/23358.D_gen


	4. Temptation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “There is never a time or place for true love. It happens accidentally, in a heartbeat, in a single flashing, throbbing moment.”  
> \- Sarah Dessen, The Truth About Forever

This chapter’s soundtrack is He the Colossus by Wild Beasts

Listen to it on [Spotify](https://open.spotify.com/track/2LXLFPCG96AGUFLrLRWiRN), [iTunes](https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/boy-king/id1116740205), [YouTube](https://youtu.be/kK4p_cE1Fw4).

* * *

 

“I don’t know the answer. I never have. Whether you trust in your own strength…or trust in the choices made by reliable comrades. No one knows what the outcome will be. So, as much as you can…choose whatever you’ll regret the least.” - Levi Ackerman to Eren Jäger, Shingeki no Kyojin (Chapter 25)

 

———

 Levi

 

 

On our journey to Trost District, I can’t help but keep glancing in Eren’s direction. We had been given a small reprieve; it seemed that once we arrived at our destination we would still get two days for additional preparation. Part of me was eager to engage in the battle to take back Wall Maria, but part of me wanted that time to spend with Eren. In a bed, if the opportunity should arise. Not that I would get free time to do so, but the possibility remained, and if there was a possibility maybe I could make it into a reality. I didn’t take the time to thank Erwin; he would have thought it odd and would definitely connect my gratitude to a certain shifter.

So I’m both half surprised and somewhat hopeful when Eren comes knocking on my door in the barracks. It is a luxury of commanding officers that we don’t have to share a room with anyone, and I feel like I’ve never truly appreciated it until this day.

He looks a little uncomfortable as I offer him a seat next to the scarred wooden desk. His chair is so rickety he nearly falls over when he sits down. I have to cover up a smile by turning my head away as if looking at our mission plans. He's just way too adorable when flustered.

“Um, sir, I came to talk to you about what you mentioned last night,” he says uncertainly.

I turn back to him and his eyes are unable to meet mine. His bottom lip is quivering a little bit and I wonder if he’s actually going to cry. “Yes?”

“I just…I just wanted you to know that I probably…” He takes a deep breath and continues quickly, “I probably like you as well, but I also like someone else and, um…”

He stops when he sees my frown. I hope I’m not glaring. I mean, what is one supposed to say in this kind of situation? Thanks for breaking my heart?

“Honestly, I’ve never considered being in a relationship with a…a man before,” he admits. “And the thought of being with you is scary because you’re always right in the thick of battle about a second away from getting killed.”

“So you’re going to give up before we’ve even had a chance,” I say, arms folded in a useless attempt to ward off the bad news.

“No! It’s just that, you know, I feel pressured to make a choice quickly because of the mission and I’m having trouble making a decision.” He slumps over and hides his face from me; I’m fairly certain he’s started crying.

Contrary to popular opinion, I’m not made of stone, so I take him in my arms and hold him the way I’ve always wanted to. He feels very tense, so I rub his back up and down for a few minutes until he starts to relax. He’s dripping tears and snot on my uniform but the mess doesn’t bother me as much as you think it would. “What’s so hard about this decision, Eren? Whoever the other person is, you know I can take care of you much better than they can. I think I have an idea of who it is. Do you really want to be with someone so immature?”

“I don’t know…” 

I draw a handkerchief out of my pocket and wipe his face off gently. “Eren, look at me.” I hold his chin in my hand and tilt his face up. His eyes are full of sorrow, and I can tell he’s definitely having a difficult time with the idea of breaking someone’s heart. “From the moment I first saw you, I knew there was something about you that just felt _right_. I felt as if I’d finally come home, and I was confused because I’ve never really had a place to come home to. It was this strange feeling, like I was wearing someone else’s skin. You were lying in that dungeon in chains, and you can laugh and say it’s just because I’m into kinky shit but seeing you restrained there just…turned me on. And then came the incident in the courtroom, and you just sat there and took my abuse without batting an eyelash. As if nothing I could do to you would affect the dedication in your heart to our cause. Then your fucking tooth grew back, and I thought to myself, if we were together I wouldn’t have to hold back. My partners before have always been just…too soft, I suppose, because they get turned off by how rough I get in bed. I had this fantasy that if I had sex with you I wouldn’t have to restrain myself. And that’s completely fucked up because you’re so much younger than me and I’m your superior officer…” I withdraw my hand from his face and take his hand in my own. “I swear I haven’t been thinking up cheesy lines to say to you, but on some level, I believe we’re meant to be together.”

“But why me?” he whispers. I can tell he’s just on the edge of giving in to me. I only have to push forward a little more.

“Why not you?” I counter. “You asked for it, so if this embarrasses you don’t blame me. You’re talented, honest to a fault, sweet, and I’m telling you the truth when I say you’re the most adorable thing this side of Wall Sina.”

“Ad…adorable?” he sputters. “That’s not something you call a Titan.”

“To me you’re not just a Titan. You seem more like a lost boy than anything else, one in search of guidance and trying to seek vengeance because that’s all you have left. But I also think you can have more than that.”

“More than vengeance?” he seems to consider this for a moment before shaking his head. “No, that’s all I have room for. It consumes me. Otherwise I wouldn’t have the strength to fight.”

I sigh in frustration and reply, “I know you have room for more than that in your heart. Here’s another cheesy line for you — love can be a source of strength. I know that when I think about you before beginning a mission, I find myself having greater clarity of thought during the battle, and I fight better that way because I know I have something concrete to fight for. Fuck all the rest of humanity. I just want you to live. If humanity manages to survive that’s a bonus. I didn’t think that way before I met you, but after falling in love with you my priorities shifted.” I’m somewhat surprised it’s so easy to be honest with him, but seeing as I had practically bared my soul last night I figure I don’t have much left to lose.

I decide to take another gamble. “You know, Eren, you don’t generally enter a man’s bedroom after he’s declared his love for you unless you’re ready for the relationship to progress further.”

Now he’s really blushing, and I can’t quite believe I’m being so bold, but I continue regardless. “So what do you say? We have today and tomorrow and then we’ll be fighting for our lives. I want to make good use of the time we have left.” There. I’d finally said it. _Are you going to choose me?_

“By ‘progress further’ do you mean kissing and…stuff?” he asks nervously.

“I meant more _stuff_ than _kissing_ but we can start with kissing.” I laugh at his startled expression and tug him closer. “You know I’ll make you feel good, Eren. If you want I’ll be gentle at first.”

“At first?” he wonders, eyes wide. “What do you mean by that?”

“They don’t call me Humanity’s Strongest for nothing, Eren. Things are bound to get a little…raw by the time I get excited.”

“You’re really freaking me out right now, you know that.”

I just laugh again and pull him so that he’s straddling my lap, right where he belongs. He doesn’t struggle. Taking this as a sign of encouragement, I tug him down by the collar and our lips meet in a heated kiss that I swear makes the stars dance a little faster in their orbits. At first he doesn’t seem to know what to do with his hands or tongue, so I demonstrate for him. I trace the muscles of his chest with one hand, the other tangling in his hair. My tongue delves in his mouth as it opens on a sigh, then I encourage him to wrap his tongue around mine in a dance all its own. 

He breaks it off with a deep breath and says, “Can’t…breathe.”

“You use your nose, idiot.” 

I draw him back in for a kiss and this time his hands have become more adventurous, roaming around my chest and back and dipping down to cup my ass in a way that makes me moan, wanting more. So I stand up and toss him on the bed unceremoniously. Fuck this waiting for the right time shit. I'm going to take what belongs to me.

* * *

 

Eren

 

Suddenly I’m on my back on Captain Levi’s bed and he is slowly but steadily divesting me of my clothes. I’m having trouble processing what is going on here. Are we going to have sex? Because I don’t think I’m ready for that yet. I don’t even know if I really share the same kind of feelings the Captain professes to have for me. I want to say something in objection but it seems like a really awkward time to bring up the fact that I might not actually be in love with him. And he is like a man on a mission, entirely consumed with having sex, as if he’s been starved for touch for years and now that he has it within his grasp he simply can’t let it go. If that’s the case I don’t want to deprive him of something he needs, and he had said this kind of thing makes him stronger in battle right? Or have I misunderstood him?

So I don’t put up a fight when I feel his oiled finger penetrate me. I just let it happen, because it seems like this is a battle I’ve already lost. I’ve let him kiss me, and it had felt nice, as if he were demonstrating how much he cared about me. But this is different. There is a hint of desperation in his breathing now, and I cringe at the burn as he adds a second finger too quickly. He is too eager, and under any other circumstances I would be flattered. But he is massaging my asshole open and that requires a certain amount of patience that he just doesn’t seem to possess today. In fact, he hasn’t even taken the time to take off his own clothes in his haste to touch me. I try to gather the courage to point out this fact and that it’s just weird being naked while he’s still clothed. It turns out I don’t have to because he seems to notice I feel uncomfortable and silently strips in front of me. I look away; for some reason I feel incredibly awkward watching this whole scene unfold.

He climbs back on the bed and I scoot backwards so that my head is lying on a pillow — it seems like the least I can do to become more comfortable. He frowns and asks, “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” I lie. I hold out my arms to encourage him to come closer and he grins at the gesture. He fucking grins. I’ve never seen this facial expression on the Captain before. And right then and there, I vow to see this thing through to the end, no matter what it feels like for me. Because if I can make him grin like that with just a simple gesture, how much better can I make him feel by letting him have his way with me?

Hi climbs onto the bed and straddles my thighs and suddenly I truly realize that he’s actually naked and we’re really going to do this. Sex. It makes me a little dizzy and I have to grip the blanket tightly in order to ground myself in reality. I’m going to survive this. It’s just a little physical interaction, right? No big deal. So when he resumes touching me I’m not prepared for the lightening bolt of pleasure that arcs through me as his finger brushes against some secret place inside me. I don’t exactly scream but I’m not completely silent either. He curses and covers my mouth with a kiss as he continues his assault on that pleasure spot. I squirm under his touch because this is just unbearable, I can’t stand this feeling, it’s too much, everything is just too much, I’m falling to pieces and I don’t think they’ll ever fit back together again. The feeling disappears as he withdraws his fingers, thankfully. I moan at the sense of emptiness that I’m left with, a sense that I need to be filled with something, anything. I don’t have to wait very long before I feel him dribbling oil over my hole. It's cold and the sensation is so strange that I flinch away. He just chuckles and takes my hips firmly in hand, positioning his cock at my entrance. When I glance down I see how much larger it is than mine and my last coherent thought is, _That’s simply not going to fit_.

The Captain doesn’t seem to have any qualms as he takes his cock and, in a single agonizing movement, brutally forces himself inside me. I have no words to describe the pain I feel then — it is like my insides are tearing apart and I honestly think something does tear because I fucking see steam come out of my ass as he starts to thrust in and out of me. I have no clue what he is thinking at this point, but he isn’t exactly being “gentle” like he promised he would be. Unless he has some serious misunderstanding about what that word means. 

For a few minutes I just lie there, terrified and in horrific pain. But gradually, whatever wounds he had made heal and it starts to feel almost good. I say almost because it is a strange feeling, being filled by him. It feels like my body is simultaneously trying to reject him and suck him in. But gradually I have this sense that my body is becoming more and more accepting of him, and that scares me more than words can express. So when I feel his dick brush against that pleasure spot inside me I break down completely. I am still recovering from the pain of being fucked raw, and to have my body betray me again by just eagerly accepting this invasion is too much for me to handle. I can’t stop the tears from staining his pillow and he stops moving abruptly, obviously concerned. I think up to that point he thought things were going well, what with all the moans I’ve been making.

“It’s okay, you don’t have to stop,” I say in between sobs. “I just…it’s a little overwhelming.”

He groans and drops his forehead against mine. “You’re a terrible liar, you know that.” He pulls out and walks toward the attached bathroom. 

I feel incredibly empty now that he’s gone. Like he’s punched a hole inside me and now it is gaping open, waiting for him to come back and fill it again. 

He returns a few moments later and flops down next to me. “If you were upset you should have told me before, dumbass.” He kisses me on the forehead and wraps his leg around mine, holding me from the side.

I wipe my eyes with the back of my hand and reply, “It’s nothing, really. I’m just new to this. I’ve never…” I can’t admit to being a virgin. It’s too embarrassing.

“I know.”

“Oh.” I have no idea what to say now.

“I guess I should have gone easier on you. It’s just that I was so excited…”

“Ah.” I lay there uncomfortably and then belatedly realize my own dick is still hard.

He seems to notice it about the same time and smiles lazily. “I can help you out with that.” He scoots down and I’m shocked speechless as his mouth covers my cock and begins to suck and lick up and down my length. My cock is enveloped in warm, moist heat and the sensation is unlike any other I’ve ever felt before. It doesn’t take very long to bring me to the brink of orgasm. When he takes it to the back of his throat and swallows on it I can feel my balls draw back as if my dick is ready to explode at any moment. “Wait, wait, I’m gonna come, Captain!” I warn him, but he persists in sucking until I erupt in great spurts in his mouth. A little bit of white liquid dribbles from his lips as he finishes milking the very last drops from my cock. 

“Wow,” he says, licking his lips clean. “You must have been holding it in for a while.”

I flush in embarrassment. I haven’t exactly had the time or privacy to masturbate for some time now. I kind of understand why the Captain was so eager to get in bed earlier. That doesn’t mean I agree with his methods. He had been rough when he’d said he was going to be gentle, and the experience had been somewhat traumatic. 

Part of me wants to cuddle with him, but the rest of me says I should make a run for it while I can. I ease myself out from under his hold and begin to put my clothes back on. At least all the buttons are still intact. I had been afraid he was going to rip them off but he had been careful. Standing at the door, I pause and say, “Um…I honestly have no idea what to tell you, Captain.”

“So that wasn’t enough to convince you?” Is it just me or does he sound wistful? “You know, you can call me Levi when we’re alone.”

“Uh, okay, uh…Levi.” I have never felt more awkward in my entire life. “Um, we can talk more tomorrow, I guess.” I have no idea why I offered that, but now the words were out of my mouth and I can’t take them back.

“Yes, let’s do that.”

As I leave his room I want to rush out as fast as I can but I’m careful to take measured steps. I don’t want to act like a child in front of the man.

When I see Jean immediately after that I just want to break down into tears all over again. Can nothing go right today?

* * *

 

Jean

 

When Eren comes out of the Captain’s bedroom, looking disheveled and distinctly as if he’s just been fucked, I immediately know my chances with him have dwindled from slim to none. So the Captain has already made his move, huh? I feel like I’m slipping into a deep despair that nothing and no one will be able to save me from. I’m not just angry, frustrated, or even sad. I am starting to feel like there is something missing inside, like one of my internal organs has been cut out and sold to the highest bidder.

Cue the waterworks. I stagger back until my shoulders hit the opposite hallway wall, tears starting to well in my eyes. “You slept with him, didn’t you?”

He’s silent as he stares at his feet. He looks guilty and he damn well should. Did my confession mean so little to him that he would immediately go and fuck the Captain?

“Look, I can explain, if you’ll let me…” he mumbles.

“Explain what?” I retort. “That you’re dating someone else even though I told you I was in love with you?”

He looks up at me quickly and says, “We’re not dating.”

I roll my eyes and start to walk away in the direction of the room I share with Connie. I savagely wipe away my tears with the back of my hand; I don't want it to seem like I'm crying over him. “So you’re just fucking each other then?” I ask disinterestedly.

“No, no, I just…made a mistake, that’s all,” he replies plaintively. “Can you tell me you’ve never made a mistake before, Jean?” 

“That depends on what you mean by mistake. If by mistake you mean, I accidentally fucked my superior officer then no, I’ve never done that.”

“Jean, fuck you! Will you just stop and listen to me?” Something in his voice makes me stop involuntarily. When he catches up to me he wraps his arms around me from behind and my breathing is arrested for several seconds. What the fuck is happening?

“Eren?” I turn around and cup his face with my hands. “Baby, tell me what’s wrong.”

He’s sobbing as he throws himself at me, hugging me so tight that I can hardly breathe. “I didn’t want to, it just happened, I completely regret it, it was so painful I wanted to die, please tell me you’ll forgive me. If you don’t I…I don’t know what I’ll do…”

What? It was painful? “That fucking bastard, I don’t care if he’s Humanity’s Strongest, I’m going to fucking kill him if he hurt you!”

“Jean…” His voice is broken and I hate to think what might have happened to him in the room a few feet away.

My anger starts to subside as I realize he needs me to support him more than he needs me to defend his honor. “Eren what do you need from me right now?”

“Just hold me,” he whispers.

Part of me is elated at this development because hell yes, I’ll definitely hold him. The rest of me tells myself to keep it cool, he obviously doesn’t want or need to have sex now and he just needs a shoulder to cry on. So I guide him to my bedroom, only to find that Connie and Sasha are making out in there. “Hey we’re busy in here, Jean!” Sasha yells. Connie is blushing and I just really want to kick him in the nuts but I try to be understanding instead. Eren probably won’t think a selfish bastard is attractive.

“Um, we can go to my room if you want,” Eren says timidly.

“Sure.”

I follow him there and we walk in comfortable silence. For once I don’t feel like I need to get into an argument with him or that I need to impress him. I can just _be_ with him, and that’s enough. When we arrive, he lets me in and lights the hanging lamp. He turns around and he’s the one that’s blushing this time. “Um, I have the top bunk. Do you want to…?”

I’m not quite sure what he’s asking but I think he wants me to join him on the top bunk? So I just nod dumbly and follow him as he climbs up. Once there, the anxiety starts to set in. What do I do now? How am I supposed to behave? I’m a little puzzled when he lays down with his back to me. 

After a moment he turns his head to look back at me in irritation. “Um, hello, you’re the big spoon?”

I can’t help but laugh in relief. This, I am capable of accomplishing. Hopefully I won’t get a boner while doing so. So I just snuggle in next to him and lay my hand over his waist. I’d forgotten how petite he is in comparison to me. I can’t help but kiss him on the back of the head; he sighs and settles back against my chest. “So…do you wanna talk about it?” I ask after a few minutes.

“Not really.” At least he’s not crying any longer.

“Then can you tell me what you intend to do after this?” I might be pushing my luck here, but I also want to know where I stand.

“I intend…I intend to tell him that we can’t be together. That I can’t return his feelings, because I already am in love with someone else.”

My breath catches in my throat and it’s almost a full minute before I can properly breathe again. When I do, my heart starts racing and I ask, “Can I ask who you’re in love with?”

“Shut up, you stupid bastard. Of course it’s you. Who else would it be?” he replies irritably.

“Oh. Right. My bad.” I snuggle up a little closer to him and place my hand on top of his. “You know I’m not going to pressure you for sex or anything…”

He doesn’t let me finish. “Oh shut it! Wait until tomorrow okay? I just got my ass torn and you want to tear me a new one? Besides, do you even have any lubricant?”

“Um, Eren, that was slightly too much information and no I don’t but I swear I’ll get some by tomorrow.” I’ll start by asking Connie, I’m sure he has some or at least knows where to get it because he is definitely up to something with Sasha.

“You’d better.” He turns over abruptly and I’m a little amazed how beautiful his bright green eyes are shining now at me. Belatedly I realize they’re shining with unshed tears. How much can one person cry in a single day? “Armin is going to be upset with me but I can’t bring myself to care very much. Does that make me a bad person?”

“No, I don’t think so. I think it makes you human.” I lean forward to kiss him on the cheek and he rewards me with a silly smile.

“I kind of wish we could have sex now,” he mumbles, half to himself.

I can only laugh because wasn’t he the one who had just snapped at me that we couldn’t do anything? I pull him towards me and give him a hug, saying, “Tomorrow is soon enough, right? I want you to be completely healed and able to enjoy it.” Part of me is still incredibly angry that the Captain hurt Eren, but I know realistically there’s nothing I can do about it now except keep Eren away from him. “Eren, can you promise me something?”

“Um, sure?”

“Can you not have sex with that man again? Because I don’t think you’d enjoy the second time anymore than the first. I don’t want to see you get hurt.”

He draws back from me and frowns. “Why the hell would I go back to him? What kind of idiot do you take me for?”

“I don’t think you’re an idiot. I just…I’m just fucking jealous, okay? Like, _insanely_ jealous.”

“Oh.” He looks slightly mollified but turns back around again all the same. “Spoon. Now,” he demands.

“Alright, alright.” I settle back against him like before and it’s so comfortable that we both fall asleep within a few minutes.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Levi quote was taken from the licensed version of Attack on Titan: Colossal Edition, vol. 2. The Dessen quote was taken from Goodreads at http://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/love  
> By the way, I used the common scanlation translation of Wall Sina because I'm more comfortable with it than Wall Sheena, which is used in the licensed version. I mean, Sheena sounds like this girl I went to elementary school with and it kind of weirds me out to think of her name as the innermost wall on Paradis Island.


	5. Immolation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “How could they see anything but the shadows if they were never allowed to move their heads?”  
> \- Plato, The Allegory of the Cave 
> 
> Also, you’re welcome for the completely unnecessary sex scene. lmfao

The soundtrack songs for this chapter are Born for Greatness by Papa Roach

Listen on [Spotify](http://spoti.fi/2oFFXrk), [iTunes](https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/crooked-teeth-deluxe/id1216827755), [YouTube](https://youtu.be/8i8uLP71U8Q)

and Flame (Roosevelt Remix) by Sundara Karma, Roosevelt

Listen on [Spotify](https://open.spotify.com/track/4t888qbhF3x1YunfUfS64K), [iTunes](https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/flame-roosevelt-remix-single/id1020248642), [YouTube](https://youtu.be/4sp9Eda171g)

* * *

 

“There was no other way… But this world…is it not just…unbearably cruel?” - Bertolt Hoover, Shingeki no Kyojin (Chapter 78)

 

———

Levi

 

I don’t get the chance to talk to Eren the next day. I can’t tell if he’s trying to avoid me or not, but we’re both busy in preparations so it doesn’t bother me much. I know that I had been a bit rougher with him in bed than I had intended, but I don’t think it is enough to change the direction our relationship is going. He is far too attached to me to just give up after a little bit of rough sex. At least, that’s what I keep telling myself as we stand at attention atop Wall Rose, nearly ready to depart for Shiganshina.

Although our operation is supposed to be a secret kept under cover of darkness, the townsfolk have figured out what we’re up to and are gathered below, cheering us on. I glance at Eren and wonder if now is an inappropriate time to steal a kiss. It seems fitting with the atmosphere, and it’s dark enough that no one will take notice.

Even Erwin is excited as he loudly announces, “Commence the final operation to retake Wall Maria!” 

I try to catch Eren’s eye but he is turned toward a taller person who I belatedly realize is the Kirstein boy. They are whispering to each other so I can’t quite hear their conversation. I suddenly desperately wish Eren would look my way, if only to reassure me that he is paying attention to me and does prefer my company over that damn gangly upstart. But I don’t try to get his attention or say anything to him; that would be unprofessional and I know where I belong at this moment. I am a captain in the Survey Corps and I must behave like one.

We’re lowered to the southern side of the wall along with our horses and supplies without any incident. Our path is only illuminated by flashlights under the still, eerily silent darkness of a new moon. This side of Wall Rose hasn’t seen human habitation in five years, and the path is overgrown with vegetation. Many stumble as we lead our horses toward the southernmost point of Wall Maria. We only encounter a single sleepy Titan during the entire nighttime journey and although I’m glad we don’t have to engage the enemy just yet, my hands itch for a blade to slice into its filthy neck.

Dawn is breaking by the time we reach our destination. The whole place is entirely devoid of Titans, and a chill of alarm runs down my spine as I realize we’re most likely being set up for a trap. But there’s nothing we can do except move on with the plans we’ve made. The breach at the Shiganshina main gate is massive, larger than I had previously anticipated, and I wonder if Eren can really fill it in using only his hardened Titan skin and body. I don’t get much of a chance to worry about it though, because he is off on his vertical maneuvering equipment and biting his hand before I can make any objection. 

As he shifts, the blast from his transformation obscures his body for a few seconds. It’s enough time for my heart to plummet in my chest, despite knowing he’s probably just fine and I have no need to be anxious. He’s gone through this routine multiple times, but the fact that he’s doing it in a place where he’s so vulnerable to our enemies’ approach makes me particularly nervous. I do my best to cover my feelings though, and tell myself I’m not jealous of Mikasa as she swoops down to lift Eren’s human body from the hardened Titan form.

The operation is a success, but I know we have a long ways to go before we can declare victory. We still have to kill our enemies and return to Trost in one piece.

Part of reassuring myself with Eren involves putting him in his place. I feel the need to tell him, “Until we kill all our enemies, including Reiner and Bertolt, the plan to retake Wall Maria is not over.”

He replies immediately, “Of course. I know that.”

The little shit. Always thinks he knows everything. But that’s part of why I’m in love with him. So when no one is looking, I whisper in his ear, “Stay alive and keep up the good work.” Can’t have people thinking I’m playing favorites, but I want him to know I care. This may be the last time I’ll be able to whisper sweet nothings to him, after all. As I draw back I see he’s blushing and I feel extremely satisfied with myself.

Then Armin has the troops start searching for Reiner and Bertolt inside the walls, and all hell breaks loose. Reiner leaps out of the wall like one of those windup toys and before I realize what I’m doing, I’m dropping down the wall to chop off his head without a second thought. But my blade gets caught in his fucking iron-clad neck and he transforms into a Titan before I can finish him off.

We are soon surrounded by enemies: the Beast Titan on the south side with a hoard of minion Titans in a semi-circle barricading us in, and the Armored Titan and possibly Bertolt still hiding inside of Shiganshina. Eren is ordered to fight Reiner with the rest of my squad and I helplessly watch as they leave to mount their attack. We have new weapons, but they are untried in battle and we cannot be sure they will work to take down Reiner’s armor.

My failure to kill Reiner leads me to accepting Erwin’s request to abandon my watch over Eren, something I feel deeply uneasy about but nevertheless can do nothing to change. I have to follow my orders, and if that means I will be stationed on the southern side of the wall with Erwin then that’s where I will go. But my stomach lurches as I leave Eren’s side; I feel like my heart is being torn in half. I tell myself this is why officers shouldn’t date subordinates; we don’t need a conflict of interest at such a crucial moment. So I cut off my emotions and concentrate on operating from the standpoint of objective and pure, cold logic. I will worry about whether Eren is living or dead after I accomplish my mission to kill the Beast Titan.

While I’m fighting off small two and three-meter class Titans, I can’t help but think that the enemy must have more tricks up its sleeve that it hasn’t revealed yet. It has been too easy for me to cut down the Titans I’ve fought so far, although our side has suffered several casualties, since they are mainly new recruits untrained in real battle. As if on cue, Bertolt makes his appearance finally in a massive explosion behind us, and I wonder if Eren has managed to survive the blast. Then I see him tossed against the wall as if the Colossus Titan has decided to play a game of Catch the Titan. I don’t know if Eren will be able to recover from being thrown so hard, but I don’t have time to worry about him. It’s a distraction I have to put aside for considering at a later time.

When Erwin comes up with his suicidal plan to gallop straight towards the Beast Titan, who is mercilessly showering us with boulders, I am still in that place of cold logic. The part of me that is screaming at him to think of any other way to try and save himself and the remaining troops on the south side is silenced firmly by cruel logic. I know that his plan is the best and only strategy we have available to us short of doing absolutely nothing and waiting for our imminent deaths. So I disregard whatever feelings of comradeship I have for my longtime friend and commanding officer, and fly from Titan neck to neck with my 3DMG. These ones seem to be complete idiots under absolute control of the Beast Titan, so I easily cut them down in quick succession. It’s enough time for the Beast Titan to slaughter every soldier down to the last man with a devastating rain of boulders. 

I pause to look around briefly at the battlefield and Erwin is, of course, no longer astride his horse. He must be dead or bleeding out. At this point logic has left me and I’m left with only white-hot burning hatred. The Beast Titan’s facial expression is so full of avarice and self-importance that I have no compunction in slicing through both his hands, chopping off an arm in sections, blinding him, carving his feet away from his legs and ultimately cutting his human limbs off. The man inside of the Beast screams in pain and I can’t bring myself to give a single fuck. All I want is for him to suffer, so instead of immediately killing the pathetic bastard, I toy with him.

“It looked like you were having too much fun just now,” I say to the Beast. “Let’s make this even more fun.” I have this sickening sense of satisfaction when the human emerges from the Beast, missing both his arms. I insert my blade into his mouth just to torture him. “Titanizing takes a great toll on the body, so while it’s busy recovering from the process you can’t titanize again, isn’t that right?” I slice through his lips and nearly take off his nose. “Hey, you better answer me when I talk to you, you rude little piece of shit.” The man in front of me just grovels, but refuses to say anything. I wonder if there’s anyone who has survived that I can revive with the syringe and then have them eat this man. 

But before I can either kill him or take his power by having someone eat him, an abnormal Titan with supplies strapped to its back steals the Beast shifter with a single massive bite. As the Titan runs off with my prize I have trouble processing the situation. All that effort, all those sacrifices, for nothing? Was the man actually going to get away? I made a promise to Erwin that I had to keep! “Hey, where do you think you’re going?”  I yell ineffectually. “Stop! I still have plans for you!”

Instead of responding to my command, the man screams at the remaining Titans under his power to attack.

As the Titans run towards me, I find myself saying, “Just you wait and see. I gave my word that I’d kill you no matter what. I promised him!” The man was no longer listening, but I didn’t care. It was enough to make the declaration for myself.

There are over a dozen of them, and they’re big; it takes me a while to bring them all down. By the time I’m finished, I’m running low on gas and I still have to pursue the Beast shifter and the pack Titan. So I mount the wall and drop over the north side, only to find smoking destruction surrounding me on all sides. It looks like very few have survived the blast from Bertolt’s transformation into the Colossus Titan. 

I find Eren on a rooftop with the smoking, regenerating body of Bertolt and the burnt husk of another unidentifiable person. Then I notice the damn Beast shifter and his pack Titan nearby. 

The Beast shifter exclaims, “What? Are you kidding me? He followed me all the way here? You monster. Fine, I got it Levi. Let’s call it a draw. Bertolt, sorry but I don’t think I can save you. Eren, one day I will save you.” Then the pack Titan scampers off with the Beast shifter strapped to it. My first duty is to follow them, even though I want to check on Eren, so I ask for his gas and blade.

I try to chase after the pack Titan but I quickly lose his trail, since I have very little energy left myself. It’s a humiliating defeat for me, but one I have to concede to because there is simply no way for me to keep moving.

When I return to Eren’s side, immediately I know that something is deeply wrong. Eren looks like he’s on the edge of hysteria as he demands that I give the Titan injection to Armin. So the burnt husk must be his friend. He hardly looks like he is still alive, but he’s still breathing. I know Armin has saved all our lives on numerous occasions. It seems worth the sacrifice to give him our only Titan injection. I tell myself I’m not doing this for Eren, but I know I’m not being entirely honest with myself. I’m just about to administer the syringe when I hear a noise behind me.

I turn around to see a blood covered soldier, who has what’s left of Erwin strapped to his back, climbing up to the roof. He cries out, “Erwin is in danger. His stomach…all the intestines were damaged…he doesn’t have enough blood. I think the injection will help. What should I do?”

* * *

 Eren

 

The day we leave for Shiganshina, I take part in general preparations for the operation but after a while I’m ordered to go rest. We won’t be able to sleep that night and I have to turn into a Titan the following day, so I’m supposed to get some sleep while I can. I’m not exactly surprised when I hear a knock at my door and I open it to find Jean with a sly grin on his face. I let him in and he walks inside with a distinct swagger, then promptly starts to shed his clothes.

“Wha-?” I say, dumbfounded at his bold attitude. “What do you think you’re doing, moron?”

“What does it look like? I’m taking off my clothes so we can have sex,” he explains as if it’s the most natural conclusion in the world.

“Bu..but I’m supposed to be sleeping right now,” I protest (if I’m honest with myself, this is a half-hearted protest at best).

He’s finally naked and his cock is at full attention, standing straight and proud for all to see. I quickly turn to lock the door while he comes up to me from behind and starts rubbing off on my back. “Eww, gross get that thing off me.” I slip out from under him and begin to take off my own clothes. “If we’re going to do this, let’s do it right. I don’t want your jizz on my shirt.”

He just smirks at me and cups my face with his hands. I’m not prepared for the heated kiss that comes next — his tongue is thrusting in and out of my mouth like he wants to fuck it as he backs me up so that I’m pinned against the wall. I push him away so that I can finish taking off my socks and shoes and I hear him grumbling in frustration. “One thing at a time, Jean.” Once I’m done, I climb up to my bunk and he follows me with a bottle of what looks like an oil of some sort. 

“Is that what I think it is?” I ask nervously. I scoot back towards the wall as if to put as much distance as I can between me and the foreign bottle.

“Well, you asked for it, so you shall receive it,” Jean says, and sets it aside.

I’m a little confused, but I begin to understand his intentions as he proceeds to kiss every inch of me that he can reach. He’s teasing me in a way I’d not anticipated, and although I’m enjoying it I also want to slap him a little.

Several times his lips comes within inches of my dick, but he stays away from it and it’s so frustrating I want to scream. “Can we just get on with it, Jean, please?” There. I’d said please, didn’t that count for something? I’d never said please to the bastard before.

He looks up at me with heavy lidded eyes and I gulp involuntarily. What was he thinking? “You’re going to have to tell me what you want me to do, Eren,” he says in a low voice. The sound of it makes my cock twitch and I’m suddenly _very_ aware of another area in my body.

“Um…” I search my head for ways to say this without sounding like an idiot but fail. “Um…can you, uh…fuck me? Please?” I added the please again just in case. I didn’t want to have to say it again.

“No, you need to be specific. Tell me _exactly_ what you want me to do. And then you’re going to tell me how it feels. But first, I need instructions. I’m the idiot, right?” He grins and I just want to smack him hard but I have a feeling it will be more fun to have sex then have a fight.

“Okay, you win, motherfucker,” I reply with teeth bared. I scoot up close to him so that our dicks are just barely brushing and I wrap a leg around his hip, then begin to grind against him slowly. His eyes flutter closed for a second and he moans in this deep tone that has me on the verge of coming right there. I have to grip my cock at the base to keep myself in check, but I continue to grind against him as I whisper into his ear, “I want you to take your long, thick cock and ram it inside me so hard I see stars. I want you to fuck me until I beg you to stop and then I want you to continue until I sob for mercy. But you better keep going because no matter how much I tell you to stop, the truth is I want you fuck me long enough that my body takes on your shape and remembers it forever. I want you to fill me up with enough cum to make a mess of these sheets, so that it keeps dripping out of my asshole all night. I want it just a little rough because I need to have the pain to have a reminder of what we did together.”

For a few moments he’s silent and then he says, “Fuuuuuuck Eren that was hot.” He draws me in for a kiss and I bite his lower lip playfully. “Mmm. Sure, I can do that. But yesterday you had rough sex and didn’t like it,” he says in concern.

“Well, yesterday he hardly prepped me at all,” I counter, and he curses silently.

“What a dumb fuck, can’t even treat you right,” he mutters.

“Let’s not worry about him for now. Right now I want your fingers in my ass.” I’m having fun with this dirty talk. I’ve never gotten to express this side of me, and I find that it’s really quite amusing to see the way he reacts to it.

He reaches across the bed to open up the bottle and spreads some oily substance on his fingers. He gestures for me to raise my leg and I open myself up to display my hole for him. It’s embarrassing but necessary and I honestly am dying to feel his long, thick fingers moving around inside me. When his finger first enters me it doesn’t feel uncomfortable at all, and I breathe out a sigh of relief. I can tell he is searching for something, and he concentrates on looking at my eyes as I moan and bite my lip at the odd but wonderful sensation of his finger sliding in and out of me. “Tell me how it feels,” he commands, and I automatically want to obey him for some reason. Any other time, I would be resisting, but right now he is running the show and he knows it. 

“Um…it feels strange, but in a good way. It…oh! Ah…” I nearly shout as he brushes against that pleasure spot inside me the Captain had discovered yesterday.

“Found it,” Jean says with a smug smile, and begins a full-scale assault on that spot with an ever increasing number of fingers. When he reaches three, I’m actually sobbing from pleasure, it’s so overwhelming. I’ve been gripping my dick like a vise in order to keep from coming too soon, but he swats my hand away and begins to fist me in the same rhythm he’s pumping his fingers in and out of my ass. It only takes a few seconds for me to come messily all over his hand and forearm.

I lay back, exhausted, and hardly notice as he rubs more of the oily liquid on my asshole. Then I feel him at my entrance and I brace myself for the pain, but it doesn’t come. This time, there is no burn, only an increasing sense of fullness. He experiments with the angle until I arch my back with a shriek of ecstasy. “Fuck, Jean! Fuck yes do that again, please Jean oh please please…” I chant over and over while he slams in and out of me, each time hitting that pleasure spot and each time making me cry out his name. 

My dick has become hard again and when I near the brink, he backs down and begins to fuck me agonizingly slowly. “More, more, I need more, Jean!” I grab my dick in order to pump it but he slaps my hand to the side.

“You’re gonna come just from your ass today, sweetheart,” he says. I want to kill him but I also want to maybe see what it feels like, to just come from being fucked.

The sweat dripping off him lands on my face and I lick at it. It’s salty and tastes exactly like Jean and I decide I want more of it. So I begin to lick and suck his neck and chest and any bit of skin I can get a hold of. 

He chuckles and flips me over, so that my back is facing towards him and my face is smashed against my pillow. He positions me so that I’m on my knees with my ass is raised. “I always wanted to see you from this angle, Eren,” he confesses, holding my wrists as he begins to fuck me so hard and fast I can feel it start to burn a little. It’s not enough to really bother me, because he’s still managing to hit that spot relentlessly. In fact, the combination of pleasure and pain mixes into something so extraordinary that the pillow isn’t enough to muffle my screams. He tries to shush me but I can’t seem to do anything about it. It just feels too good. It’s his own fault for making me feel this way.

He raises me so that I’m seated on his thighs and continues to leisurely thrust in and out of me but now he starts to pinch and twist my nipples. This is enough to bring me to the brink of orgasm in and of itself, since I’ve never had my nipples toyed with and they seem very sensitive. Not only that, the new position lets me take his long cock even deeper; the moan that escapes my lips at the feeling of having every last inch of him inside me is practically pornographic. At this sound, he leaves off toying with my nipples in favor of grabbing onto my hips tightly so that he can truly ram into my ass with all his might. The bunkbed is nearly swaying back and forth, he’s using so much force, and I wonder if the whole thing isn’t just going to crash down soon.

I don’t have to wonder long because he bites down on my shoulder and that’s enough to make me come for the second time, back arched against his chest, panting against his neck. As I come my ass squeezes reflexively around his cock and I can finally feel hot cum flowing into me. Where it belongs. I want it to stay there, so that I’ll have a part of him with me on our mission to Shiganshina. It probably sounds kind of gross. I probably previously would have thought it’s sounds gross too. But lately I’ve been thinking, there’s just something about this guy that makes me crazy. Because the more time I spend with him, the more I just want to be in bed with him literally every moment of the day.

I had only recently thought it was disgusting to have his cock inside me. But thinking back on it, I’d been immediately attracted to the idea, and was incredibly embarrassed about it. With just a little suggestion from Armin, I’d realized the feelings I had for Jean were more than what you might have for your average frenemy. It had been easy after that to imagine doing things with him that I would previously have considered gross.

Jean starts to pull out of me but I stop him, saying, “Wait. Um…I just want to stay like this for a bit, okay? I…like having you inside me and um, I want some of your cum to stay in there. At least, as long as possible.”

He’s silent and I think I’ve really done it this time. He must think I’m insane and gross. “Eren, that’s so fucking hot, you…you’re such a little minx, always seducing me.” I press my back against his chest and look up into his eyes. He’s not frowning at me or giving me any weird looks so I think maybe I haven’t fucked things up too bad with my weird request. He continues, “I’ll give you as much cum as you want, but it’s true that you do need to get some sleep for tomorrow.”

I’d nearly forgotten what we were doing that evening. “Oh, right.” I slump in his arms and fall over on my side, not bothering to avoid the trail of my own cum that had gone flying a few minutes earlier. I am well and truly filthy, and if Jean doesn’t like it that’s his problem. His now flaccid dick slips out of my ass and I experience an acute sense of loss. _I fucking need his cock like I need water_ , I think to myself with chagrin. _It feels like heaven inside me and I want it in me again, right now._

I feel him climb off the bed and hear the rustle of clothes. The door opens and shuts, and I wonder if that was it. Wham, bam, thank you Eren? Is that all that we’re going to do today? I huddle underneath the covers, naked and shivering in the sudden cold. 

When the door opens and shuts again I think it’s Armin, but I feel someone climbing up to the top bunk again and turn around to find Jean with a wet cloth and a change of clean clothes for me to sleep in. “You were going to sleep in a puddle of cum, you idiot,” he explains, and begins to rub me down where semen is starting to dry in sticky patches. “I have a change of sheets, too, and a clean blanket. We can do your laundry when we get back from the mission,” he says. _If we get back_ , I think.

I just say, “Thanks, Jean.” But I am more than grateful, so after I have been cleaned, changed (he even helps me dress me, as if I am a child), and have the bed linen changed, I pull him up onto the bed a second time and kiss him soundly. I try to pour all my gratitude and love into it, and the kiss turns so heated that I’m afraid we’re going to need to have sex a second time because we’re getting hard again. When we come up for air, Jean says breathlessly, “What was that for?”

“Just a thank you, and because I love you.”

“I love you too.”

We end up kissing for a while longer until we both fall asleep, tangled up in each other’s arms.

 

———

 

“Eren. Eren. Eren, we need to get going.” Armin is speaking to me but I don’t want to open my eyes. “Eren, you’re going to miss dinner.” I groan and huddle closer to the body next to me. It’s warm, comforting yet completely foreign. I haven’t slept with other people since I was a child and Shiganshina had just fallen. At the time, there was no room for people to sleep so I was always sleeping together with Armin and Mikasa. 

“Armin…” I mumble sleepily.

The body next to me mutters irritably, “I’m not Armin, dumbass.”

My eyes flicker open in alarm and I realize I’ve been sleeping with Jean. Our legs are intertwined and his hand is on my waist possessively. As I wake up, Jean yawns and moves his hand to cup my ass, then pulls my leg up so that my knee is underneath his arm. The movement jostles my hips a little and I realize they are sore, along with other parts of me that have only ever been sore once before. Yesterday. So this is what it feels like to wake up next to someone after having sex with them. It doesn’t feel so very awful. I put my arm around his broad back and pull myself closer. His eyes open and he smiles wickedly at me. “How are you feeling?”

I roll my eyes and kiss him in order to shut him up. I like the way his tongue explores my mouth so I take the opportunity to run my tongue along his teeth. I bite his lower lip softly and he moans into my mouth. “I wanna fuck you so bad,” he whispers.

“Um, you guys are really gross, you know that right?” Armin says from below. “And we have to get going to dinner. The operation is starting not long after dusk falls, remember?”

“We know, we know, Armin,” Jean says with a groan. He leans forward to kiss me on my cheek and then gets up, moving past me to climb down the ladder.

I want to lay back down but instead I accompany them to dinner. It’s a subdued affair. We’re excited to leave for Shiganshina but we know the danger is higher than any mission we’ve so far attempted. We will be in the deepest territory of the Titans, traveling at night no less. Who knows if we’ll stumble across a huge group of them?

After dinner we go back to our rooms to get on our traveling uniforms and strap on our 3D maneuvering gear. Jean gets his done quickly and comes to help me with mine. I suppose Sasha must be helping Connie. I like feeling Jean tightening my straps and checking my gear for me. It feels somehow incredibly…domestic. I blush when I see Armin staring at us in what I am fairly certain is undisguised envy. Am I so very transparent? It’s hard to hide my affection for Jean now that I’ve realized what I feel for him. I have no idea what the Captain will say when he sees us together.

Up on the top of the wall, I’m standing next to Jean when I sense someone looking at me. I don’t turn around, but I lower my voice and indicate he lowers his as well. “Jean, if you’re going to discuss sex positions you need to do it in a whisper,” I admonish him with a poke to his stomach. It’s rock hard to the touch, and although I’m not particularly soft myself I find it pretty sexy to have a boyfriend with a hard stomach. Suddenly I want to see and touch him, but I satisfy myself with petting him a little down the chest and groping him below.

“Oi! What are you doing, Eren?” he whispers furiously. I bet he’s blushing; he’s lucky it’s dark and no one can see it.

“Just making sure you’re fit for battle,” I lie. I start giggling softly and he knocks me upside the head. “Hey! Is that any way to treat your boyfriend?”

He is about to hit me a second time but he suddenly stops. “So we’re really going out now?” his voice is low and hesitant.

“That’s what I thought. If you don’t want to…” I turn my head the other way and see the Captain flip his head in the opposite direction. Was he looking at us? What did he hear?

“No, I mean yes I definitely want to date you, Eren,” Jean says in a rush.

“Good. Then we’re dating. By the way, this is a permanent deal.” I look up at him and find his eyes are wide with disbelief.

“Pe…permanent?” he stutters.

“Yeah, as in, you get me for as long as I live. I don’t know how long Titans live though. It may be a couple years, it may be a century. Who knows? Maybe whatever is in the basement will tell us. But I’m just saying, I want to spend the rest of my life with you.” I’d given it some thought before as we were being lifted up to the top of the wall. I knew this was the last time I’d get the chance to confess properly to him, the last chance to really lay everything on the line. I didn’t want to let this chance go to waste. I step forward and kiss him on the cheek, fully aware of those around me. I didn’t care if they were watching.

“Um…yeah. I mean, yes, I want to spend the rest of my life with you too,” he whispers in response, and I want to whoop for joy but I settle for taking his hand and kissing it.

“You better get me a ring when we get back,” I tell him with a triumphant grin.

“Did I mention you guys are gross?” Armin says for the second time, clearly irritated with our public display of affection.

“Sorry Armin,” I say automatically, and let Jean’s hand drop.

Mikasa comes up from behind Jean and she says to him, “We need to have a little talk, you and I.”

His eyes are round in fear as she leads him to the edge of the wall. I don’t know what she says to him, but when he returns, he just crowds in next to me and keeps shivering as if he’s cold. But it’s not particularly cold tonight, so I think he must be having a reaction to whatever she’s said. _She probably scolded him or something_ , I think. _Maybe she laid down the law for being my boyfriend. It figures she’d do something like that_. I put my arm around his waist and wait for us to be lowered down to the south side of the wall.

Once we’re on the ground, I feel like we’re in a completely different world. The vegetation is over grown, since humans haven’t taken care of the land for the last five years. But more than that, it feels wild, like all the plants and animals have reverted back to their natural habitats and we as humans are no longer welcome here. As our journey under cover of darkness progresses, I become more and more nervous, but speaking with Armin makes me feel more at ease. He can always do that for me, no matter what situation we’re in.

By the time we reach Shiganshina, I have this surreal sense of being back home but being in a nightmare. The majority of the houses are decayed and falling apart, having either been crushed by Titans or ruined by encroaching vegetation. The bridges are all destroyed, and the main thoroughfares are covered in rubble. I half expect to see Titans at every corner, but none appear. We switch to vertical maneuvering and climb to the top of Wall Maria. From the top of the wall, I can see the entirety of Shiganshina below me, and from this vantage point I can tell that the reign of Titan destruction spared no sector of the town. More than ever, I want to seek revenge for my mother and the people who died here five years ago. Now that I’ve seen the scale of destruction, I recall the Captain’s words about having room for love in my heart. I am seeking not just revenge, I realize. I want to rebuild this town and make it into a thriving place to live again.

So I take off on my 3DMG, biting through the flesh of my hand, and the transformation takes over me instantaneously. I feel my body expand further and further in a chain reaction I seek to control with the hardening technique. As I kneel on the ground inside the wall breach, I harden myself and stretch out my skin as far as I’m able. I picture my body turning into stone, becoming one with the wall, and the flesh that I usually transform into becomes as hard as the material that makes up the wall surrounding me. Immediately thereafter I wrench my human body out of my hardened Titan body, which is now attached to the wall, and am relieved to find Mikasa pulling me out. She’s always there for me, I think dazedly. No matter what it costs her.

Armin notices the remains of a campfire and sends everyone looking for Reiner, Bertolt, and an unidentified third person. It’s not long before Reiner, that asshole, jumps out of the wall and kills a soldier using Survey Corps equipment. Captain Levi tries his best to lop off Reiner’s head but somehow Reiner uses Titan hardening to halt the blade and it breaks off halfway through slicing his neck. Reiner turns into the Armored Titan, and I am able to witness seeing the same Titan who had rammed his way through the wall to create the hole five years ago. The feeling again is a surreal one, seeing the same Titan where my family and this whole town was destroyed. I don’t have long to feel sentimental though, because a massive Beast Titan appears on the southern side of the wall, and it has a ring of smaller Titans hemming us in on all sides. I am a little glad that I don’t have to face it as I receive my orders from the Commander. Reiner’s continued betrayal fuels my hatred for him, and I happily accept the mission to kill him from Commander Erwin. 

When I transform for a second time, well away from the wall in order to avoid the possibility of Bertolt’s Colossus Titan from falling on me like it had done previously, I begin to positively enjoy my one-on-one fight with Reiner. I use all the hand-to-hand combat skills I learned from Annie and avoid his direct attacks easily. I use my new method of hardening my fists to punch him with increased force and am gratified to see the blows chip away at his armor, leaving soft flesh visible underneath. Once he gets the upper hand and throws me into a building, but I take the opportunity to wrestle with him on the ground. Then I’m finally able to get out from underneath him and set up the opportunity for the others in my squad to attack him with the lightening spears.

First Squad Leader Hange and Mikasa fire one spear each into his eyes. The resulting explosions makes a massive BOOM sound that echoes across the town. Now that he is blinded, Jean, Connie, and the rest of Squad Hange can fire into his unprotected nape. So many spears are used that the armor around his nape is completely stripped. I am proud of Jean when he forces Sasha and Connie, who have been balking, to help him finish off Reiner. All three thrust lightening spears into his now weakened and vulnerable neck skin, right where the human Reiner resides. The explosion is deafening, and the Armored Titan falls to its knees, then slowly falls face first onto the ground. Reiner emerges from the neck missing most of his head, but the rest of his human body appears to be intact along with all his stolen gear.

I simply kneel in front of him and stare, amazed that someone I had once seen as completely indestructible could be brought low with weapons made with the help of the Military Police. I am dimly aware of Jean yelling at Sasha and Connie to stop crying over Reiner’s death. I love the boy, but sometimes he sure can be annoying.

Then the Armored Titan sits back up and makes this awful ululating roar, almost like it’s his last death rattle or a cry to march into battle. Maybe it is both — a signal and a sign he is on the verge of death. Either way, I know something bad is about to happen.

My premonition turns out to be correct. A huge barrel comes hurtling over the side of the wall at an incredible speed and then Bertolt falls out of it. He travels to Reiner’s side on his stolen 3DMG, and Armin tries to have a conversation with the traitor. Of all times to try and negotiate. Sometimes, I just want to smack Armin a little bit. Bertolt approaches Armin like he’s some kind of villain in a story, which he sort of is. His demeanor is completely different than what he used to be like. I know he’s now capable of murder without a second thought, and I want to defend Armin but Jean warns me off. 

He alights on my shoulder and says, “You get it right? You’re at a serious disadvantage against this guy, so don’t intervene.”

It takes every ounce of self-control I have not to intervene in the argument going on between Bertolt and Armin. I’m so relieved when Mikasa comes in and slices off Bertolt’s ear, but less happy to know he’s on the edge of transformation now. Sure enough, Bertolt flies off and transforms in mid-air, generating a blast large enough to incinerate everyone nearby. Including Hange’s squad.

The resulting Colossus Titan is impossible to fight by myself. I try my best to dislodge just his foot but all I manage to do is make him kick me off. I go flying higher in the air that I’ve ever been as a Titan, then smash into Wall Maria. The blow knocks the breath out of me and I can only lie there, stunned for an embarrassingly long amount of time. My human mind feels incoherent and is having trouble thinking clearly when I feel something pierce through my sternum. It’s Armin, come to concoct a crazy plan. I disagree with it, knowing he will be in too much danger, but Armin insists it’s the only way, and I finally concede.

He says, “I promised you we’d go see the ocean together. Have I ever lied to you, Eren? So whatever happens, you have to stick to my strategy!”

Watching Armin immolate himself on the Colossus Titan’s steam is excruciatingly painful for me. I feel like my heart is being wrenched out of my body. So I make my last hardening attempt count, and land on the ground appearing as if I’m unable to fight any longer. But I withdraw from the hardened form while Bertolt is distracted by Armin, who has locked his 3DMG hook into the Titan’s bones. As Armin is slowly being burned to a cinder, I slash Bertolt out of the Colossus Titan’s nape. I’m not careful with his limbs, which are cut off. It’s not really an accident. I kind of just want him to be in as much pain as Armin must be now.

I deposit Bertolt on a rooftop and find Armin’s burnt body not much farther away. It doesn’t look like he’s breathing. I feel profound despair and a sense of dread that all my friends will end up dying miserable, painful deaths as well. “I knew this would happen,” I say to him numbly, though he cannot listen to me anymore. “But the only thing I could do was to rely on you.”

A strange Titan with a pack attached to its back approaches from a nearby rooftop and I have really just had it up here with this shit. I’m not going to be beaten down by these motherfuckers, despite having little energy and no ability to Titanize for some time. So I take my blade and threaten to slice Bertolt’s neck off with it. “Don’t come any closer!” I shout. “Instead of letting you take him away, I’ll kill him!”

“Are you Eren Jäger?” A human strapped to the pack Titan calls out to me. He has the marks on his face of someone who has just been taken out of a Titan’s body, and steam is coming out of wounds on his face and arms. This must be the Beast Titan.

“What?” I reply, slicing into Bertolt’s neck a little bit. The man is getting too close for my comfort. I enjoy feeling the blood run down my hand; he had, after all, killed my best friend. 

The man is staring at me as if he’s seen a ghost. “Trust me, I understand you. We are both victims of your father. You have been brain-washed by your father.” 

What and how does this bitch know anything about my father? I recall my father’s face and realize this man looks remarkably similar to him. A brother, perhaps? Do I have an uncle? Or is this my own brother? Whatever the case is, I have no qualms in killing him too. “My father?” I ask, wondering what kind of information I can get from this strange fellow before Captain Levi comes to kill him. Because if I know the Captain at all, he will be on his way to finish off the job, no matter how long it takes him.

Sure enough, the Captain appears on the wall above us, covered in steaming Titan blood.

“What? Are you kidding me? He followed me all the way here?” the Beast shifter exclaims incredulously. “You monster.” It seems like it’s almost a compliment. “Fine, I got it Levi. Let’s call it a draw. Bertolt, sorry but I don’t think I can save you. Eren, one day I will save you.” And with that, the pack Titan runs off with the Beast shifter in tow.

Save me from what, motherfucker? I don’t need anyone to save me. I have Jean and Captain Levi, what more did I need? _Wait, what was I thinking just now?_ All this shifting must have really addled my brain. 

Captain Levi approaches me and says, “My gas just ran out. Give me your gas and blade, and I’ll chase after him.” I quickly comply because it looks like the Captain is running out of energy himself and won’t be able to wait much longer.

Then I hear Armin breathing, and I feel like the fates have decided to be merciful and have granted him a second chance. Was he going to live, despite suffering such terrible third degree burns? “Keep it up! Breathe more, Armin!” I yell at him. I’m not sure if yelling will help, but I have no idea how well he can hear me, either. 

When the Captain returns, I turn around and demand, “Captain! The injection! Turn Armin into a Titan, and let him eat Bertolt! Hurry and give me the injection!”

The Captain is about to hand it over to me when a lone soldier, I think his name is Floch, says, “Finally I caught up. Erwin is in danger.” I realize Floch has the Commander strapped to his back.  “His stomach…all the intestines were damaged…he doesn’t have enough blood. I think the injection will help. What should I do?”

The Captain put his hand above the Commander’s mouth and declares, “He’s still breathing.” He seems to think seriously about the problem for a moment and then adds, “The injection with be used on Erwin.”

I don’t stop to think, I just stalk angrily towards the Captain and protest, “You said you would use it on Armin!” Under my breath, so that no one else can hear us, I add, “If you ever loved me you useless cunt, you’ll use that motherfucking injection on Armin.”

He just glares at me and replies steadily, “I will save the one who can save the world.”

That’s so much fucking bullshit! Armin can save the world ten times over! He’s the most intelligent member of the Survey Corps and everyone knows it. I’m barely aware of Mikasa approaching from the opposite direction. 

“Do you two realize what you’re doing right now?” the Captain says meaningfully. “So what you’re saying is, you want me to hang Erwin, who is the Commander of the Survey Corps, out to dry? There is no more time. Step aside.” He steps forward with the injection case in hand and I put my hand on it to stop him. “Eren…ignore your feelings.”

What a cruel, unfeeling bastard this man is! To think I might have been in love with him! “You want me to just ignore them? Why didn’t you give me the syringe immediately before?” I want to add, _You stupid motherfucker_ but decide I’ve already gotten myself into enough trouble for one day.

“Because I was still considering the likelihood of Erwin’s survival.”

“But you couldn’t have expected Floch to carry the Commander here…” I counter.

“That’s right,” he agrees. “But he’s here now, so I have to inject him.”

Then Levi fucking punches me in the face. He PUNCHES ME IN THE FACE. Some potential boyfriend he turned out to be, huh? Mikasa, bless her, immediately reacts by flying at the Captain, withdrawing her blade and placing it against his neck. He has the balls to say to her, “You should also understand that without Erwin, humanity will lose to the Titans.”

Floch says, “The Captain is right. Mikasa, don’t do anything drastic. Put down your sword.”

I’ve managed to tumble all the way down to the edge of the rooftop. I mumble, “But without Armin, things will just end up the same. Without Armin, humanity will lose to the Titans. That’s the harsh truth.” My voice starts to gain in strength. “We used a boulder to seal Trost’s gate, we uncovered Annie’s identity, even operating at night…didn’t Armin come up with all those ideas? How were we able to drag out Reiner from within the wall? And finally beat the Colossus Titan? It was all due to Armin!” _You asshole, can’t you see past your own two feet?_ “The savior of humanity isn’t me or Erwin! It’s Armin! Aren’t I right, Mikasa?”

Mikasa says calmly to the Captain, all the while with her blade at his throat, “Please give me the serum.”

Floch has to interject, “The one to save humanity is Commander Erwin!”

“You shut up,” Mikasa tells him. _Thank you, Mikasa._

“How can I just stay silent?” Floch, the stupid fucker, insists. “Don’t think you are the only ones hurting. I’m guessing you are not aware. Did you know that there is not a single survivor on the other side of the wall? Everyone was killed by the Beast Titan, pulverized by rocks it tossed. Everyone is dead except for me and Commander Erwin.” Floch continues to go on and on about the losses suffered on the southern side of the wall and I try to give a shit, I really do, but all I can think about is how we really need to fucking inject Armin and we need to do it _now_.

Then Hange comes up from behind Mikasa to stop her from attacking Captain Levi. She’s accompanied by the rest of Squad Levi. 

Jean kneels down at Armin’s side and exclaims in horror, “It can’t be…”

Levi, now freed from Mikasa, gets up and removes the syringe from its canister. Hange tries to explain to Mikasa why Commander Erwin should be the one to be saved, but I still don’t give a shit. It was true what I had said before. Armin would be the savior of humanity, not Commander Erwin. I didn’t care what anyone else said, and I didn’t care if I would be courtmartialed for my behavior. 

In a last ditch effort to change his mind, I grab onto the Captain’s ankle and cry out, “Captain, do you know about the ocean? It’s a giant lake that stretches out to the horizon, and it’s filled with salt water. Armin told me all of this…” Fucking Floch, that rat bastard, jumps on me and pulls me back, but I persist, saying, “He said we would leave the walls together and go to see the ocean…but that was just a childhood dream…I forgot all about it within two days of hearing him tell me. I only thought about revenge for my mother…to eliminate all the Titans…these creatures that filled me with such hatred. But he was different. Armin wasn’t only here to fight. He continued to chase that dream.”

The Captain obviously doesn’t give a fuck about me, Armin or our dreams, because he shouts, “Everyone get outta here now! I have to let Erwin eat Bert at this spot!” 

And whoever called that fucker _Bert_ in the first place?

Jean just says, “Shit, shit…” and I can’t agree with him more.

Floch, selfish motherfucker that he is, grabs me and we fly away on his 3DMG. I’d like to think he’s terrible at it, inexperienced as he is. I’m not sure if he really is or not, but I want to think poorly of him. He is, after all, contributing to killing my best friend.

But when we land on a nearby rooftop and I turn around, I see a Titan that looks not like Erwin but like Armin, complete with the bobbed haircut. I’m speechless with joy as I see him devour Bertolt with his massive Titan teeth. To me, there has never been such a beautiful sight in the history of mankind.

* * *

 Jean

 

“You want what?” Connie asks with a nervous laugh. “You don’t seriously think I’d give you mine, right?”

So he does have some lubricant. I knew it! But it looks like it’ll take a little convincing to get him to part with it. I think about the possibility that I’ll die a virgin if I don’t get my hands on that oil. I decide to take drastic measures. “Do you remember that time when you were supposed to be on duty but I covered for you so you could get it on with Sasha in the stables?”

He starts to blush and sputters, “Ye…yeah but…but you promised…”

“No, I said ‘you owe me one.’ Well, now I’m calling in the favor. If you don’t give me your stash or tell me where to fucking get my own I’m telling Captain Levi about all the times I covered for your sorry ass.”

“No way! You’d do that?” he shrieks.

“Yes way! I will definitely do it.” I use the benefit of my greater height to loom over him. “Now, are you giving it to me or what?”

“Fuck.” He sighs and looks like he’s about an inch away from punching me in the face so I prepare myself for the little guy to get violent. Instead, he kneels and fishes underneath our bunkbed for a while until he finds what he’s looking for.

He comes out from under it looking a little disheveled and very irritated. He tosses me a clear glass bottle that seems pathetically small for the amount of effort I’m putting into obtaining it. I grab it and carefully stow it in my pants pocket. “You know how to use that stuff?” Connie asks with a grin, as if he weren’t angry with me just now.

“Um…I have sort of an idea,” I admit. I don’t say it’s my first time but I think he knows.

“You even know how to get it on with a dude?” This time he’s starts to have a giggle fit, and I have to smack him upside the head to get him to stop.

“Oww that hurt, man.” Connie continues to giggle until he says abruptly, “Just so you know, you can’t let anyone else know that I told you this okay?”

Somehow I find myself nodding as if I know what he’s about to say.

He walks closer to me and I back up so that I’m pressed against the door. How can one little kid be so intimidating all of a sudden? He doesn’t even have the grace to blush as he says bluntly, “There’s this place inside every guy’s ass that, like, feels really insanely good if you touch it. It’s some kind of gland or whatever but it feels sort of like a nubby bump and it’s positioned on the upper part of the, well you know, channel as it were. So if you find that place inside of Eren’s ass he’ll be screaming out your name, no question about it.”

Apparently the conspiratorial conversation is over because he backs off and begins to polish his boots as if he's not just revealed secrets of gay sex despite not seeming gay himself. How the fuck does he know this? Is it just a prank he’s pulling on me? “It’s not a prank,” he adds, looking up at me with a sly smile. “If I tried to play a prank like that on you I’d get a beat down so bad I wouldn’t be able to walk for days, am I right?”

“You’re right,” I agree automatically.

“Then fucking take my word for it and go please your man,” he replies cheekily.

I decide to take his advice.

Sex with Eren turns out to be phenomenal. There’s no awkwardness involved, and I feel entirely in control of the situation, like he’ll obey my every command. It emboldens me to make him talk dirty to me, and the results are so spectacular that I vow I’ll force him to talk dirty to me every time we have sex from now on. The bastard is a creative one, for certain, and a kinky one at that. He seems to have this crazy idea that he wants to keep my cum inside him. The idea turns me on so much that I wonder if there isn’t just some way I can plug up his ass so that my cum stays in there all day until I can pump some back in again, so that he starts to just fill up with it completely. I know, of course, that’s not really possible but the idea is enough for me to jerk off to it secretly in the bathroom later on.

Thoughts of my cum slowly dripping out of his ass are distracting me as we stand atop Wall Rose waiting to leave for Shiganshina. I talk about random things with Eren, including the next position I want to try out — him bent over a table — and other inappropriate stuff. The next thing I know, he’s proposing to me. Of course, my only option is to say yes. One or both of us will probably not even survive very long so it might be a promise that doesn’t mean much, but I agree to live the rest of my life with him, however long that might be. Suddenly I’ve gone from love to sex to marriage in the span of a few days and honestly, it feels pretty damn nice.

Right after that, Mikasa takes me aside. She guides me close enough to the wall’s edge that with one misstep I’ll be falling off the side. “I don’t know what the hell you’ve done to my brother,” she says fiercely. “But you better fucking take care of him now that you’re going out.” She pushes me so that I’m teetering off the edge, nearly about to fall. I struggle to maintain my balance and start to tremble in abject fear. 

 _This is it_ , I think to myself. _I’m fucking going to die here._

“I know you two had sex so don’t try to act like you haven’t,” she continues, and my trembling becomes something closer to mortified uncontrollable shaking. I might actually piss my pants if this continues much longer. “If you hurt a single hair on his head I will take you to the top of whatever Wall is closest and toss you off like so much dirty laundry. Don’t think I’m bluffing, because I can and I will.” She grabs hold of one of the straps on the back of my 3DMG harness and thrusts me out over the side so that I’m actually dangling in the air. “What do you say, Jean? Are you going to treat my brother well?”

“Uh…uh…I’m definitely going to treat him well, he won’t want for anything, his life will be perfect and fluffy like a princess,” I babble incoherently. I seriously am on the verge of pissing my pants.

“Good. Although, he’s a man and should be treated like a man, not a girl, get it?” she shakes me a little for emphasis and my gear rattles ominously.

“Yeah I get it!” I nearly squeal.

“Okay then, I’m glad we had this talk. It’s good to be able to understand each other.” Finally she pulls me back and lets my feet hit the wall. I stumble backwards and nod to her politely, then practically run back to Eren’s side.

I want to say something but I settle for standing very close to him. I think I’m still trembling a bit but I can’t seem to stop. The drop is quite far from the top of the wall to the ground, and I had been very close to finding out just how far it is. I’m reassured when I feel his arm circle my waist. To think that I, the larger man, need comforting on a night like this seems strange, but Mikasa has really messed with my head. She obviously thinks I’m not worthy of him. Well, I’ll use this operation to prove her wrong. I’ll make sure I contribute to the mission honorably, so that Eren can proudly say that he fought by my side.

That is what I’m thinking as we journey to Shiganshina during the night. All the way over there, I’m thinking about the ways in which I can best contribute to the operation. What kinds of obstacles we might encounter, what kind of reactions people might have, how I can diffuse situations, all these things are running through my head. Because I know Connie and Sasha will find it difficult to kill their former teammates. No one had discussed it during our planning session, when we received our orders from the Commander. But I knew my teammates, and how they had reacted before. I’ll need to be there to encourage them to finish Reiner and Bertolt off, should they appear, if not finish them off by myself if I have to.

Shiganshina itself turns out to be one big clusterfuck. The only things we manage to pull off successfully are sealing the main gate, keeping Eren from getting kidnapped and killing Bertolt by having Titan Armin eat him. We let Reiner and the Beast Titan get away on the pack-animal sort of Titan, the former being my fault and the latter being Captain Levi’s. We manage to let the vast majority of the Survey Corps die in Commander Erwin’s suicide dash. The Commander is dead. And to top it all off, Eren and Mikasa are now in deep shit for being insubordinate and trying to get Captain Levi to administer the Titan serum to Armin to bring him back to life.

I am responsible for letting Reiner get away, and I feel very ashamed of that. Right before Hange had been about to kill Reiner, I had said, “Hold on a second! Is it okay? That power, maybe we can take it.”

And although she had her reservations, she had considered my idea and sent Mikasa to get the injection from the Captain. When we got the smoke signal indicating that there was a problem and she wouldn’t be able to bring the injection, I knew something bad was going to happen. Of course, my premonition came true, and the pack-animal Titan came busting through and stole Reiner in one huge bite. I’m glad I was able to save Squad Leader Hange (although she is now the Commander), but letting both the Beast Titan and Armored Titan getting away when we were so close to killing them seems like a humiliating defeat to me.

Witnessing Armin as a blackened, burned corpse version of himself is traumatizing for me. But I think I didn’t understand the depth of the bond between Armin, Eren and Mikasa until I see them fighting with Captain Levi. To think they would go so far as to defy their superior officer, even take a blade to threaten him, was previously beyond my imagining. Now I understand that they will do anything and everything to ensure the safety of each other first and foremost, no matter what form the sacrifice takes. 

What I wonder now is where I stand in that hierarchy of importance. Am I as important to Eren as say, Armin or Mikasa? Or will he, under different circumstances, choose to save Armin over me? I have no way to know and I hope I never have to find out.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Bertolt quote was taken from the scanlated version of Shingeki no Kyojin in Chapter 78 on mangago.me.
> 
> As for the Plato quote, I have this theory where I think SnK is based on Plato’s Allegory of the Cave (which is found in The Republic). In the Allegory, humans are kept as prisoners in a deep cave in shackles so they can’t look around behind them to the cave opening. Behind them is a parapet wall and beyond that a fire that illuminates the cave in shadows. On the parapet wall, the prison wardens manipulate puppets to create shadows on the wall in front of the prisoners. The prisoners’ only reality is the shadows, so they think that the shadows are real. That’s what the song Flame is about, and the postmodern condition in which we’re sort of trapped for all intents and purposes. Now, for SnK I think the shadows would be the Titans, because the reality behind them would be human shifters — the puppets. I mean, Titans have this strange biology in which they don’t procreate or digest their prey. That sort of makes them shadows of real monsters in my opinion. I think the puppets would be the human shifters because the Marley people are using the Eldian “warriors” like Reiner essentially as puppets. The prisoners would be represented by Eldians such as Eren trapped behind the three Walls Maria, Rose and Sina on the island of Paradis. The parapet wall would be the Walls. The wardens would be the Marley enemies. The fire in the cave would be a stage in enlightenment itself for the trapped Eldians, so it would represent the information in Grisha’s books about the Founding Titan and the outside world. 
> 
> Who knows what goes on in Isayama’s mind, right? It’s a great mystery to me, how he is constructing this series. Is it preplanned, or a fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants operation? Based on some serious plot holes I think it’s not particularly preplanned, but that’s okay. I’m still obsessed with it. Also, has anyone here read the Before the Fall series? Why do the Titans look so different in that series??? That is also a great mystery to me. That, and how Annie’s metabolic functions are working without oxygen, or how she’s breathing without being able to move her diaphragm to get air…because based on the latest original artwork I think our favorite blond badass is going to make a comeback. Although, the Bertolt x Annie ship has sunk for good…meh. I didn’t like that ship anyway. …See you next time!


	6. Devastation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “[Socrates] And now look again, and see what will naturally follow if the prisoners are released and disabused of their error. At first, when any of them is liberated and compelled suddenly to stand up and turn his neck round and walk and look towards the light, he will suffer sharp pains; the glare will distress him, and he will be unable to see the realities of which in his former state he had seen the shadows; and then conceive some one saying to him, that what he saw before was an illusion, but that now, when he is approaching nearer to being and his eye is turned towards more real existence, he has a clearer vision, -what will be his reply?” - Plato, The Allegory of the Cave

The soundtrack for this chapter is Believer by Imagine Dragons

Listen on [Spotify](https://open.spotify.com/track/05KfyCEE6otdlT1pp2VIjP), [iTunes](https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/believer-single/id1200626096), [YouTube](https://youtu.be/7wtfhZwyrcc)

* * *

 

“But you already understand this, no? No matter what or whom, we will always end up separated by life or death.” - Hange Zoë to Mikasa Ackerman, Shingeki no Kyojin (Chapter 84)

———

Levi

 

I punched Eren. He was interfering in my mission to save Erwin, and all I could think was that I needed to complete my mission. I wasn’t thinking about feelings or emotions or any of that nonsense. In order to fight the Titans I had to armor myself with cold logic, and that mentality still lingered within me. I thought he was letting his emotions cloud his judgement, and honestly I was also jealous that he cared enough for Armin to put himself on the line and defy me that way. Eren is a creature made to feel and express emotions on a level I’ve never experienced before. It’s possible for him to feel deeply about someone or something so passionately that he’ll give up everything he has in order to save it. That’s what he was doing for Armin, and part of me respected him for that. The rest of me was fucking pissed off that he wasn’t respecting my orders, and that he was being blinded by emotions that are so useless in combat situations. 

So I punched him, in order to wake him up. But it seemed to have the opposite effect — he still persisted in going on and on about how Armin would be the one to save humanity. 

I was still going to administer the serum to Erwin when he spoke to me as if he were a child in the classroom and I was his teacher. Erwin was completely out of it, if he was having a hallucination. I didn’t have much time left. I set the needle against the skin of his remaining arm and prepared to inject him with the serum.

But then I realized that the man had suffered enough for us all, given enough of his life for the sake of humanity, that he deserved a rest. In the end, my decision was entirely a sentimental one. I had to let go of Erwin because I knew that’s what he would have wanted. He had told me it was my decision to bring back a soldier, but he hadn’t told me to bring _him_ back. He had never specifically said, you must prioritize me over any other soldier on the field. I was simply to make the best decision at the time, given whatever choices were available. And I made the decision ultimately to save Armin not because Armin could necessarily save humanity, but because Erwin was getting too tired to do it himself. There was also the fact that Eren needed Armin in order to survive as the person I knew him to be.

The fallout from my decision has a ripple effect across the Survey Corps, that is, the eight other members that remain alive. Now Commander Hange is obviously upset with me, as is Floch and even Armin himself. Mikasa is grateful, and the rest of the squad seem to be in a state of shock. Except for Eren, I think I have an understanding of what is going on with everyone. 

For Eren’s part, he is cold and distant towards me, and he can’t or won’t look me in the eye. I’m not sure if it’s because I punched him or for another reason, but he seems to be holding a grudge against me now. So much for my romantic plans.

Not only that, but he is acting too affectionate towards the Kirstein boy for my comfort. They hand feed each other, clean each other’s gear, treat each other’s wounds, and generally do everything a couple might do like finish each other’s sentences and casually touch each other. I had partially kept Armin alive with the serum because I am in love with Eren, and Armin plays an integral role in his life. Knowing that my sacrifice, to let my own best friend die in place of Eren’s best friend, had no purpose now was difficult for me to swallow. I feel cold, bitter and alone.

So when we find Grisha’s three books in the basement I feel like we at least accomplished _something_ on this mission. The knowledge contained in each book is enough to astound us all, although it seems hardest for Eren to accept since it affects him so much. To know that Titans only last thirteen years makes all of us feel bad for him and Armin, but I think it is hardest on Jean. I accidentally see him crying off on his own after hearing the news. I don’t make any remark and don’t try to soothe him. Nothing will make it better. He will simply have to appreciate the time he has left with his boyfriend.

Because it is obvious they are going out, and just as obvious that I will never have a chance to be with Eren the way I had once assumed I would. I’m not sure exactly how Jean stole Eren from me, but he must have worked quickly. There is a small part of me that harbors a secret hatred for him, since I will never get to experience the happiness I had once imagined and can now only observe from a distance. 

But I have experienced loss before. This is nothing new for me. So what, I’ve lost Erwin and Eren both in the span of a single day. Does it really matter that much? It is _impossible_ for me to let it matter. Otherwise I’ll be in a state of constant emotional breakdown. So I set aside my emotions once again. This is, for all intents and purposes, a battle for my sanity. In order to stay sane I have to cut off those things that are hurting the most — my sense of loss and despair — and throw them far away, somewhere they can never reach me again.

* * *

Eren

 

I’m standing in front of my old home with Mikasa and again I feel like I’m in a nightmare. It’s been five years but the place looks the same, with the same massive boulder that smashed the roof in. I can’t help but think of the ugly female Titan that had eaten my mother right in front of my eyes, in this very location. Her screams of pain and blood dripping out of the Titan’s mouth.

I’m brought out of my reverie by Mikasa, who indicates we should go forward and try to see how we can get into the basement. We’re able to take loose broken beams and wedge them under rubble in order to clear the area above the basement door. We pry open the door leading to the basement in the floor and find it is clean and dry, without any rot from rainwater. 

I recall conversations with my parents about wanting to go into the basement, wanting to leave the safety of the walls. So many times I was denied. One of the last things I remember saying to my father was, “I don’t want to be stuck inside these walls my whole life, not knowing what the world is like out there!” Will we find something here in this basement that will give us information about the world outside the walls, or about Titans? Or will this entire operation be for naught?

He had said that when he returned he’d let me see what was in the basement. Well, he never came back. In fact, he planned it so that he’d never come back, because he wanted me to eat and therefore kill him. Does that mean he implicitly gave me permission to look? I guess I’ll have to take the initiative and look for myself.

The fucking key doesn’t open the door to the basement. At first I’m embarrassed, and then I’m worried. What does it open then? Is it even located in this particular basement, or did my father refer to a different basement altogether? I could think of no other place he spent his time that he would have hidden something in.

The Captain doesn’t care if it opens the door; instead he just kicks it in. It figures he won’t take no for an answer. Inside, we find a ton of medical books and medicines. Nothing that would suggest my father had information about the outside world or Titans.

Then, Mikasa finds a keyhole under the main desk. I place the key inside and sure enough, the key turns and I’m able to open a secret compartment. That isn’t the end of the precautions my father took, though. He made it into a double-layered drawer, so that it looks like there is nothing inside when in truth there are two levels. On top, is nothing; once we remove the board dividing the compartment, a second level is revealed, which holds three books treated with mint oil and charcoal.

I’m astonished with what we've found. Of all the things he could leave me, I had never considered it would be books. A note perhaps, a brief explanation of why he “left” of some sort, yes. But something this complex and pre-planned? I’d never thought he would do something like this. And did he know I would bring others along with me to witness this? Did he want me to share this information? “What did my father want me to see?” I wonder aloud.

All eyes are on me. I find Mikasa raising her hand at the same time as mine to open the first book and start reading. The contents is enough to make me glad I haven’t eaten in nearly a day. My stomach is so nervous that I know I would have immediately thrown up if I had a full stomach.

There is a wealth of information in the three books, but what I find most important is what immediately effects me, and anyone close to me (Jean, Armin, Mikasa). Once a person eats one of a special group of Titans called the Nine Titans, they have thirteen years to live. I have up to eight years left, and Armin has thirteen. So much for a long and happy relationship with Jean. It’s called “the Curse of Ymir” and it’s just something I have to accept as part of being what I am.

Apparently there was a first Titan named Ymir Fritz who made a pact with the Devil to become the Founding Titan many years ago. Ymir created a race of people called the Eldians, who can turn into Titans. She brought prosperity to the land of Eldia and helped humans thrive. After she died, her soul was divided into nine strong Titans. But other people feared the Eldians and sought to control them as a source of military strength. Fearing conflict and wanting to create utopia, King Fritz of the Eldians fled to Paradis and made the Walls Maria, Rose and Sina out of interlinked Colossus Titans and Titan skin as a method of protecting what was left of his people.

The books say that I am a member of the Eldian race, also called “Ymir’s people” or “subjects of Ymir” and what we previously knew just as “all of humanity.” We are all potential Titans. _Every last single person_ on the island of Paradis, which is where we are located right now, has the latent ability to become a Titan. If we are injected with the serum we _will_ become Titans and we _will_ immediately seek to devour humans. So I am not at all unique in that respect. 

Moreover, if a Titan eats another shifter with the ability to Titanize, that Titan will gain the “power” of the person whom they’ve eaten and revert to their human form. When I say “power” I mean what type of Titan you turn into, such as the Armored Titan (currently Reiner) or the Attack Titan*, which is what I am called. This is useful if the Titan has been stuck in their Titan form for many years, such as the ones who wander around Paradis in mindless misery (our Ymir of the 104th comes to mind).

I am a Titan with the abilities and powers of two separate Titans — that of my father, which is the Attack Titan, and that of the Founding Titan, which is the royal Titan lineage that controls what is called the Coordinate. The Coordinate can control all Titans with its voice, and I have experienced this once before when I told the Titans to go and eat Reiner. But they followed my command only because I was touching the hand of my step-mother, who was of royal lineage. So the Coordinate is most effectively used by someone of royal lineage. Potentially, as long as I can hold Historia’s hand, I can control all Titans. But I’d rather not take her into battle, and I don’t think anyone else would want to endanger her either. At least, not until she’s had biological children.

Also, there exist human enemies outside of Paradis called the Marley who are not capable of becoming Titans. They rule over another set of Eldians (those who did not flee with Fritz) who are currently being recruited as “warriors” to come and attack us on Paradis. Three of those warriors are Reiner (alive), Bertolt (dead), and Annie (half dead, maybe). Another is my half-brother, Zeke, who is currently the Beast Titan. The Marley want to wipe us from the face of the world and take all our natural resources. So they send Eldians that are branded as criminals (whether they’ve committed crimes or not is irrelevant) to Paradis and inject them with the serum. Those people, our distant relatives, are the Titans that we have been fighting all this time.

I find it incredibly sad that we have been killing our relatives this whole time, and that I developed a hatred for them. That the Survey Corps could just as well have killed my father if he had stumbled into Shiganshina as a Titan, and not as a human. 

My father Grisha was part of a revolutionary group called the Eldia Revivalists on Marley that sought to free the Eldians from the tyranny of the Marley and gain equal rights and treatment. He married a distant descendant of the royal family, Dina Fritz, and had a baby named Zeke, who he recruited into the warrior program in order to infiltrate it. However, Zeke turned on his parents and betrayed them. All the people who had taken part in the revolution, including my step-mother, were punished by being forced to become mindless Titans on Paradis several years ago. 

The only one who was spared was my father, who was saved by the person that ran the Eldia Revivalists from the shadows, the “Owl.” The Owl, whose real name was Eren Kruger, was the Attack Titan; he injected my father with the serum in order to be eaten by my father. The plan was for my father to take back the Coordinate from the royal Eldian family on Paradis.

That all happened before I was born. Five years ago, Reiner and Bertolt came to attack Shiganshina. After the hole in the gate was made, my step-mother Dina Fritz in Titan form ate my mother Carla. It seems like a very strange coincidence to me. Could she have known who she was eating? The thought of it makes me sick to my stomach.

After we finish reading the books, Commander Hange stows them carefully in her cloak and we leave the basement. As we walk back to the encampment on Wall Maria, the atmosphere is somber as we process all the information we’ve just learned. When I’m reunited with Jean I don’t bother to hide my love for him. I dash over and give him a bear hug. I have eight years left; I must make whatever time I have remaining with him count.

* * *

Jean

 

Eren has at most eight years left to live. This stunning realization pierces me like a knife in the gut. Of all the things we could learn from Grisha’s books, it had to be that the person I love most in this world is going to die fairly soon. Of course, you can say that we’re all going to die at some point. Some people just die sooner than others. And we’re never guaranteed a long, healthy life either. Especially those in the military, and most especially those in the Survey Corps.

But for some reason I had pictured us getting old together, and now I know for certain that will never be a possibility. If we do somehow manage to adopt a child or two, I will have to be the one to raise them after he dies. That thought sends tears to my eyes, and I have to excuse myself, claiming that I need to take a piss. No one comments on my reddened eyes when I return. Eren is probably oblivious as always; everyone else is most likely just being tactful.

The one good thing that has come out of Grisha’s books is that we know what we’re facing in terms of the enemy. The enemy seems strong, stronger than us in many respects because King Fritz was so against technological innovation. One thing I keep thinking about is that they have the ability to fly, and we don’t. They could shoot at us from above, I’m fairly certain, and that seems like a lethal combination. I have no doubt that we will soon be seeing air warfare with the Marley people in the near future. If only we can somehow duplicate that technology before they attack us.

We again have to travel under cover of darkness back to Trost, and this time we're even more careful not to disturb any Titans that may be sleeping in our path. We can’t afford to engage in combat, because most of us don’t even have blades that are sharp anymore and the majority of us are out of gas. We don’t encounter any Titans this time, though, thankfully. We travel as quickly as we can under the circumstances, but since we’re so tired we find ourselves stumbling much more than we had previously. 

When we finally reach Trost, we are welcomed back with open arms by the townspeople. They are celebrating our return, and I want to know what the fuck is so great about nine people surviving a massacre. Not to mention the bad news that we carry. But they don’t know the news yet, so I suppose I can’t blame them for looking like idiots.

We don’t get much of a reprieve at Trost. We all get to go to sleep finally, but Eren and Mikasa have to sleep in cells. Their punishment has yet to be decided. I find it difficult to explain how much I want to murder Captain Levi as I watch him lock Eren into his cell. It’s as if all of my being is coalescing into a swirling mass of hatred. 

I have EIGHT FUCKING YEARS left with my boyfriend and he wants to shave off even a single night of that? How _dare_ he? How fucking dare he come between me and my boyfriend? So I volunteer to be imprisoned in the same cell, but the Captain refuses. I know that he knows what’s going on. I can see the look of undisguised jealousy on his twisted face as he shakes his head in a firm no. So I do the next best thing — I grab a bedroll and pillow and sleep right outside of Eren’s cell. No one calls me on it, not even Mikasa. I convince Eren to come sleep by the cell bars and we fall asleep holding hands. It’s the best I can do.

Eren has nightmares in which he relives the contents of Grisha’s books as if they were his own memories. At any other time it would annoy me, but now it just endears him to me. So I sing him a lullaby to get him to sleep. He kicks me because apparently I sound like a horse as well as look like one. Mikasa has a giggle fit and even I have to hide a smile.

We’re transported to the Capital to report on what went on at Shiganshina and I take the opportunity to snatch a seat next to Eren in the cart. I don’t bother to hide the arm that I put around him or the little kisses I give him on the cheek. The Captain occasionally tch’s in disgust. 

As farms and fields roll past us, I whisper in Eren’s ear, “I’m gonna fuck you so hard when they release you, you know that right?”

He turns bright red and nods quickly.

“I wanna fuck you in front of an open window so everyone can see us and hear you scream my name,” I continue suggestively.

He swallows and lowers his head. “Shut the fuck up, Jean, you’re gonna make me hard,” he replies in a irritated whisper.

“Would you two stop canoodling please?” Armin asks in a huff.

“We’re not canoodling!” Eren protests.

“Is that even a word?” I ask.

They both look at me and roll their eyes. So I’m the idiot now. I catch the Captain hiding a smirk behind his hand. Of course, he would know that word. Well, he may be smart, but not smart enough to get Eren. I smile to myself and lay my head on Eren’s shoulder. It’s slightly uncomfortable, since he’s shorter than me. Our fingers are laced together; I raise his hand so that I can kiss his knuckles.

I whisper in his ear, “I’ll love you till the day I die.”

He blushes again and whispers back, “I know, dumbass.”

I fall asleep, lulled by the rocking movement of the cart. 

I dream of a bloody battlefield covered in Survey Corps member corpses. Above my head are oblong flying machines like the ones described in Grisha’s books. Humans are falling out of the machines only to burst into Titans a few feet above the ground. Many of them don’t survive the fall; the rest set to eating whatever remaining Survey Corps members are alive. I’m the last person standing. The Armored Titan approaches me from one direction, the Beast Titan from the opposite direction.

Suddenly Eren in his Titan form appears from behind me and rushes to fight the Armored Titan. But the Beast Titan is there in a few seconds and the two of them begin to overpower Eren, no matter how much he hardens his skin. So I do the only thing I can think of — I take a small knife out of my pocket and slice open my left palm. Immediately, an incredible transformation takes over my body. I’ve turned into some type of Titan, and it’s a big one, bigger than Eren’s. I don’t stop to wonder how this has happened, I simply join in the fight.

I don’t have armor like Reiner or sharp nails and a gargantuan body like Zeke, but I do have superior hand-to-hand combat skills and the skin hardening technique taught to me by Eren. Within a few minutes, I’ve subdued the Beast Titan by putting him in a chokehold that he can’t get out of. I squeeze and squeeze until it stops breathing, then bite the human out from its neck. I have no qualms in immediately eating Zeke. The taste is disgustingly, sickly sweet in a way I’d not anticipated but I doggedly munch away on his body until not a speck of his flesh remains. I want to make sure he’s gone forever.

Once my horrible meal is over, I turn to see how Eren is doing. He too has beaten Reiner, but he hasn’t eaten him. Instead, Eren has returned to human form and is putting Reiner in chains, apparently to imprison him. Eren turns to me when he senses me looking, and surveys the results of my fight with the Beast Titan.

“You…” He stares up at me with tears in his eyes. “You ate my brother.”

I wake up with a start, a cold sweat prickling me all over. That was perhaps the worst nightmare I’ve ever had. It was very realistic and altogether too possible. If I had been turned into a Titan, if somehow we got our hands on more of the serum, what would Eren say if I ate his half-brother? Would he be appalled? For that matter, now that Eren has the Coordinate, are we going to let its fate be undecided by letting him die without someone eating him? Or will we designate someone in the royal family to eat him? Much as I hate to think of it, he will be dying in eight years, and somehow or another we need to make certain that the Coordinate stays in Paradis. That might involve travel outside of our island to steal some serum from Marley. I suppose we have further adventures awaiting us. Am I really okay with someone eating Eren? What an absurd world to be living in.

But for right now, all I can think of is the fact that we’re nearly at the Capital, soon to face judgement.

“It’ll be alright, Jean,” Eren says to me reassuringly. He kisses me on the cheek and I can feel my cheeks heat up. I don’t know why, but it’s different when he initiates a kiss. It makes me feel…loved. And slightly embarrassed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Eren’s Titan is called 進撃の巨人, the Attack Titan, or Shingeki no Kyojin, which is the title of the series. Notice that the licensed version, anime and scanlations chose to mistranslate the title, probably because they didn’t know the context at the time. It _can_ be translated as Attack on Titan, but can also be translated as Attack Titan (it’s literally Attacking Titan or Advancing Giant). It is obvious now what the truth is but now all the merchandise and everything is branded with Attack on Titan so we can’t do anything to change it. But really, the series should be called either Attack Titan or Attacking Titan because it’s main protagonist is Eren and you wouldn’t exactly say “Armored on Titan”, “Beast on Titan”, “Female on Titan”, or “Colossus on Titan” would you? No. You’d say: Armored Titan, Beast Titan, Female Titan, and Colossus Titan. Which is why it pisses me off every single effing time I see the hashtag #aot and the phrase Attack on Titan. I prefer to just call both Eren and the series Shingeki no Kyojin or #snk because it makes more sense to me. This has been a public service announcement of magicmau5. LMFAO
> 
> The Hange quote was taken from the scanlated version of Shingeki no Kyojin in Chapter 84 on mangago.me.
> 
> Plato quote: Here I’m associating Eren’s knowledge of Grisha’s books with the light the prisoner gets from leaving his cave. Again, shadows are represented by Titans, which seemed before to be the real menace when in fact their true enemies are the Marley.


	7. Regeneration

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “…and your very flesh shall be a great poem and have the richest fluency not only in its words but in the silent lines of its lips and face and between the lashes of your eyes and in every motion and joint of your body…” - Walt Whitman, Preface to Leaves of Grass

The soundtrack for this chapter is Underdressed by VÉRITÉ

Listen on [Spotify](https://open.spotify.com/track/0v9W4BfBwrxFLzRqWnqXPZ), [iTunes](http://smarturl.it/underdressedit), [YouTube](https://youtu.be/DwenYKjj5ik)

 

* * *

 

“Human curiosity is not something you can suppress with mere words.” - Grisha Jäger to Carla Jäger, Shingeki no Kyojin (Chapter 85)

 

———

Levi

 

We’re testifying again, but this time there’s no need for violence. Hange has been explaining the details of Grisha’s books to the higher ups. I’m just here sitting on my ass looking like a tired old fool that needs to be put out to pasture. I wonder exactly how it is that I survived killing so many Titans in one day with little assistance. Oh, right, because everyone was dying in order to create a distraction. 

It’s pathetic that only nine of us remain to discuss the events of Shiganshina in this conference. Nearly two hundred people died in the massacre. The person most notably absent is, of course, Erwin. He always had an imposing presence among this lot, no matter how much they tried to keep him under their control. People are naturally angry I chose Armin. I don’t give a flying fuck. I made a decision and I’ll stick by it no matter what. I believe in the boy; everyone else better start believing in him as well or we’re all fucked.

After the conference is an memorial and awards ceremony for the fallen and “heroes” who remain to tell the story of Shiganshina. Just before the ceremony is set to start, I overhear that new recruit Floch complaining again that I chose Armin and that “small fry” like him should be told that’s all they’re worth. I’m tempted to interrupt and say, _You’re worth as much as you put into it, asshole_ , but I remain silent and hidden. I’m unsurprised and honestly a bit proud when Eren sticks up for his friend. That little shit Floch is a whiny coward that can’t understand or respect the decision I made.

The ceremony is thankfully a simple affair in which a few speeches are made about the glorious dead and their great sacrifice as well as the bright future we have awaiting for us thanks to the nine heroes of Shiganshina. We all get small medals of honor from Historia, and everything is running smoothly until suddenly Eren grips her hand for longer than is necessary. I glance at him and find the most terrifying expression I’ve ever seen on his face. It’s as if he’s possessed by another person, someone fanatical and murderous. I don’t think he’ll actually kill Historia, but I nearly stand up to intervene. He seems to come to his senses after Historia says his name urgently and pulls out of his grip. His eyes return to normal and he looks confused, as if he’s just returning to his body from some distant place.

After the ceremony, I want to take Eren aside and ask him if he’d had a vision of some sort, and if so what it had been. He’s been acting odd lately; he’d  also stood up and shouted abruptly during the conference for no apparent reason. At that time I had chalked it up simply to adolescence, and the need to be at the center of attention. Now I wonder if it might be a part of a pattern of strange behavior, and if so, what the reason for it is. Since he is one of the last surviving members of the Corps and a Titan at that, I can’t afford to have him going crazy on me. I better get to the bottom of this immediately. After all, we have no idea when the Marley may choose to attack.

It turns out I can’t get to him, because he’s surrounded by nobles who want to know what it’s like to be a Titan and what it was like out on the front lines. Disgusting sycophants. If they really wanted to know about battle, they could enlist themselves.

Instead of Eren, I find myself accosted by the Kirstein boy, of all people. “Captain, I have something to speak to you about,” he says urgently. “It’s about Eren, and our relationship.” 

I can tell that shit is about to get real. I take his arm and guide him over to a deserted corner of the hall. “Look, you won, do really have to rub it in my face like this?” I reply as sarcastically as possible.

“That, well, that’s entirely up to you, honestly,” he says obstinately. “I have this crazy idea, and I think it might work, as long as you and Eren can find it in yourselves to forgive each other.” 

“Forgive each other for what?” I retort. This whole conversation is annoying me.

“For Shiganshina. I didn’t see it all, but I know he fought you over Erwin and you punched him and he begged you like a dog to make you give Armin the injection. He’s really pissed at you for even considering letting Armin die, and you’re pissed at him for making you let Erwin die.”

“Look, let me disabuse you of this notion that Eren had anything to do with my decision to let Erwin die.”

“Oh come on!” he exclaims. I shush him and he continues in a lower tone, “Everyone knows you’re in love with Eren, how could that not affect your decision? Even fucking Floch knows, and he just barely enlisted! Everyone can see it. What’s more, we can tell you’re miserable that I’m going out with Eren.”

I find that I can’t look him straight in the eyes so I settle for looking at his chest. Why does he have to be so fucking muscular? I decide to look at an MP standing not too far away from us and grimace. Not much better. “Regardless of my reasons for doing it, it’s over. I just want to get on with my life. I need to move on, from Erwin… and from Eren.” 

“It doesn’t have to be that way,” Jean persists. “We could…you know…”

I look at him now and he seems supremely embarrassed, blushing and fidgeting with his hands. “No, I don’t know,” I reply, curiosity getting the better of me.

“That is, well, all three of us could…” he can’t seem to say the words and looks down at the floor.

A takes me a couple seconds to process what he’s just said. Then I realize what he’s implying in a blinding flash of perception. “Are you fucking kidding me?” I say in astonishment. I add in a furious whisper, “A fucking threesome? That’s ridiculous! Simply ridiculous! I can’t believe you’d proposition a superior officer for a sexual relationship first of all, and second of all I can’t believe you’d think I’d want to be the third wheel for a relationship that’s already perfect the way it is!”

“But don’t you want to try and see if it’ll work?” Jean persists. “I mean face it, you’re going to be alone for the rest of your life if you don’t take this offer. Who’s really willing to put up with your shit? Probably only Eren, and me because of Eren.”

I’m stunned by his insight. He’s right. I will be alone, had honestly planned on being alone from now on. I glance at him and find him looking right back at me. I think I actually blush. “This is not going to work, I assure you,” I protest weakly. “And Eren hates my guts.”

He steps forward and grabs my hand, looking more enthusiastic than ever before. “It will work, I swear.”

“But I’m not even…” I swallow and wonder what the fuck I’m doing here, entertaining this wild idea. “I’m not even attracted to you, so how could it work?”

“Are you really so sure about that, Captain?” he says in a low voice that, for some reason, causes a shiver of desire to run down my spine. How is that even possible?

At this point I must be beet red because I know he planned on making his voice sound sexy and now he’s seen my reaction to it, I can’t deny the evidence. “Fuck you, Kirstein,” I snap.

“Gladly, sir.” He just grins and leans forward to whisper in my ear. “We’ll be stopping by this evening.” With that, he turns around and winds his way through the crowd until he’s at Eren’s side. How is he able to do that? Is it his height? Damn boy, has to go and get me all confused for no reason. And maybe, just slightly excited.

* * *

 

Eren

 

I’m let out of confinement by Captain Levi several days earlier than was originally planned. I have no idea why, but it may have to do with the fact that Commander Hange has been torturing me with questions. The first thing I do when let out of my cell is hug Jean; I get a glare from the Captain but I sort of expect that under the circumstances. We don’t get a chance for anything fun, however, since we have to a meeting in Trost and the conference in the capitol later on.

Historia visits us at Trost in order to greet the heroes from Shiganshina and receive her letter from Ymir. I find that I’m not drawn to her as I have been previously; this is probably because I’m finally aware of my true feelings for Jean. She doesn’t seem to make a big deal out of receiving the letter, even though I’ve read it and it seems to reveal quite a bit of information about her friend. I think she honestly is in a state of shock that Ymir is dead now and that they will never be able to reunite in a happier setting. I feel grateful that I can have several more years with Jean.

Historia accompanies us to the capitol, although she travels in a carriage and we are in a cart and on horseback so we can’t carry on a conversation. I enjoy the trip with Jean though; he keeps touching me and whispering in my ear and I’m so wound up from his constant attention that I can’t manage to nod off the way that he does. I’m reassured by his head falling softly against my shoulder later. I don’t really mind his light snoring, although I make sure to give him hell about it when he awakens.

During the conference, Commander Hange reports on the events of Shiganshina and details the contents of my father’s books. It’s a bit intimidating, being surrounding by judging eyes again. I find myself almost daydreaming in my father’s memories. Suddenly I have a vision — it was definitely Dina Fritz that ate my mother, but she was also definitely the one whose palm I touched when I commanded the Titans to eat the Armored Titan. I’d known this somewhat unconsciously before, but now I was dead certain. How could I tell that to the others? Was it of any use to tell someone?

I realize I’ve shouted unnecessarily and caused a ruckus. Everyone looks at me as if I’ve sprouted two heads. Commander Hange apologizes for me and I am so incredibly embarrassed that I feel like hiding underneath the table we’re seated at. I hear a small chuckle from behind me and I know it’s Jean. I am so going to kill him after this.

After the conference, information about the the recent events at Shiganshina, our history and our enemies are spread among the wider population via newspapers. I think people don’t really know what to do under the circumstances, so most just go on about their lives as if it’s business as usual. I don’t think they can really process how much of a huge loss we suffered at the hands of the Beast Titan and the Colossus Titan. 

I know I can hardly comprehend it myself. Just about two hundred people dead, including our commander. Now we will have to rebuild the Survey Corps from the ground up. Just as I’m thinking this, I catch Floch giving Armin a hard time about being the one chosen to receive the serum over Commander Erwin. Maybe my intervention won’t do anything to help, but at least Armin will know where I stand where he’s concerned.

“Someone needs to be honest about this whole thing,” Floch is saying. 

Armin replies, “I know you were desperate to save Commander Erwin.”

“That’s right. I thought Erwin was the right choice, not you,” Floch agrees. “But it’s not just me, you know. It’s everyone else too. Everyone who read the report thought, ‘Why wasn’t Erwin chosen?’”

I have to step in because there’s no way I’m letting this counterfeit version of a soldier make Armin feel bad about being alive. “You don’t know anything about Armin,” I protest. “Not a single thing.”

“That’s right, I don’t,” Floch replies. “I’m not his childhood friend like you are, and we’re not even particularly close.” _Well there’s a reason for that, obviously._ “But I know why he was chosen. It was because you two,” he says, indicating Mikasa and I, “and Captain Levi…the three of you let your feelings get the better of you, took the injection for your own means, and made an irrational choice. In short, you just couldn’t let go of someone important to you, could you?”

Can an asshole become worse than an asshole somehow? Is there a scale of assholianism? Because on a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being the biggest asshole this world has ever seen and 1 being a tiny asshole that hardly bothers you, Floch is about a 12. He’s way off the scale of assholianism. At this moment I just want to punch the fucktard’s face in a few times, maybe kick him while he’s down for good measure, but I satisfy myself by saying, “I think it’s best you shut up now, Floch.”

Of course the bastard has more to say, and this time it’s about me. “Eren…you’re one of the people who believe deep down inside that they’re always right. That’s why you never give up, like some unreasonable child.”

Oh no he didn’t! That asshole just went up to level 13!

Mikasa puts her hand on my shoulder and warns me, “Eren, just let it go.”

How can I let it go? The asshole just insulted me in front of everyone I know and all the people I hold dear to me! 

Floch goes on, “In that regard, Mikasa was the grown up in the situation. Because when push came to shove, she did give up.”

I can hear Mikasa gasp behind me and I know Floch has just made a mortal enemy. _You really, really don’t want to get on my sister’s bad side. You’ve made a very bad decision just now, idiot_. 

Before things can escalate any further, Jean intervenes between me and the asshole, saying, “Hey! What’s gotten into you? Floch! We’re about to hold a memorial service for our fallen comrades, you know.”

Trust Jean to have save my ass in whatever situation I find myself in. He knows how to start a fight, for certain, but he can also defuse one (when he wants to). I silently thank him for speaking up.

But Floch hasn’t finished his speech just yet (it’s almost as if he’s had it preplanned). He goes on to criticize Jean, Connie and Sasha for not intervening during the time when Mikasa and I were fighting Captain Levi for the serum. He talks about how now that Commander Erwin is gone, we’ll just be sacrificing tons of “small fry” like him and that small fry should be told that’s all they’re worth. _Hopefully, Floch won’t survive the next battle and we’ll be rid of the upstart_ , I think gloomily.

And then Armin has to go and agree with him, of all things. _He really needs more self-confidence_. He says, “Floch is right. It’s Commander Erwin who should have lived. I’m not the one who can turn this situation around.”

That’s so much bullshit! “How can you be so sure?” I interject. “I’m not sure myself. We don’t know what the right choice was because no one knows what the future holds. Did you ever really see it? What’s outside the walls…I mean, do you know?”

“The ocean,” Armin says, looking surprised.

“That’s right, the ocean,” I reply with increasing enthusiasm. “But you haven’t actually seen it yet, have you? Who knows what’s waiting for us out there! Water made of fire, a continent made of ice, fields of sand. The possibilities are endless! But outside these walls, freedom is —” I halt because I recall an image of my aunt’s little corpse being mauled by Marley dogs from my father’s memories. _Freedom is not what I once thought it was_ , I think. _Freedom is not “free.” Freedom is something you have to fight tooth and nail for, every day until your enemies are completely annihilated_.

I am interrupted by Captain Levi, who takes us to line up to receive our medals from Historia. She looks like a true queen in her resplendent dress and crown, and as I lean forward to receive my medal from her I have another vision. This time, it’s so strong I lose myself in the images and believe that I’m actually Grisha Jäger, come to ask for help from the Reiss family. 

“I’m an Eldian who came from outside these walls,” I say to the family gathered in the shining cave. “I’m a subject of Ymir, the same as you.” But Frieda Reiss has a strange, mad look in her eye as I continue. “King of the walls! Please kill the Titans who are attacking us! Before my wife and children…before everyone inside the walls are devoured!”

She simply glares at me. And I realize that there will be no parley here, no negotiation. I have to eat her, and take her powers, her memories…

Suddenly I hear Historia urgently saying to me, “Eren? Eren?” and she rips her hand out of my grasp, as if I’ve been holding it very tightly.

I blink and shake my head as if to clear it from fog. What had I just seen? What had I been thinking? And where exactly am I now? Oh, right…the memorial ceremony. My name is Eren Jäger, son of Grisha Jäger, not Grisha himself. Sometimes, well…frequently of late, I have trouble distinguishing myself from my father.

Was my father telling me to eat Historia? I don’t see how that will make anything better. We need a regent, after all, and she is the only one available for now. She’s also my friend, and I don’t exactly like to go around eating people on principle. If I need her powers, don’t I really just need to be touching her? I don’t actually need to eat her?

Suddenly the ceremony has ended and people start to mill about. I’m accosted on all sides by people, noblemen and noblewomen of all sorts who are asking the most ridiculous questions like, _What does it feel like when you become a Titan? How many other Titans have you killed and eaten?_ The questions are so strange and the people even stranger (some are surreptitiously fondling me in ways I only allow Jean to) that I try to make a run for the exit but I simple can’t, the crowd is too thick around me. I feel like I’m getting swallowed up and honestly, someone is going to rape me right here if their hands move just an inch more, and I’m nearly in tears. So when Jean shows up, explaining to everyone that I still am suffering from a wound and if they would kindly let us pass, I just about kiss him in front of the entire hall. I refrain, however, and quickly follow as he walks straight past our squad mates and everyone we know. Then he makes a beeline for the barracks we’ve been stationed at the past few days.

“Never get caught in a crowd like that again, Eren,” he admonishes me, and shoves me inside his room abruptly. “I saw what the guys were doing to you, how could you let yourself be felt up by someone other than me?” 

He looms over me and all I can do is scratch my head and shrug. “Um…they were really forceful,” I say lamely.

“But you know your ass belongs to me, not some perverted old nobleman.” He envelops me in a tight hug and rests his head on my shoulder.

“I know.” I sigh and push him away. I feel irritated and don’t want to be bothered by him about this.

“Hey Eren, I’ve been thinking, maybe this thing we have is too restrictive for you.”

My head whips around and I stare at him with wide eyes. “What the fuck are you saying?”

“Calm the fuck down, Eren. I’m saying I think…wow this is a lot harder than I thought it was going to be.” He sits on his bed and indicates I sit next to him.

After a pause, I sit beside him, and he continues.

“Look, the Captain is in love with you. And whether you like it or not, you’re still in love with him.” He grabs me by the chin as I turn away and says, “Don’t deny it, I have eyes too you know.” He kisses me softly on the lips and drops his hand. “Since that’s the way it is, I think it’s probably best if we had a three person relationship rather than just two.”

“What the actual fuck did you just say?” I exclaim incredulously. I stand up quickly only to hit my head against the top bunk of his bed. “Fuck…”

He pulls me towards him and holds me against his chest. “I have a secret I have to share with you. The other day, when we were having sex, I imagined he was there sucking you off while I was fucking you from behind and it was…so hot that I went practically insane.”

“Oh, I think I remember that…” he _had_ seemed a little overly excited if memory served me correctly. But is that enough to justify an actual three person relationship? It seems like a flimsy foundation to me.

“But I fucking hate him right now, and you know it,” I say vehemently. Ever since he punched me I’ve had little patience for the Captain, no matter how nice he’s acted towards me.

“That’s the issue, I know,” he concedes. “But if you could set aside your differences and forgive each other, I think we could have something…really good. I mean, he’s so miserable right now, have you ever even cared to notice? And you’re all bitchy because you’re pissed at him, and that’s kind of hard for me honestly…”

“I hadn’t really thought of that,” I admit. “But forgiving him for what he did at Shiganshina is going to be really difficult.”

“So what you’re saying is that _if_ you could forgive him you’d be okay with a threesome?”

“No, I’m saying that _if_ I could forgive him then _I could forgive him_ , plain and simple. I don’t know where you get off thinking I’d be okay with a threesome.”

“Because you’re hard right now.”

I look down and realize that, yes, he’s right and what the fuck, self?

“It’s okay, I’m hard too,” he says and guides my hand to his erection.

“Oi, you’re gonna stain your dress uniform!” I exclaim, withdrawing my hand as if I’ve been touching fire.

He just wrestles with me until we’re panting on the bed and he can grind his cock into mine. I whine at the intoxicating feeling and he nips at my earlobe gently. “Are you ready to go speak to the Captain?” he whispers in my ear. “I told him we’d meet him in his bedroom later.”

I shiver at the idea of being penetrated by Jean while the Captain sucks me off.

“I’m…ready,” I mumble, defeated.

* * *

 

Jean 

 

I’m honestly surprised at how easy it is to convince the two of them to meet and talk in the Captain’s bedroom. I’m not surprised, however, at how awkward the atmosphere becomes when all of us are alone together.

“So…” I say after a prolonged pause. “Captain, do you have something to tell Eren?”

The Captain has thus far been half facing us where we’re standing awkwardly near the door, and half facing his desk. Now he turns to face Eren and walks forward stiffly until he’s a few feet away. Not within kissing distance, but closer than Eren looks comfortable with. He starts with, “Eren. Eren, I…” but he covers his face with his hands and turns around. “Fuck, this is hard.”

Eren looks over at me and I just shrug. I can’t help the two of them with this. I motion him to get closer to the Captain and Eren rolls his eyes at me. Finally I push him physically. They can’t get together standing so awkwardly like this. 

“Shit, Jean!” Eren stumbles and falls against the Captain, who falls on the bed. I bite back a giggle and watch as they right themselves. I notice they sit fairly close together and I seriously have trouble not chuckling with approval. This is going fairly well.

“You…what were you going to say?” Eren asks, a little breathless.

The Captain sighs and lies back down on the bed in a huff. He stares at the ceiling and replies, “I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings at Shiganshina,” he says in a monotone.

“You sound so sincere, Captain,” Eren says sarcastically.

“I told you to fucking call me Levi when we’re alone.” The Captain covers his eyes with his forearm and I can’t help it, a chuckle does escape this time. They both glare at me and I hold up my hands in surrender.

“Sorry, sorry, it’s just that he’s so cute.”

“I’m not fucking cute, Kirstein,” he retorts.

“Well if _he_ can call you Levi what do _I_ call you? Also, just call me Jean.” I stalk towards them both and lay down on the other side of the Captain. I look up at Eren and find his eyebrows have climbed up into his hairline in his surprise. “What?” I ask defensively.

“Nothing, I just never thought I’d see you flirt with uh…Levi, is all,” Eren replies uncomfortably.

“Does that bother you?” I say with a chuckle.

“No…surprisingly enough, it doesn’t.” Eren sighs and adds, “Cap— no, Levi, I accept your apology. I have to admit, I never expected you to apologize. And I have to also say, I’m sorry for the entire thing. I was…wrong to insist you choose Armin. I was insubordinate, but I was also irrational. As much as I hate to admit it, I shouldn’t have tried to force your decision one way or the other. In the end I was very grateful that you made the decision that you made but I hope I didn’t sway your choice either way…”

Levi sits back up and stares at Eren. “I chose Armin partly because I felt Erwin would have wanted it that way, but partly because you need Armin. I won’t lie about that. But I think my choice was the right one, and I think you know that too.” He caresses Eren’s cheek and it’s all I can do not to say, _Kiss him you fool!_

I recall how jealous I used to be of the idea of Levi together with Eren. But this is different. In this, I’m a partner, not a rival. 

Eren looks over to me, as if seeking approval, and I nod, grinning. He smiles and confesses, “Levi…I never stopped loving you.” He leans forward and kisses the Captain softly, almost as if he’s afraid of the response.

When he draws back, Levi pulls him in for a kiss of his own and I can tell Eren is feeling it this time. He moans into Levi’s mouth and I find myself so aroused I’m growing hard. “Hey guys, sorry to spoil your fun,” I say, and start to remove my clothes. “But if we’re gonna fuck we need to get rid of the clothes.”

“Who said we were fucking?” Levi asks irritably.

“Me. It’s clear you guys are into it, and I’m definitely into it, so what’s to stop us?” I stand naked before him, cock at attention, and he blushes as he stares at it. I get a little closer to him, until my dick is only a few inches from his face. “Do you wanna suck it, Levi? Is that it? Do you want a taste of my big, fat cock?”

He makes a sound across between a groan and and whimper and starts to remove his own clothes.

Eren giggles and says, “I think that was a yes.”

“Shut up, brat,” Levi replies without venom.

Once we’re all naked I order Eren on the bed and say to Levi, “So how about you fuck him, while I fuck you?”

He blushes and nods silently. I have a feeling he’s never done anything like this before. Neither have I, but I’ve had fantasies (albeit with girls). Fantasies that are about to become a reality. I take out the lubricant I’ve stowed in my jacket and hand it to Levi. It feels deliciously erotic to refer to him by his first name, and I take the opportunity to use it as I help position Eren on the bed so that his ass is in the air and his face is on the bedspread. “Now, careful Levi because he’s super tight…” Levi glares at me and I use it as an excuse to kiss him on the cheek. That earns me a bright, beet red blush but he doesn’t push me away. “Stretch him slowly and work up to three fingers,” I continue.

“Cheeky brat,” Levi mutters under his breath, but takes my advice all the same.

While Levi is bent over Eren, I use the opportunity to slather oil on the older man’s asshole. He flinches and looks back at me balefully. “It’s alright, I’ll go slow,” I say with a grin. “I’ll make you feel good, right Eren? Tell him.”

“Oh…so good.” Eren moans loudly and my cock twitches at the sound. I wish I can be the first one to fuck him tonight, but I’m being considerate. “Levi…he’ll fuck you good. So good, so good…” he  chants continuously. Apparently Levi’s fingers are doing a good job stimulating his ass.

 _Well, two can play at that game_ , I think. I find myself searching Levi’s ass for that gland and I know I’ve located it when he jumps and shouts, “Fuck, Jean what the fuck did you just do to me?”

“What do you think?” I say with a laugh. I keep rubbing at that area while his back arches and a moan escapes his clenched teeth.

When I’ve worked my way up to three fingers, I position myself at Levi’s entrance and reach around him to grab a hold of his cock. “Wha…what the fuck do you think you…?” he babbles as I impale myself on him while forcing him to enter Eren.

“Levi!” Eren screams. I love the sound, and find myself wanting to hear it again.

I grab Levi’s hips and begin to pound into his tight, moist heat. Momentarily dazed, the Captain takes up my rhythm and starts to thrust in and out of Eren at the same time. Within moments, we’re fucking in perfect synchrony and it’s all I can do not to come immediately. I have to squeeze the base of my cock once to get it under control. As Eren’s moans intensify, I begin to pick up the speed of my thrusts so that I’m setting a punishing pace. Levi follows suit, and Eren is moaning so loudly I think everyone in the surrounding rooms must know what’s going on in here.

I want to spice things up a bit so I say, “Eren, tell us who’s fucking you.”

I can feel Levi’s hole twitching around me and I know he finds this particularly sexy.

“Le…Levi is fu…fucking me,” he pants.

“Say it louder,” I command.

“Levi is fucking me!” he shouts.

I think this must set Levi off because the Captain is the one moaning now as his hips stutter and his asshole clenches around my cock. I’m guessing he just came, so I allow myself to let loose inside his ass as well. I feel like it’s been a year since I last came; I think a gallon of cum must end up inside his ass. My theory appears correct as I withdraw and what seems like a river of white liquid slides down his thigh. “Oh, wow,” is all I can get out before Eren is practically attacking me with kisses. 

“That was so fucking hot,” he says in between kisses. “I hope you can get it up soon because you’re fucking me next.”

“Oh, I thought we could do it at the same time,” I say with grin.

“What?” Levi has run off to clean himself up and returned with a towel for us to wipe ourselves off with. Of course the clean freak can’t be expected to share Eren’s cum fetish. 

“I mean, we’ll fuck him at the same time,” I explain to Levi. 

“Two dicks cannot fit in one hole,” Eren says with a scared look on his face.

I draw him in for a deep kiss that makes him moan into my mouth. I pull back and reply, “Who said so?”

“Well…that might work for tiny dicks but your dicks are big!” he protests.

“Don’t whine, Eren,” Levi says, and he smacks Eren’s ass. I find the sound oddly erotic. “Nobody likes a whiner.” He looks at me with a challenge in his eye and adds, “If you think we can do it I don’t see why we can’t at least _try_.”

“You two are fucking crazy,” Eren says in a huff, and throws himself at me.

I hug him and search around on the bed for the lubricant. Once I find it I unstopper it and pour it directly on Eren’s ass. I start to stretch him with three fingers, since he’s already loose, and he moans and nuzzles into my chest. I look up and find Levi staring at where my fingers are entering Eren. “Here, you help me too. Put another finger in him,” I tell him.

Levi doesn’t protest, which I find a little odd but I don’t say anything. Instead he takes the oil and lubricates a finger, then enters right beside my own. The feeling of having another person’s finger beside mine in Eren’s ass makes my cock start to harden again and Eren giggles. He says in a singsong voice, “Somebody likes the Captain,” and I nearly kick him from embarrassment. Instead I tell Levi to add another finger and Eren makes a satisfying whimper. 

He moans, “It burns,” and I just chuckle. I feel a little evil right now.

At this point he has five fingers in his ass, and I figure if he can take six he’ll be able to fit both of us with little effort. So after several minutes of stretching I say to Levi, “One more,” and he looks at me with an eyebrow raised.

“Are you sure he can take it?”

“I’m sure.”

Just to be careful, he adds more oil to Eren’s ass and then inserts the sixth and final finger. Eren is sweating now and constantly moaning, rubbing his dick up against my chest in search of friction. “What does it feel like, Eren?” I ask him.

“Ahh…it feels like…heaven,” he answers in a whisper.

“Okay, then I think it’s about time you got the real thing.” I withdraw my fingers and he whimpers. Levi takes his out as well, and I admire the reddened skin of Eren’s loosened asshole for a little while. “You’re so beautiful, Eren,” I say honestly. Then I raise him up and position him so that he’s kneeling above my cock. I lay down on the bed and tell him, “Sit down, Eren.”

He sits on my cock and a wonderful sensation of pleasure shoots from my groin to my spine up to my neck. “Now ride it, you little slut,” I order with a smile.

“Ah, yeah, I’m your fucking slut,” he replies, and obeys my command. I love to watch his dick slap against his abdomen as he rides me.

“Levi, now it’s your turn,” I say. 

I don’t have to give him any more instructions; he comes up behind Eren without a word, slowly and carefully insinuating his cock in Eren’s loosened hole alongside my own. The feeling of having his dick smashed against my own is indescribable. My eyes roll back in my head and my back arches against the bed. I can’t help it, my hips slam into Eren’s ass and he screams, I don’t know if it’s with pleasure or pain. Levi seems to naturally follow my rhythm as I pump in and out of Eren forcefully enough that I have to sit up halfway and brace my arms against the bed. Eren, for his part has started sobbing but is still energetically bouncing up and down our cocks, thighs bunched and body dripping in sweat from the exertion. The room fills with the obscene sound of skin slapping against skin.

“Faster,” I say to Eren, and he looks at me as if I’m crazy.

“I can’t,” he cries out.

“Yes you can, you pussy. Now I told you to fuck yourself on our cocks faster and I meant it,” I say, slamming extra hard into to ass for emphasis.

“Ah!” he screams, but he tries to speed up his bouncing and soon he’s settled into an extremely fast pace that makes it difficult for Levi and I to keep up with him. 

He’s also already learned a little trick of squeezing his asshole around us as he rises and opening it as he falls, as if he’s trying to milk our dicks with his hole. The feeling is enough to push me to the brink of orgasm.

“Fuck! Eren, I’m gonna…” I cry out.

He smiles at me and squeezes his ass around me harder. “Go on, pump your cum inside me,” he says with a grin.

His words send me over the edge; I come so hard that my ears ring, my toes tingle and I become lightheaded. I feel an answering burst of cum shooting out of Levi, and the pulsating squeeze of Eren's asshole around my now sensitive dick. I'm dimly aware of his cum landing on my face and chest.  When I become aware of my surroundings again, Levi is gone again (most likely in the bathroom) and Eren is still kneeling atop me in a slumped position. Cum is slowly leaking out from his asshole, down my ass and onto the bedspread and I think to myself, _Levi is not going to appreciate that._ Just as I thought, I hear a string of curses as Levi returns. 

“Fucking filthy brats,” he mutters under his breath, and puts a towel under my ass to soak up the mess. He wipes me down with another towel and I groan in wordless thanks.

“But that’s why you love us,” Eren says wearily.

“Hey honey, are you okay?” I ask him. I pull him down so that he’s laying on my chest, my dick still lodged firmly in his ass. It feels good to slowly soften inside him. I start to rub his back up and down in an effort to make him feel better. I feel like I’ve been a little harsh on him this time, as if my wilder, more sexually adventurous side has taken over and hurt him in the process.

“I’m fine, just tired. It’s hard work, trying to please you two,” he replies.

I’m surprised when I feel Levi lay down beside me and put an arm around both of us. “That was…nice,” he says softly. I have a feeling there’s more he wants to say, so I stay silent. “Um…did you like it, Eren?”

Eren giggles and replies, “Yeah. I liked it a too much, probably. You guys spoiled me so much, I’ll probably never be able to just have sex with one person again.”

“That’s the idea,” I say, and roll over so that he’s sandwiched between me and Levi. My dick starts to slowly slip out of him and he whimpers like he’s about to cry.

“My ass…Jean, I need your cock inside me,” he pleads, and I look over at Levi, who rolls his eyes at me. 

“I can’t get it up for at least five minutes,” Levi says irritably.

“Sorry, Eren, you’ll have to wait a little bit,” I add ruefully. 

“But I don’t wanna wait!” Eren whines.

“Shut up, slut,” Levi says, and slaps Eren’s ass with a resounding smack. 

What no one anticipates is the distinct moan of pleasure that Eren makes. Levi looks at me for help, just as taken aback as I am. “Do it again,” I tell him slowly. 

This time when he slaps Eren’s ass, Eren moans loud enough to wake up anyone in the next room. I roll him over so that his ass faces us, and I begin spanking him without thought to how how loud his moans keep getting. He begins to grind against the bed in an effort to get some friction against his cock, but I warn him not to do that or else we won’t spank him. So he stops, laying suddenly very still and silent as both Levi and I smack his ass until both cheeks are bright right. 

Then his eyes close for a moment and he says, “Levi! Jean! I’m…” His ass jerks back against us and I can tell he’s come undone.

I catch Levi grinning at me and I smile back at him, startled at his levity. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him grin before. “You ready for round two, Kirstein?”

“I said to fucking call me Jean, Levi,” and I kiss him on the lips. When I draw back he looks a little flustered but not unhappy. “Yeah, I’m ready for round two.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Grisha quote was taken from the scanlated version of Shingeki no Kyojin on mangago.me in Chapter 85.  
> The Whitman quote was taken from http://www.bartleby.com/39/45.html.


	8. Predestination

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Beware how you trifle with your marvelous inheritance, this great land of ordered liberty, for if we stumble and fall, freedom and civilization everywhere will go down in ruin.” - Henry Cabot Lodge, in a speech given to the League of Nations, 12 August 1919
> 
> …And here is where the story diverges from canon. Gimme a break, I had nothing to go on! lolz

The soundtrack songs for this chapter are Stay by Zedd, Alessia Cara

Listen on [Spotify](https://open.spotify.com/track/6uBhi9gBXWjanegOb2Phh0), [iTunes](http://smarturl.it/stay.it), [YouTube](https://youtu.be/h--P8HzYZ74)

and BLK CLD by XYLØ

Listen on [Spotify](https://open.spotify.com/track/3k6BkFw0vPLgqy9uxIgHmm), [iTunes](http://smarturl.it/XYLO_AmericaEP_AM), [YouTube](https://youtu.be/Pi6XtLcIVbg)

* * *

“So…what do you know about the honor of inheriting one of the nine?” - Reiner Braun to Falco Glais, Shingeki no Kyojin (Chapter 93)

———

Levi

 

“You have to be fucking kidding me,” I mumble under my breath to Eren, who’s rubbing the stiff muscles of my shoulders. The massage is doing something funny to my head, and I’m not as angry as I know I should be. “Children? You want to have children? Are you crazy?” I don’t even bother to think how it will sound, or if it will hurt his feelings when I add, “You know you’re dying in like seven years anyway so you’d be dumping the kids off on Jean and I to take care of after you’re gone. Besides, as a member of the Survey Corps you’re hardly at home, and don’t exactly have time to raise children. Do you think Historia would even let you have one of her precious orphans?”

We’d been ordered back to Trost, where we set up a semi-permanent base of operations for Titan killing expeditions. The Garrison and Survey Corps had joined forces to build a giant hammer to squish Titans with, and that killed plenty, but there had still been some between Trost and Wall Maria to take care of. It had only taken a couple months for us to kill off the rest of the rogue “pure” Titans, and by the time spring had rolled around, they were building a road to Shiganshina. Settlement of Shiganshina was already well under way after a year. Tomorrow we’d be taking the new road to scout what lies beyond Wall Maria, including the coastline and, according to Armin’s predictions, get a view of the ocean.

We still haven’t made sure the land beyond Wall Maria is safe and Eren is already talking about children? Not to mention, we’ve only been sort of dating for the past few months, ever since that night we spent together after the memorial service.  It seems a bit soon to be talking about starting a family. I have to admit I enjoy being around the two of them, and I’ve grown to like Jean’s company (for some odd reason). I can see us staying together for a while, if not on a permanent basis. Unlike with women, there is little bickering over small things and disputes are settled without emotional outbursts (something I’ve experienced in relationships with women before). The sex is spectacular, and our romantic status has long been known around the Corps and thus, other branches of the military because of Eren’s loud moans. No matter what we do we just can’t seem to muffle his cries at all. The thought makes me smile. 

Regardless of that, children are out of the question. The fact is, I don’t know how to be a father, having never had one myself. I don’t know how to tell this to Eren and Jean without sounding like an asshole. So I just flat out refuse. “No,” I bark at him. “That’s the end of it, I don’t want to hear any more about it.”

“Well, Jean isn’t opposed to it. If you don’t want to, then I can just start a family with him,” Eren says spitefully.

“Fuck, you’re such a little manipulative shithead sometimes, you know that?” I sigh and cover my face with my hands. He’s stopped massaging me, and I distinctly feel the loss of his hands on my skin. To lose both Eren and Jean… and then to later see them being all happy and shit with a child would probably break me. “Whatever, okay, fine you win!” I shout at him angrily. “But I want a baby, not a toddler or kid or anything,” I add, turning around to face him.

He’s grinning like the absolute fool he is and lifts me off my feet in a crushing hug. I just go along with it; there’s no use messing with his fun at this point. “You won’t regret this, Levi, I swear you won’t regret it.”

“So, I think the first step is to send a letter to Historia,” I say, somehow caught up in his enthusiasm. “What are we going to do for a name anyways?”

“What? Oh, well if its a girl, she’ll be Carla and if it’s a boy he’ll be either Grisha or Armin,” he replies, as if the answer should be obvious.

“Do we get any say in this?” asks a voice from the door, which has just opened and closed. Jean is leaning against it with his arms folded, looking bemused. “When I said we should have kids, I meant that we should wait a bit, like a couple years down the road, after the war is over.” Because we all know a war is coming.

Eren sets me back down on the floor finally and I’m extremely grateful. “But we have no idea when the war will start or end,” he argues. “If I have only a few years left to live, I want to see my children grow as much as I can. I want them to remember me after I’m gone.”

Jean and I glance at each other and share a look that says, _There’s no arguing with him on this one._

I know when to pick my battles, so I pull Eren’s head down in order to kiss his forehead. “Carla, Grisha, whatever, it doesn’t matter to me, as long as you’re happy,” I say.

I give Jean a knowing look and pull my shirt back on. _Historia will probably say no_ , I think to myself. I find that this actually makes me feel… sad. Strange, the idea is so new to me and yet I’ve already gotten attached to it. Being a father, is it possible?

The next day, we’re off for Shiganshina at dawn with little fanfare. The locals aren’t so excited to see Survey Corps members leave on our expeditions, since we’ve been around for a while and are no longer such a novelty. Now that there are no Titans nearby to kill, some say there is no need for us to exist at all. They, of course, are not worried about the imminent Marley threat.

It takes us all day to reach Shiganshina, and when we arrive at the the town gate the sun is just going down. We’re let in by members of the Garrison and escorted to the new Survey Corps outpost, a modest brick building newly made within the past few months. It’s filled with supplies meant to support a constant presence on the coast and at Shiganshina, with the intent of monitoring the ocean for Marley warships. So far we’ve recruited plenty of soldiers to man the place, but they’re still being trained at the moment. It’s ironic to me that Floch himself is taking an active role in training the new recruits.

There’s enough room in our headquarters for each of us to have our own room, but of course Jean and Eren want to share. Our relationship is common knowledge among the Corps, but still it makes me uncomfortable to see the two pushing together two beds so that we can all sleep comfortably together. I mean, can they be any more obvious?

Eren catches me watching him and grins mischievously. “Sorry, Captain, but we’re staying with you tonight. Will that be a problem?”

I have to chuckle. “No, there’s no problem for me,” I reply. “But I hope you’re ready to get pregnant tonight because I’m gonna come so many times in your ass it’s gonna turn into a pussy.”

Eren turns bright red and Jean bursts out laughing. I hear muffled laughter from the hallway. “Oi, Hange if that’s you I fucking swear I’m gonna hang you!” I shout. I stalk to the door and swing it wide open, only to find Connie and Sasha huddled together, bent over and shaking in laughter. “What are you two brats doing here? If you need lube I’m not giving you mine.”

That doesn’t help — they just laugh louder. I sigh and roll my eyes. How can I get rid of them? Oh, right… “Hey you, Potato Girl. I authorize you and your boyfriend here to have access to my wine for tonight. But just one bottle, now, and I’ve counted them so don’t think I won’t know if you drink more than that. So get going, otherwise I’ll think of doing something you won’t enjoy…”

That makes them stand up and run in the direction of the kitchen quickly.

I slam the door closed and find that Eren and Jean are already undressing each other. The two are always one step away from fucking each other’s brains out, it seems. Sometimes I feel like in their insatiable lust they leave me behind, as if we exist in two different worlds. But that just makes me want to be a part of their lives that much more. It also makes me feel a little desperate and just plain old.

I start to strip silently as I watch Jean begin to lick and suck Eren’s little pink asshole. It always seems unnaturally small and tight to me, and requires a great deal of patience to stretch, no matter how much sex we have. And we have quite a bit of sex — in the morning, sometimes after lunch, after dinner and before bed, sometimes while we’re supposed to be asleep. For instance, I once woke up halfway through the night to find Jean’s cock thrusting in and out of my ass. That earned him a well placed punch. People wondered why he walked around with a black eye for a few weeks.

Eren moans and pushes his ass into Jean’s face. “Fuck me with your tongue, Jean,” he orders in a growl.

I sit on the bed, now naked, so I can better watch Jean’s tongue enter and exit the tight hole. I like to watch Jean’s fingers dig into Eren’s ass to pry the cheeks apart, exposing the hole for a better view. I want to fuck something _right now_ , so I casually massage the outer rim of Jean’s asshole with my fingertip. Just touching it is enough for the moment; I want to excite him, get him on edge before going any further. I’m rewarded by a low, guttural moan from Jean. I chuckle and continue my teasing for several minutes, then get up to find the lube. I brought a large bottle of it with us on the expedition because hey, we’ll probably have sex whether or not we sleep in bedrooms or tents and we might as well enjoy it.

I find it in my bag and unstopper it, then slather some on Jean’s asshole. He needs less prep than Eren, but after that first time traumatizing Eren I’ve been careful with them. Jean seems to appreciate the attention as my oiled finger enters him slowly; his back arches and he moans into Eren’s ass. I focus on finding his spot, that one area that drives him insane, and it isn’t long before he starts trembling all over and begins to frantically tongue-fuck Eren like he’s a man dying of thirst and Eren’s ass is a water fountain. I can hear Eren’s moans climbing in volume, and this turns me on so much that I can’t wait any longer. I’ve only gotten up to two fingers, but I figure Jean can take it.

I place the lube beside his hand so that he can reach it if he wants it, and then decide I can tease him a little more before fucking him. I take my dick and rub his cleft and entrance with the tip, then drop it lower and massage his balls for a few moments. He moans and angles his hips so that I have better access to his hole. After a minute or two he raises his head and glares back at me. “For fuckssake, Levi, just fuck me already!”

“Jean Kirstein, are you actually pouting?” I ask with a laugh. “Don’t worry, it’s still sexy,” I reassure him after his glare intensifies.

I line my cock up with his entrance and enter him at an excruciatingly slow pace, stopping to let him adjust to me every couple of seconds. Finally he gives up and reaches behind to pull me forward while pushing his ass backward, impaling himself on me.

He glares at me again and says, panting, “I couldn’t fucking wait, you dickhead. Now will you just fuck the shit out of me? Fuck me until I scream and beg you to stop.”

Eren giggles and rolls over, then raises his legs and spreads them apart in an open invitation to be fucked. “Fuck him until he screams your name, Levi,” he says suggestively.

Jean looks back at Eren and replies, “Oi, little bitch, shut up. Sluts like you should only use their mouths for servicing my dick. Now suck it and show us what a horny little slut you are.”

Eren for some reason doesn’t look angry at this. Instead, he’s turned on, his dick rock hard and leaking precum. While he raises himself to his knees so he can suck on Jean’s cock, I grab hold of Jean’s hips and begin to ever so slowly pump in and out of him, teasing him as much as possible. I aim to hit his spot, and know I’ve found it when he flinches and arches back against me. I try to rub against it with every thrust. Over Jean’s shoulder, I can see Eren dutifully sucking hard on Jean’s cock, and I wonder how long he can last like this. Just as I think this, Jean yanks on Eren’s hair to make him stop.

“No more,” he gasps.

Eren and I both chuckle. I ram hard into Jean and he involuntarily pushes his hips back into mine in an effort to get more of my dick inside him. After I kiss a line down his sweaty neck, I nibble gently on his earlobe. I watch as Eren again positions himself to be fucked, but this time his ass is in the air and he’s spreading his own hole with his two hands. 

“Stick your fucking cock in that hole, Jean,” he orders in a throaty growl. Both Jean and I groan at the sight of the wet, reddened asshole clenching open and closed in anticipation of being filled by Jean. Eren sticks two fingers inside his ass and spreads his hole wide. I can see into his channel and the sight is so erotic that it makes me begin to fuck Jean unmercifully hard and fast. 

“Fuck him, you shitty brat, or _I’m_ going to,” I hiss in his ear.

“O…okay,” Jean says, trembling. He reaches with shaking fingers to get the lube and pours some directly on Eren’s waiting asshole. 

I almost stop breathing as I watch Jean’s long, thick cock penetrate Eren’s tight hole. I slow my pace down so that we can synchronize our thrusts. Finally, we’re moving forward and backward in a familiar rhythm.

Eren looks back at Jean and frowns. “You can do it harder, you know.”

“I know, I just wanted to be gentle for a change.”

“Oh.” Eren considers this for a moment and says, “But I want you to fuck me hard into the mattress so that everyone in the building can tell who’s fucking me.”

This seems to rile Jean up, who leans forward at just the right angle to hit Eren’s good spot, and proceeds to assault his ass as hard as he’s capable of. It’s difficult for me to keep up with Jean’s strength, and even though I’m known as Humanity’s Strongest, in bed Jean is probably a bit on the wilder side than I am. My orgasm hits me hard and fast, before the other two are done, so as I pull out Jean is still fucking and dripping on the bed at the same time. The sight is both erotic and disgusting. Half of me wants to call a halt so I can clean him up, and half of me wants it to continue so I can watch my cum dribbling down his thigh.

In order to amuse myself I squeeze under Eren and start to toy with his nipples. I love his reaction. His little girlish squeals make me chuckle as I bite and tease his nipples to a bright red hue. While I’m sucking, I take both hands and begin to pump his cock, making a twisting movement at the top and brushing my thumb over the crown to spread the precum. His moans intensify and I find myself beginning to get hard again at the sound.

Then Jean speeds up his tempo, so I match the pace with my hands and bite down not too gently on Eren’s nipple. He screams my name and comes messily in my hands. It’s all over my chest and getting slathered over his as well as he drops down wearily to rest against me. A few seconds later Jean curses and I think that must mean he’s come as well. He lays down on Eren and I’m squished into the mattress so that I can barely breathe.

“Um, guys,” I say with effort. “Can’t…breathe.”

“Oh, right, sorry Levi,” they both mumble, and roll off me to the side. I immediately leave to jerk off and wash up in the attached bathroom. There’s no way I’m lying in a puddle of cum like those two louts. In the bathroom I wash and rinse off thoroughly and rub myself dry with a clean towel, then moisten it and return to wipe the filthy brats off. If I don’t, they will just let it dry on themselves and make the whole place sticky with cum. 

“Filthy children,” I mutter, then kiss both of them on the lips briefly before retreating to the bathroom again. I gather their clothes and throw them in the laundry basket, since of course they didn’t bother to do that when they were stripping earlier. Then I drag both off the bed while they complain loudly that I’m evil and cruel.

“Oh, shut the fuck up and get under the covers, you idiots,” I say as I arrange the blankets so that we can all share them. I fluff the pillows and Eren laughs behind me. I can just barely anticipate it but I do know it’s coming when I feel him playfully smack my naked ass.

“It was asking me to slap it,” he says by way of explanation, then places a kiss on the location where he smacked it.

“Oi, we’re not all sick perverts like you, Eren,” Jean says, and picks him up unceremoniously. Then Jean tosses him on the bed beside me and crawls in next to Eren. Eren, for his part, has no shame and cuddles up as close as he can to me so that we’re spooning. I, of course, am the little spoon and his arm is flung around my waist. His feet start to stroke my calves and I shiver involuntarily.

When I feel his dick poking me from behind I say, “This is fucking ridiculous. Again?”

“Just once more before bed and then we’ll go to sleep. I promise, Levi,” he replies with a giggle.

“I’m down with that,” Jean adds unnecessarily. 

It looks like I’m in for a long night.

* * *

 

Eren

 

We’re riding on horseback out of Shiganshina south towards the coast when we come upon it — a massive Titan pushing itself north towards the wall. Its body and head are disproportionately large compared to its legs and arms, so it’s laying on its belly and burrowing very, very slowly with its nose stuck in the soil. As we near it, it blinks at us in curiosity. It probably doesn’t see humans very often, if ever, around here.

Mikasa hops off her horse nimbly and mounts the Titan to slice through its nape. Her blade cuts through its skin as easily as a knife slides through butter, and steaming Titan blood sprays in all directions. She leaps back before she can get dirty, however. I haven’t kept track of how many kills Mikasa has on record, but I know it’s a hell of a lot more than I have, at least in human form. She wipes her blade on a cloth, sheathes it and remounts without a word.

We continue on to the coast, and pass through mostly grassland interspersed with small copses of oak trees. We’ve long passed the last of the oaks by the time we reach the sand dunes. The dunes are massive, taking up entire hillsides and covering the north face of the coastline with swaying grasses, wild strawberries and other berries we don’t recognize. We have to dismount to lead the horses because the ground is so uneven.

At the very top of the dunes it becomes just shifting sand, and a high wall appears on our right side. “This must be where they turn Eldians into Titans,” I say. “And, over there is…”

At last we’ve reached the ocean. We’re standing atop a cliffside that drops down abruptly, so we can’t see the ocean more closely from this vantage point. But what we do see astounds us. Armin’s book was actually right. The ocean surrounds us for countless miles, stretching so far out to the horizon that we can’t tell where it ends. In the afternoon sun it shimmers like millions upon millions of diamonds gathered together, and it seems more precious to me than all the jewelry in the world.

We follow the cliffside southwest until it turns into a rocky path that parallels a narrow stream to its outlet at a sandy beach. We let our horses graze while some of us take off our shoes and step into the freezing ocean water. It’s a strange sensation, feeling the waves suck at the soles of my feet. Armin finds a shell that he tucks into his pants pocket after shaking it dry. Jean, the idiot, tries to drink ocean water and finds out that it really is salty. Hange, despite her high intelligence, wonders aloud if all of it is actually saltwater. But funniest of all, Levi thinks the water might be poisonous and doesn’t dare put his bare feet in it. I try to convince him that it’s fine, and that he’s really missing out, but he refuses to join the rest of us. Connie, Sasha and Jean start playing in the water like they’re children while Armin, Mikasa and I think back on our childhood conception of the ocean.

“On the other side of the wall, is the ocean,” I say contemplatively. “And on the other side of the ocean is freedom. We believed that for so long…but it’s not true. What’s waiting for us on the other side of the ocean is the enemy. Everything is as I saw it in my father’s memories. Right? So if we kill the enemy, the one waiting for us on the other side, will we finally be free?”

“Eren, let’s just assume that so far your memories _have_ predicted what will happen in your life. If that’s so, then how do we proceed given the information in your head and Grisha’s books?” Armin asks me. “We should continue exactly as we’re doing, patrolling the coast for Marley warships, and scouting the land between the coast and Wall Maria for Titans or other enemies. We should prepare anti-Titan weapons and strategies, as well as anti-aircraft tactics and work towards becoming capable of flight ourselves. At one time there was a couple who discovered a way to fly using gas, and I think there’s potential there, but there should also be other methods we can think of. What I’m saying is, the coming war will be fought with technology and effective strategies against stronger and maybe faster Titans.” He sighs and returns to searching for more shells at his feet. “Also, we need to research the serum so we can pass on our Titans to Eldians in Paradis. We can’t leave the inheritance of so much power up to fate.”

“I think I know what it’s made up of,” I blurt out, although honestly this is just a gut instinct I have and not based on any information from the books or even memories.

This catches the attention of all those around me, including Commander Hange and Levi. “Well, spit it out, Eren,” Hange says to me impatiently. “Tell us your idea. I haven’t the faintest clue, and like Armin said, this is of vital importance to the security of all of Paradis.”

“I’m pretty sure…I’m pretty sure it’s spinal fluid. The spinal fluid of Titan shifters,” I explain. “So if you take a syringe and stick it in my back in just the right place, and extract a sufficient amount of my spinal fluid, then inject it into my inheritor, he or she will turn into a Titan and then can eat me and continue on the line of the Attack Titan and the Founding Titan.” I turn to Armin and add, “And likewise for you, Armin.”

“Then what we need is experimentation! And more experimentation!” Hange crows in excitement. “This is the best idea you’ve ever had, Eren! I’d have never thought of it myself! We must try it when we get back to Shiganshina. I have medical and research equipment there that we can use…” she continues to babble on about her experiment until Levi cuts her off curtly.

“Hange, what happens when they turn into a Titan?” he asks. “We won’t want them to eat Eren until he’s about to die of natural causes.”

“Oh, we’ll subdue the Titan and cut the human out of its neck,” the Commander explains as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world. 

“Right…” Levi looks decidedly unimpressed.

“Look, no one said it’s even going to work,” I reassure him. “I just want to try and see. I…I know we haven’t discussed this yet, Levi, but I want our child to eat me.”

This time it’s Mikasa who is floored. “WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY?” she screams, half in anger and half in joy at the prospect of being an aunt. “Number one: you’re having a baby and you didn’t even fucking tell me? Number two: how dare you decide the manner of your death without my input? Who says you can just declare that someone is going to eat you when there might be some alternate solution to the Curse of Ymir? I mean, we have Armin! He’ll think of something, right, Armin?”

She looks to him for support and he’s at a loss for words, shrugging uncomfortably. She harrumphs loudly and splashes him with seawater. “So much for being intelligent, you can’t even back me up when I need it the most,” she says spitefully.

She never acts so childishly so I know this must be very difficult for her, both the idea of me dying and the thought of me starting a family with my boyfriends. I reach out to Armin and give him a hug from behind. “I believe you’re the smartest man in all of Paradis,” I whisper to him, and I get the distinct pleasure of seeing his face glow red in embarrassment. I catch Levi glaring at me and release Armin quickly.

“I hate to break it to everyone, but Historia may not even agree to let us adopt one of her orphans,” Levi says to Mikasa, but I know he’s also aiming the response at me as well.

Armin turns to me and puts his hands on my shoulders, as if to support me when he knows I probably feel pretty shitty after Levi’s careless comment. “Let’s try your experiment when we get back, then, Eren,” he tells me.

I nod at Armin and try to smile as if Levi’s words haven’t made me feel sad, but they have, and I kind of want to punch him in the face. Why did he have to be such an asshole right at a time when we're all feeling hopeful?

We spend a cold night camped at the beach and continue on to explore the entire coastline of Paradis. Several weeks later, we return to Shiganshina and as the Commander and Levi are writing up our report, I send off a letter to Historia.

Within a week, a carriage rolls up outside of our headquarters with the Queen inside of it. I can’t believe she’s decided to come and visit us in person! Is this a good sign?

She alights from the carriage, while a crowd gathers around us. Here in Shiganshina we have yet to get carriages to transport people like in the capitol, and people generally walk or ride their horse to get around, so this is an unusual sight. “Eren!” Historia calls out to me, and runs headlong to throw herself in my arms. “I got your letter,” she says into my chest. “I need to talk to you about a proposition I have.”

A proposition? I wonder what scheme she has cooked up for me. “Sure, come inside,” I reply, and take her hand to pull her through the crowd and into the building.

“We’ll need to be alone for this, Eren,” she whispers conspiratorially to me.

“Oh…I see.” I glance at her and she is grinning at me mischievously. I haven’t seen her look this happy since she was hanging out with Ymir. I wonder what produced this reaction? I bring her up to the bedroom I share with Levi and Jean and indicate she sit on the bed beside me.

“Eren, I got your letter,” she says quickly. “I thought about it, and I wanted to offer you an alternative to adoption that I think would be better considering who you are.” She takes my hand and looks at me seriously. “Eren, let me have your child.”

“Wha…what?” I ask, flabbergasted at this new unforeseen development. True, I had a crush on her previously but this was just…so far fetched a conclusion to my daydreams that I think maybe I’ve heard her wrong. “Can you repeat what you just said?”

“Eren, I want to have your child,” she repeats firmly. “Hear me out on this. I think it’s the best option because I’m of royal blood. If what you want is to have a child who can inherit your Titan, isn’t it best to have one with royal blood? That way our child will be able to control the Coordinate.”

She does have a point. The idea is starting to make sense to me. But I’m not the only person who will be affected by this decision. “Historia, you know who I’m dating though, right?” 

“Yes, of course, I’m not an idiot, Eren. It doesn’t bother me.”

“But they would want to raise the child, not have the child raised in the royal household,” I explain.

“Oh, I see…well that’s fine with me. We should have more than one child together, after all,” she says with a giggle.

“Why? Why would you want to have children with me?” I ask, puzzled.

“Because you’re so damn cute and because I’d planned on taking you for myself if those two hadn’t interfered before I could get to you,” she says with a pout. 

Well, this is a revelation I could have used last year. It's pretty useless now, though. “That’s so sweet of you to say,” I reply with an uncomfortable chuckle. “But I’m…pretty much taken.” I see her head fall a little bit in defeat and I add quickly, “Granted, if you’d made a move last year you’d have found someone that was already in love with you.”

“What!?” she exclaims incredulously.

“Yeah, I had a crush on you,” I admit. “But I told myself you’d never see me that way…”

“Oh Eren, I wish you’d said something…” she starts crying and flings herself at me. She hugs me and sobs into my shirt. “Let’s me have your babies, at least give me that.”

I stroke her hair in an attempt to calm her down and say, “My answer is yes but I need to ask Levi and Jean.”

She jumps up and takes me by the hand. “Let’s find them right now and ask them!”

I’m drawn into her enthusiasm and follow her down to the common room, where we find Connie and Sasha discussing the merits of baked versus fried potatoes. “Do you two know where the Captain and Jean are?” Historia asks.

They turn to us and blink owlishly at Historia. “When did you get here?” Sasha replies with a squeal. “I think they’re working on hand to hand combat in the central courtyard. We were just about to join them,” she adds sheepishly.

“Thanks, Sasha,” Historia says, smiling her best radiant smile. I’m momentarily entranced. _Our child would definitely be beautiful_ , I think to myself.

I show Historia out to the open courtyard in the center of the building and we find that the two are in fact busy wrestling. Levi is, of course, winning handily but Jean is putting up a good fight. When there is a pause in the action, I walk forward and say, “We have a guest that wants to speak with you two.”

“Well tell them to fuck off, we’re busy,” Levi says irritably.

“It’s your Queen,” I add.

“Oh.” He looks up and blanches when he sees Historia standing right in front of him. “My apologies, Historia.”

“It’s fine, Captain,” she says smoothly. “But there’s a way you can make it up to me that I’d like to discuss.”

He looks at me with suspicion and stands up, then pulls Jean to his feet. “Let’s go and talk in the conference room, then.”

We follow him and when we reach our destination, he lets Historia take the chair that the Commander usually sits in. We flank her on opposite sides; I sit right next to Historia. 

“So, enlighten me with your request,” he says sarcastically to her. I kick him under the table. I can tell he’s jealous; he knows about my previous crush on her.

“That’s hardly any way to address your Queen,” she replies with a frown.

He sighs and bows his head. “Forgive me, but as you can tell I have suspicions about your motives in asking to speak with all three of us. If you’re going to tell us to stop dating, my answer is no.”

She bursts into bright, tinkling laughter that echoes across the tense room. “Of course not, I’d never dare do such a thing,” she says once she calms down enough to speak. “What I want to request from you is that you loan Eren to me for a little bit. I want to give you all a child, and I want to have the child with him.” It’s a little funny to see their jaws drop in astonishment. 

They look at me in surprise and I shrug. “This is new to me as well,” I confess.

“I want to have a child with Eren because our child would be able to control the Coordinate if he or she ate Eren as a Titan. That is, assuming we can reproduce the serum,” she explains.

Levi’s face hardens and Jean gulps. Neither of them like to think about the inevitable time when I will die and the need for me to be eaten by another Titan to let another person inherit the two of Nine Titans that dwell within me. 

“So? What do you say?” Historia asks hopefully. “I’ll let you three raise the child, on the condition Eren gives me a second child for my own.”

“And this has been approved by your Council?” Levi says skeptically.

“Yes,” she says with a nod.

“Then I don’t have any objection, as long as we get to raise the kid,” Levi replies.

“Are you serious?” Jean says to him, looking seriously pissed off. “You’re going to let him cheat on us with Historia that easily?”

“It’s not cheating on you, Jean!” I protest.

“It’s not exactly a sacrifice for you though, now is it?” he retorts.

“Believe me, Jean, I have no desire to break you guys up,” Historia interjects. “I’m thinking about the safety and security of our people. We need to secure Eren’s Titans as part of our defense, and that means either _I_ eat Eren or my _child_ eats Eren. Which one do you prefer? Unfortunately, there’s not a lot of choices we have available. I, personally, don’t want to go crazy and have a short life span so I’d rather have my child become a Titan. That’s probably a terrible thing to admit to, but it’s true. Also, I think I’m just not cut out for the ruthlessness of being a Titan. I don’t think I could handle it along with being your Queen. So will you forgive me for wanting my child to take on the responsibility of inheriting Eren’s power?”

“I won’t forgive you if you enjoy it,” Jean says, pouting, and turns his head away. “But…I’ll allow it if you let us raise the kid.”

“The Councillors will only allow me to do this if Eren gives me my own child to raise as the heir,” Historia says, as if we hadn’t heard her the first time.

“That’s okay, Historia, we understand,” I reply. I nod to Levi and Jean and add, “We’re in an unconventional relationship. We have to make sacrifices in order to create a family.”

“I wish it were easier for you,” she says. “But this is all I can offer.”

I’m surprised when I hear Levi reply, “We’re grateful for the offer, Historia. We truly are. Don’t listen to this little shit over here, he’s just as excited as I am to have our own baby. And…does this rule out the possibility of us adopting in the future?” 

I’m floored. He wants more than one child? I want to kiss him but he’s sitting across the table.

“No, you can definitely adopt, I just thought this was the best option for Eren.”

“Okay, well I personally would like to have Eren’s biological child in addition to some adopted kids down the line,” Levi says honestly.

Historia smiles sweetly at him. “Then that’s what we’ll try to make happen. I can’t promise anything, but that’s what we’ll aim for.”

* * *

Jean

 

The happiest day of my life occurs when Historia gives birth to our twins, Carla and Grisha. The babies are the most adorable creatures I’ve ever laid eyes on, cuter even than their father. I dote on them and frankly spoil the hell out of them, while Levi is somewhat more aloof and strict (although he has his affectionate moments as well). Eren turns out to be a doting father too, but he doesn’t spoil them as much as I do, and never puts up with their tantrums. He is the “let ‘em cry” type of parent, and will not hesitate to tackle me when I’m about to give in to their cries during the middle of the night.

We don’t hire a nanny to take care of the children when we’re on missions. Instead, we take them with us in packs that we strap to our backs. Later, as they grow older, they ride on horseback with us. This practice is somewhat frowned upon by Commander Hange, but since Eren declares he will quit the military if he doesn’t have the freedom to raise his children as he sees fit, she decides to loosely interpret Survey Corps regulations where our family is concerned.

It usually falls to me to shield the children from harm, since Eren and Levi practically consider me to be the mother. When Eren has to transform and crush Marley ships, I take the children aside and play games with them. Although I don’t get to take part in as many battles as I would like, I feel like it’s okay to be selfish and prioritize my family over the Corps. They are, after all, literally our future.

The twins see Eren transform for the first time when they are barely a few months old. We’ve been ordered to conduct another survey of the coast, this time as a land survey in order to build an outpost near the harbor where Marley ships previously came to create Titans from Eldian prisoners. Eren is ordered to transform so he can pull up several trees to make lumber for the outpost, since we will begin building immediately after our survey is complete. 

At first, the children cry when they see the massive giant in place of where their father stood. But after a while, they seem to get used to him and crow in delight when he twirls them around in a makeshift swing made out of a blanket. As they grow older, Eren lets them climb on his back and sit on his shoulder when he works on various construction and maintenance projects. But we never let them see him crush the battleships, which have been coming more and more frequently to investigate the Paradis coastline. They are still too young to ask about why there is an increasing amount of wreckage in the harbor near the outpost.

I have something of a tantrum of my own and refuse to let Historia separate the twins to raise one in the royal palace, which leads to her giving birth a year later to a third child, whom she names Erwin in honor of our fallen commander. Carla and Grisha are still just a year old, so they don’t understand what is going on when everyone across the nation holds a celebration in honor of the successful birth of an heir. Although a few people in the military and the Council know of the twins’ existence, the general populace are ignorant of the fact that Historia has a quasi-relationship with Eren and has actually given birth to not one but three children. No one knows who the father of little Erwin is, and they don’t particularly care because he is so cute and aren’t his dimples just adorable?

Carla inherits her father’s mousy brown hair and her mother’s big blue eyes, while Grisha has fine blond hair like his mother and his father’s (usually indignant) green eyes. Erwin, on the other hand, looks exactly like his mother and so it is quite difficult to tell who his father might be. The only thing he inherits from his father are occasional tantrums resulting from some freedom being taken away from him — he isn’t allowed to play with beggar children, he can’t go running around the capitol streets as he pleases and he is often locked up with a tutor, studying etiquette and boring things like that. The twins, on the other hand, do receive a formal education but it mostly consists of the basics: reading, writing, arithmetic and killing Titans. They don’t learn to play the piano or violin like Erwin, but they both excel in archery at a very young age thanks to Sasha. They don’t learn the finer aspects of governance, but they do learn how to hold a blade and slice into a Titan’s neck by the age of five. 

The latter is all thanks to Mikasa’s tutelage. She is a very involved aunt who sees their education and upbringing as one of her duties as Eren’s sister. She makes their lessons into games so that it’s fun to learn, and killing Titans is just another game to little Carla and Grisha. They do learn to distinguish bad Titans from good Titans, around the time they begin to learn about the history of Ymir’s people and the Marley. They don’t question the fact that we need to fight our enemies for our survival and eventual freedom. I find myself wishing that Erwin has as good instruction and a loving environment like our twins, but we signed a contract releasing control over the upbringing of Erwin when he was born.

When Carla and Grisha are two, we adopt a baby girl, who Levi names Petra. She is a blond and green-eyed beauty who bewitches all of her fathers and everyone in the squad. Even Floch becomes completely enamored with her. Her biological parents are unknown, since she was dropped off at the doorstep of the orphanage while just a few days old. She even looks similar to Grisha, so she doesn’t seem out of place in our family.

By the time the twins are four and Petra is two, Armin and Eren are required to have a constant presence at the coast outpost in order to monitor the sea for Marley warships. So far, they have crushed thirty-two ships in or near the harbor where they used to dock to turn Eldians into Titans. Ships are coming more frequently of late, and Commander Hange and Levi are concerned that a fleet will arrive one day with the Armored Titan and perhaps the Beast Titan or even other members of the Nine Titans we haven’t encountered before.

Their fears turn out to be well founded when one day, we sight a group of ships approaching from the southwest. Eren gives me a quick kiss before transforming; Armin just looks at me and I nod back. We’ve developed an escape plan in the event that an attack like this should occur and I don’t hesitate to follow it. The children all protest as I hustle to take them back to the outpost, and they kick and scream when I load them on a cart, hook it up to two horses and and haul them all the way back to Shiganshina. No way in hell are we going to let them die in an attack while they are this young. We need them back behind the safety of the walls.

They sob for nearly the whole trip, and by the time we reach Wall Maria they’ve cried themselves to sleep. It’s gotten dark and as I arrive at the lift I fumble while loading the cart and horses on it. When I reach HQ, I wearily bed the horses down for the night and shake the children awake.

“We’re home,” I say gently.

“Where’s Papa?” Carla cries. “I want Papa!” They call Eren “Papa,” Levi “Father,” and me “Daddy.” Go figure.

“Yeah, Daddy tell us where he is!” Grisha wails. Fresh tears fall and I do my best to calm them down.

“Papa is busy at work right now killing the enemies,” I explain, and they fall silent. This, they understand.

“Then why can’t we help him? We can kill Titans too!” Petra says proudly, wiping snot off with her sleeve.

“You might get hurt.”

“But we don’t mind, as long as we can help Papa and Aunty Mika!” Carla and Grisha say in a chorus. Sometimes, they say the same thing in unison; I suppose it’s a twin thing.

“This is what we’ve decided is best for everyone,” I insist and haul them each out of the cart. I take the twins’ grubby paws, instructing Petra to hold her sister’s hand, and pull them with me towards the kitchen so we can wash up and eat. Knowing which direction we’re headed, they eagerly follow me, since they’re probably just as hungry as I am.

In the kitchen, we find Commander Hange busy making dinner with a few soldiers who have recently enlisted, since I don’t recognize them. She looks over to us as we enter and runs forward, heedless of her hands dripping meat juices. “What’s wrong? Do you have something to report, Jean?”

“Enemy ships, at least fifteen of them, approached the harbor this morning just after dawn,” I reply. Everyone in the room stops what they’re doing and edges closer to listen to us. “Eren and Armin both transformed and the squad was getting ready for vertical maneuvering as I left. The battleships are armed, sir. More heavily than we’ve seen before. I’m going to leave the kids with the cadets and take off back to the coast tomorrow morning.”

She seems to consider this for a moment, and then replies, “I’ll join you.”

The fact that the Commander will be accompanying me just makes me believe even more that this is a pivotal moment in our war with the Marley. I nod and step back. “Come on, kids,” I tell them. “Let’s get you cleaned up so we can eat.” I hustle the three over to the sink to wash their sticky hands. No matter what I do, they always seem to get covered in some sort of mess. It’s a losing battle trying to keep them clean.

Tonight, Petra, Carla and Grisha sleep with me in my bed — which has been replaced with a king sized version rather than two twins shoved together. They’ve outgrown sleeping with us, but I honestly feel more at ease having them sleep with me tonight for some reason. Also, I’ve gotten used to sleeping with bodies next to mine so I feel lonely by myself.

In the morning, I say a tearful goodbye to the children and we ride to the outpost as fast as we can safely push our mounts. We take extra mounts so that we can switch horses halfway through; we’re able to ride faster that way. It’s only noon by the time we reach the outpost, and as we hurry to strap on our 3DMG, I wonder what the result of the battle is. Marley troops aren’t swarming the outpost, so I figure we must have won. We run over to the harbor and find only smoking battleships and a bloodied sea full of corpses. There are steaming Titan bodies disintegrating everywhere, and the remains of what look like bombs and other artillery littering the beach. I spot a mobile first aid station on the beach not too far away and run towards it. Nearly all of our squad is injured, although none of it looks fatal and their limbs are still mainly intact. 

I find Eren lying on the sandy shore, limbs regenerating in clouds of steam. As I drop down to sit next to him, he opens his eyes and says wearily, “There were so many of them. Like a sea of Titans, all swarming out of the ships at once. And there were aircraft too, just like my father said there would be…raining down Titans and artillery from the sky.”

I recall my nightmare from years ago and shiver at the similarity. “But you managed to survive,” I reply, and I discover that I’m crying as my tears drip down on his face. He blinks when my tears fall on him and I wipe the moisture away, since he doesn’t have hands right now to do it for himself. “How?”

“Just…being my badass self,” he replies with a forced laugh. “I stomped on their asses and crushed the ships as usual, but the real star of the show was Mikasa, of course. You won’t believe how many Titans she took down all on her own. It’s gotta be in the dozens. Her and Levi. He was crazy, that motherfucker. Took down the Armored Titan all by himself. It was a different person inside this time, someone inexperienced and young. It definitely wasn’t Reiner.”

So in the end, Reiner was eaten, not defeated by the Survey Corps. Well, that sucks. I had been looking forward to finally defeating him. “And the Beast Titan?” I ask.

“Zeke tried his best to kill me, and that pissed Mikasa off. Bad idea,” Eren says with a chuckle. “She ended up cutting him out of the Beast. He looked so old when he came out, it was strange. I have a feeling…I’ll look old too, when my time comes. But Levi…he was injured so badly, he was gonna die. So I made Sasha…I made Sasha use an injection on him. And he…he turned into a Titan and ate Zeke.” He says this hesitantly, as if he doesn’t want to admit to himself that it happened.

“This isn’t the end of the war, though,” Levi says from where he lays on a stretcher nearby. “Next time, they’ll just bring more ships and more Titans, more of those flying things.”

I nod and kiss Eren on the cheek. All I can think about is the fact that they survived. I don’t care if both my lovers are Titans now. “I’m so glad you’re alive,” I tell him honestly. I’m disappointed that I missed the battle, but happy that they are all alive and my children are safe. “So I guess I’m the last normal one left, huh? Did anyone eat the Armored Titan?”

“Uh…yeah. That would be Mikasa,” Eren says sheepishly. 

“You gotta be fuckin’ kidding me.”

“What, Jean, you think a woman isn’t strong enough to inherit the Armored Titan?” Mikasa interjects sharply from where she lies, completely exhausted and covered in steaming Titan blood. 

I raise my hands in surrender and shake my head vehemently. “Of course not, Mikasa, I would never dream of thinking such a thing.”

She snorts in disbelief and all I can do is roll my eyes (while she’s not looking, of course — I’m not an idiot). 

“Well, so far we have six of the Nine Titans — the Beast Titan, the Armored Titan, the Colossal Titan, the Attack Titan, the Founding Titan and Annie’s Female Titan,” Eren says. No one knew when or if Annie would wake up, but when she did we had a plan to inject one of our soldiers with Eren or Armin’s spinal fluid so that they could eat her. We’d conducted several experiments over the years with their spinal fluid, and every time a Titan was made. Each time it happened, I imagined them eating Eren and it made me extremely depressed.

For months after the Marley navy was defeated at the hands of the Survey Corps, there is no sign of another incursion. It seems they were stunned to have lost both the Beast and Armored Titans at once. In the mean time, Armin takes several of the Marley aircraft and is hard at work reproducing them in a factory hastily erected next to the coast outpost. There is a constant stream of materials being brought from within the walls for construction of replica aircraft. When he finally has one that he deems safe and ready to fly, I volunteer to pilot it. Eren and Levi are very much against it, but I am dying to get up there, soaring like the birds in the sky. Besides, they are both Titans, and they have that bond. I don’t have anything special about me, and I want to claim something, some talent, for myself. I want to be useful in some way, but they don’t understand that.

On my maiden flight, I’m scared shitless. I crash in about thirty seconds, break my leg, and suffer a mild concussion. Eren and Levi become more opposed to me flying. But I heal fairly quickly, and the moment the doctor says my bones have mended, I’m back up in the sky. The second time, I fly for a whole five minutes before crashing. This time, I make sure not to break any bones, and just ruin Armin’s beautiful creation, which I profusely apologize for. The third time, I stay up in the air for half an hour and land (relatively) smoothly. Every time I go up I get better and better, until I can stay up in the air as long as the fuel will allow.

So when the Marley return for a second attack, we are prepared. We have five strong Titans on our side fit for battle, several squads of Survey Corps, and with me as a pilot we take down some of their aircraft. However, my aircraft is shot down and we crash headlong into the ocean. My limbs are broken, while something punctures my side and fractures my ribs. The last thing I remember, seawater is filling the aircraft and we are slowly sinking.

I am later told that Eren saved me by picking my aircraft out of the water and fishing me out of the cockpit. But I was bleeding profusely from head and stomach wounds, so Eren and Levi fought over whether or not they would turn me into a Titan, since they’d caught another of the Nine Titans. I was delirious and felt like I was about to die, and begged them to turn me into a Titan, because I didn’t want to leave my family. So they injected me with Eren’s spinal fluid and turned me into a monster. I was suddenly ravenous for human flesh and devoured a man who had emerged from a strange looking Titan with a weird serrated mouth. I didn’t care if my Titan wasn’t handsome. All I knew was that I was still alive, and I’d be able to return to Shiganshina to kiss my children goodnight.

The Marley return to fight us three more times, and each time we defeat them and take one of the Nine Titans. I try to explain to our children that we aren’t stealing the Titans; we are simply reclaiming them for the Eldian people. The Nine Titans eventually all return to Paradis, and we take back what is rightfully ours. Finally the Marley stop coming to Paradis, and there is a brief period of peace. It is during that period of false peace that Eren’s time runs out.

His hair has been going prematurely grey, and we have joked about it but haven’t really taken it seriously. To do so would be admitting that he is dying. On the twins’ seventh birthday, however, his heart starts beating irregularly and he has trouble breathing. After that, we go round in circles arguing that now is the time for one of the twins to eat him. I can’t stand the thought of losing him, and I know Levi feels the same way. The children know what has to be done and why, but it makes them sad all the same, and ruins their birthday. Moreover, we can’t decide which one of them should become a Titan. They know it’s an honor and a curse to inherit one of the Nine Titans, so neither of them is willing to say they don’t want to be a Titan. They don’t want to appear childish or selfish, and I can’t help but feel like we’ve raised our children to be maybe too good. If they were selfish, at least they’d tell us they don’t want to be Titans and we could let Eren die of old age in peace.

But we know that’s impossible. So instead of fight over who should eat Eren, we decide that one will eat him, the other will eat Levi, and Petra will eat me eventually when my time comes. We don’t have any better method of choosing which one will face their trial first, so we flip a coin. Heads, Carla eats Eren, tails, Grisha eats him. Eren tosses the coin, and in a twisted spin of fate, it lands on heads. Therefore, the next time Eren’s heart stops beating and he faints, we know it’s time for Carla to fulfill her destiny as a descendant of Ymir. 

We don’t have a cave like the Reiss family but we do have cliffs at the coastline, so we bolt Eren with heavy chains to the cliffside near the harbor. We withdraw spinal fluid from Eren; he’s already quite used to the procedure by now and doesn’t even wince at the pain. Before injecting it in our daughter, who is sobbing and trembling in fear, we both say our goodbyes to Eren and share a final, haunting kiss. 

As I withdraw my lips from his, he chuckles and asks, “Is it wrong that I’m getting turned on before I’m about to die?”

I can’t speak, it’s too hard, so I just smile shakily and shrug. I glance at Levi and see that he’s walking away. He can’t watch. He’s said his goodbyes to Eren and now he wants to remember him as a human, not as a slab of meat. I gather all my courage and reply, “I’ll love you for the rest of my life, and I’ll never love anyone the way I’ve loved you, Eren.” 

“I’ll love you as a ghost and haunt you so that you always remember me,” he says brokenly in return.

I take the syringe and stumble down to the beach where Carla is huddled. “Now you know what to do, don’t you?” I ask her. 

She nods vigorously and replies unsteadily, “I have to…eat Papa.”

“Right, then roll up your sleeve and hold out your arm.” I don’t stop to think as her little childish arm is raised for my inspection. I simply inject Carla’s small bicep with her father’s spinal fluid. I have to run quickly to get away from her so that I don’t get eaten myself. When I turn around, I witness the most incongruous sight I’ve ever beheld: a female Titan delicately munching on a human body as if she’s eating the finest of meals. Since she eats him slowly, with deliberation, the process seems to take forever. Eren’s screams will haunt me to my dying day. I don’t know why I ate before, because I should have known I’d revisit the contents of my stomach.

When she has finished eating him, Carla exits her Titan body, and despite my nausea, I run to pull her out of the steaming carcass. I know it’s not her fault that Eren is dead, but for a brief moment I feel hatred towards my own daughter. Then I break down in tears and gather her to my chest, holding her tightly. I still have Eren; his spirit and memories continue to live within Carla.

I feel a hand on my shoulder and look up to see Levi, tears streaming down his face. I’ve never seen him cry before, and somehow it terrifies me. “It’s over. Let’s go home,” he says gruffly. 

I pick up Carla and he picks up Grisha, who has been watching from a distance, then we carry them to our horses and ride back to the outpost. We had refused the boy’s request to let him watch his sister eat his father. But they did everything together, and he snuck out and followed us to the cliffside. I have no idea what kind of lasting damage such a sight can do to a child. Back at the outpost, we’re greeted by Commander Hange, who looks at the children solemnly before staring at us. “You’ve both done a service to your nation today,” she says slowly.

We’ve sacrificed our lover and our children’s innocence for the people of Ymir. What more will be required of us?

“Eren died with honor, and Historia has planned a funeral at the capitol to demonstrate her support of his sacrifice,” she continues.

I stare at her in shock. It’s not enough that Eren died a miserable, tortuous death, he has to have his pain paraded around like a fool? “You can’t be serious?” I ask incredulously.

“She won’t make it into a farce,” Hange replies, as if trying to reassure me.

“I’m not fucking going,” Levi announces abruptly.

“Neither am I,” I agree.

“I’m afraid that as members of the Survey Corps, you have to go,” she says apologetically.

“And if we refuse?” Levi asks testily.

“You’ll be reprimanded and possibly courtmartialed.”

“Holy fuck.” All I can do is start crying again and Hange sighs. She reaches over to take Carla from my arms and I let her. “We can’t…even…mourn…in…privacy,” I say between gasping sobs.

Levi lays Grisha on a nearby chair and comes over to wrap his arms around me. He whispers, “We still have each other."

I love Levi but without Eren there is an enormous hole in my heart that he can’t fill. I’m not even sure I can maintain a relationship with just Levi. This realization only makes me sob harder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Reiner quote was taken from the scanlated version of Shingeki no Kyojin in Chapter 93 on mangago.me.
> 
> The Henry Cabot Lodge quote was taken from http://www.firstworldwar.com/source/lodge_leagueofnations.htm


	9. Salvation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “People should fall in love with their eyes closed.” - Andy Warhol
> 
> Okay so I know this is all completely ridiculous…humor me, will ya? (I’m aware his safe word is hilarious. That is entirely intentional. (ಡ艸ಡ) I almost want to ask for Isayama’s forgiveness but it’s too funny so I’m not actually sorry…)

The soundtrack songs for this chapter are The Night We Met by Lord Huron

Listen on [Spotify](https://open.spotify.com/track/4iH31mAwPbG9SSPN6nHWgu), [iTunes](https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/the-night-we-met/id962688212?i=962688837), [YouTube](https://youtu.be/KtlgYxa6BMU)

and Islands by Rynn

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* * *

“Don’t tell anyone…that I was crying.” - Eren Jäger to Mikasa Ackerman, Shingeki no Kyojin (Chapter 1)

———

Levi

 

“Father?” An anxious voice awakens me from a drunken stupor. “Father, Daddy says it’s almost time to go. You need to get dressed, don’t you?” Carla’s concern for me does more to wake me up than the possibility that we’ll be late to Eren’s funeral.

I bite back a curse and raise my head groggily. I’ve been steadily drinking for the past several hours, despite disapproving glances from Jean that speak volumes. He doesn’t need to say anything to make me feel guilty as shit. Ever since Eren died, a disturbing rift has been growing between us, and I have no idea how to heal it.

A small hand reaches into my own and tries to tug me out of my chair. “Now, Father, you have to get up _now_ ,” she insists.

I look down at her and hear an echo of Eren’s tortured screams. How long will it take before his ghost stops haunting us? Yet I honestly feel lost without him. Even having his ghost is better than having none of him. He was like the glue that kept our family together, and now that he’s gone, it’s disintegrating. I don’t want to lose my family as well as Eren, but it seems like that’s the direction things are going if I can’t do anything to stop it.

I stand up and stagger towards the room we are staying in, Carla’s small hand still grasping my own. “Father, are you okay?” she asks hesitantly.

I glance down at her and think about the best way to answer her. Should I be honest, since she has a right to know, and the act of eating her father practically forced her into adulthood? Or should I lie, because I don’t want to upset her? I opt for the latter; she’s suffering enough to not have me add anything to her burden. “I’m fine, honey. I just…I just drank too much, is all. I promise I won’t do it again.”

She stares at me suspiciously and cocks her head to the side. “I miss him too, you know,” she replies softly. 

Why does she have to be so intelligent? I almost break down at her response, but instead force myself to clear all thoughts of Eren from my head. He is gone. I’m still here, saddled with the job of raising these children, along with Jean, as long as he’ll have me. I have to focus on what’s important and place the kids’ needs above my own. I don’t say anything in reply, choosing to act as if I haven’t heard her. At the bedroom, I open the door and find Jean finishing up dressing Grisha. Petra is sitting on the bed playing with her doll, and when she sees me she runs toward me and hugs my leg. 

“Don’t be sad, Father,” she says. “I still love you.”

Now, if only Jean would tell that to me. But the bastard hasn’t said a single word to me in two whole days. He’s been ignoring me ever since Eren died. I pat Petra’s head and try not to cry. I’ve been constantly on the edge of tears for the past couple days and this is not helping.

“Petra, let go, Father has to get dressed,” Carla says, and pulls her sister away from me.

Petra withdraws from me with a pout and returns to the bed. I take off my clothes and put on my dress uniform, since this will be an official event attended by members of government and the military. They’ll probably want to get a chance to look at whoever inherited Eren’s Titans. Well, they’re going to be in for one hell of a surprise.

After I’m finished, I turn to the girls and they both giggle. “Father, you look so handsome,” Carla says.

“More handsome than Daddy?” I ask with a grin.

“Of course!” Petra replies with a giggle. 

Now finished with Grisha, Jean turns to us and frowns at Petra. “Hey, I heard that.”

“She can’t help but be honest, Jean. You wouldn’t want her to lie, now would you?” I grin and smack him on the ass. He yelps, jumping to the side, and I can’t help but laugh at the sight. Maybe things will get better in time?

I’m not prepared for the whispered comment that follows: “Never knew what he saw in the asshole.”

I pause and look him straight in the eye. His eyes widen as he realizes I’ve heard what he said. “Look, Levi, I’m sorry…”

I really, desperately want to say, _Save it for someone who cares_ , but I also just as desperately want to keep my family intact. That’s why I reply, “I don’t care what kind of asinine shit you pull on me, Jean, I’m still going to love you.”

He looks stunned, and slowly tears well in his eyes. He pulls me in for a tight hug and whispers in my ear, “I love you…but I need more.”

What does he mean by that? Am I really not enough for him?

Before I have a chance to ask, he releases me and wipes the tears from his face roughly. “We’re going to be late to this shit,” he says, and takes the twins’ hands in his. He avoids looking at me directly, and adds, “We need to leave for the palace now.”

“Sure,” I reply, feeling unsteady on my feet, not from my hangover but because I’m not sure if my lover actually loves me or not.

I pick up Petra, and we take a carriage in silence to the palace. The children must sense something is wrong, because they are quiet and don’t make any trouble. Once we reach the palace, I pay the driver and we’re spotted by Sasha, Connie, Armin and Mikasa, who are also arriving by carriage. I think on any other occasion the kids would run over to their aunt, but tonight they stick closely to their parents’ sides and are oddly quiet. I suppose it’s not that odd, though. They know just as well as any other whose funeral we are attending.

Inside the palace, we are escorted to the great hall where they hold memorial services and the like. We’d once received medals of honor in this hall, and remembering that time makes my eyes prick with tears. 

“Father, don’t be sad, I’m here to take care of you,” Petra whispers to me, and fuck it but I know I’m definitely going to cry in front of everyone and I have no idea how to avoid it.

“Father’s not sad,” I lie. “Father just has something stuck in his eye.” She giggles and I add, “And he’s very glad that you’re here to take care of him.”

Commander Hange approaches us and I tense up. I better not have to make a speech or some stupid shit.

“Gentlemen, I’m here to take you to your seats,” she says. She ushers us to the front and I can hear people around us whispering.

We’re given seats next to Sasha, Connie, Mikasa and Armin. Mikasa sits on Jean’s side, and holds Grisha, while Jean is on my left and Armin is on my right. Armin reaches out so that he can take Petra from me and I want to say, _No, she’s_ my _daughter don’t take her away_ , but I relent and let him hold her. Carla climbs into my lap and I feel gratified that she has chosen me over Jean.

When Historia starts speaking, I can’t hold it in any longer. The tears start to really flow, and it seems like my eyes have become rivers and that I’ll never be able to see clearly again. It’s all because she says, “Tonight we are here to honor a fallen hero, but also to say goodbye to a good friend. I was in in love with Eren Jäger, and he was kind enough to give me three beautiful children. You all know little Erwin, but there are two others you are most likely unaware of. They are now seated before you — Carla and Grisha Jäger, twins who have inherited the curse and honor of bearing Titans within them.” Carla stirs in my arms, turns around and buries her face in my jacket. “When it came time for Eren to go, it was decided that Carla inherit her father’s Titans.” I can hear a collective gasp around the hall and try my best to soothe a shaking Carla, who is obviously remembering that fateful day at the beach. “She is now the controller of the Coordinate, and can control all Titans to do her bidding. Eren sacrificed his daughter for the sake of Ymir’s people, for all of you seated here this evening. And he agreed to sacrifice his other children to inherit two other of the Nine Titans, one from Captain Levi Ackerman and one from Squad Leader Jean Kirstein. Now the future of three of the Nine Titans is secured for our people, all thanks to Eren Jäger and his family.” Historia goes on to recount Eren’s military accomplishments, which quickly becomes boring. Meanwhile, Carla stops shaking and seems to fall asleep in my arms.

Armin takes out his handkerchief and gives it to me. Apparently I’ve been making A Scene. I’d like to tell him, _I have my own, thank you very fucking much_ , but on second thought I silently accept the gift. My tears start to trickle down less and less, and I become aware that Armin’s hand is in my own and his thumb is stroking the back of my hand. It may supposed to be a soothing gesture, but I realize with a sudden shock that I’m actually becoming aroused. I try to yank my hand out of his but he grips tighter and I turn to look at him. His expression is strange, across between fear and desire, and I wonder what the fuck is going on.

“Armin?” I whisper in confusion.

“No one ever stopped to think about what _I_ wanted, did they?” he asks me, and turns away. He releases my hand and I continue to stare at his profile in confusion until Jean shakes my shoulder.

“Levi, Historia’s done with her speech,” Jean whispers to me. “Let’s go before people stop us to talk.”

I nod and shake Carla awake, who groggily raises her head and asks, “Is she done yet, Father? That was terrible…”

“Yes, she’s done, honey,” I assure her.

She sighs in relief and takes the hand that I offer. We head towards the doors but we don’t act quickly enough because Commander-in-Chief Zachary approaches us before we can leave. “Captain Ackerman, Squad Leader Kirstein, my condolences to you both. I had hoped you would introduce me to your lovely children.”

I suddenly feel anxious and glance down at Carla, who is looking at Zachary with frank curiosity. I salute and bow stiffly, then reply, “This is my daughter Carla, now in possession of two of the Nine Titans.” I whisper in her ear, “This is my boss, the guy who commands all three military branches. His name is Commander-in-Chief Dhalis Zachary. Give the man a curtsey and say hello.”

She asks in an audible voice, “Is he a bad man, Father?”

I curse inwardly and reply in a louder voice, “No, he’s a good man, Carla.”

Thankfully Zachary chuckles and Carla dutifully curtsies, then says in her sweet childish voice, “Hello Commander-in-Chief Zachary. I’m glad you’re not a bad man, otherwise Father would hurt you.”

Zachary only laughs louder, but Jean and I are both supremely embarrassed. Our children are usually only around the Survey Corps, who indulge them and let them act as they wish. I’m starting to regret the lenient attitude we’ve taken towards raising our children when Armin approaches with Petra in his arms. To take the attention off Carla, I turn to Armin and say, “I believe you know Squad Leader Armin Arlert. He’s holding Carla’s younger sister Petra. Petra, this is Commander-in-Chief Dhalis Zachary.”

Petra, the smart little thing, smiles brightly and says, “Nice to meet you, Commander Zachary.”

I turn to Jean and indicate that he introduce our son. I can tell Jean wants to roll his eyes but to my relief, he controls the urge. “Commander, this is our son Grisha,” Jean says. “He will inherit Levi’s Titan.”

“And what of little Petra?” Zachary asks. I don’t like this line of questioning, and I don’t like discussing our deaths in front of the children.

“Petra will inherit my Titan,” Jean explains.

“What about Squad Leader Arlert’s Titan, and Squad Leader Mikasa Ackerman’s Titan? I believe Squad Leaders Sasha Blouse and Connie Springer also have recently taken two of the Nine Titans. Who will inherit them?” Zachary’s curiosity is seriously starting to piss me off.

“That has yet to be decided by Armin, Mikasa, Sasha and Connie,” I reply. “But I’ve heard conversation from Sasha and Connie about adopting children from the royal orphanage who will be old enough to inherit Titans at the appropriate time. As for Mikasa, she’s not spoken of the matter to me, and neither has Armin.” It’s difficult to not sound defensive, but I feel like it’s not my place to reveal too much about my former squad members’ inheritance plans.

“Hmm…perhaps you should have children of your own, eh, Arlert?” Zachary says with an annoying laugh.

“It’s a little late for that, sir,” Armin replies quietly. “I only have five years left. A child born in, say a year’s time would only be four at my death time. But yes, I would like to have children regardless, whether biological, adopted or both.”

“Then by all means, go out and find a girl! I hear Historia is free,” Zachary says with a wink. “We could use some more blond brats running around the palace, I suppose. And your children would be _excellent_ strategists, so you definitely have my seal of approval on the matter. You can tell Commander Zoë I told you that. We might as well make sure that the sacrifice of Erwin Smith was worth something, am I right?”

I want to deck him. Armin doesn’t exactly belong to me, but how _dare_ Zachary imply that Armin would just blithely let his children be raised without his supervision by strangers at the palace? Armin _is not_ and _never will be_ Eren, and the decision we made regarding Erwin was born purely out of necessity. Without sacrificing Erwin to Historia, we’d never have been allowed to raise Carla and Grisha. Also, how dare this fucktard imply Eren’s son won’t be a good enough strategist? So maybe Eren wasn’t the most brilliant military commander in the history of humanity. He probably was one of the most courageous, adventurous and self-sacrificing ones, though, and I personally think those are damn good qualities for a future king. Not to mention the fact that digging up that ancient, long buried but never healed Erwin Smith wound is making me want to get drunk enough for three hangovers and throw the Commander-in-Chief over the nearest balcony.

Armin catches my eye and shakes his head imperceptibly. He knows my temper is probably rising right about now.

“Well, the children have their bedtime soon, so…” Jean says meaningfully.

“Oh, right, don’t let me keep you,” Zachary replies. “I’m glad to have finally met your children. I’m sure they will serve the people of Ymir just as well as you three have done. And again, I sincerely regret the loss of young Jäger. He was truly an asset to his people and served the Survey Corps well. I believe he made the right decision in his choice of inheritance, despite the large sacrifice required.”

I can only nod curtly and say, “Thank you, Commander.” 

As he turns to leave, I mouth silently to Jean, “Let’s get the fuck out of here.”

Jean glances at Armin, and they share a look that I can’t decipher. “I’ll follow you out to the courtyard,” Armin says slowly.

I shrug and take Carla’s hand in mine, then we exit the hall to the outer courtyard, where a line of carriages awaits those leaving the service. Before we can get in a carriage, however, we hear a small voice shout eagerly, “Uncle Levi! Uncle Jean!”

We turn around and find little Erwin running towards us, pursued by two men, probably his bodyguards. We stop and wait for him patiently, and the children perk up. They hardly ever see their brother. The blond boy skids to a halt in front of me and wraps himself around my leg. He’s crying, and I try to wipe the tears away from his eyes as he clings to me. 

“I missed you so much, Uncle Levi!” he wails. “And Mama says that Papa died! Tell me she’s wrong! She can’t be telling me the truth, right? Papa is too young to die! Papa didn’t even teach me how to use the 3DMG yet!”

Before I can answer, Carla shifts uncomfortably at my side and says, “She’s right, Papa is dead.”

“I don’t believe you!” Erwin cries, snot running down onto my pants leg. 

“It’s true, I saw him die,” she insists.

“What?” he asks disbelievingly.

“Hey, kids, that’s enough,” Jean interrupts. “Erwin, it’s true that Papa died. He died an honorable death and we were all honoring his memory tonight. But he also lives on in the memories of those around him and in his children, including you. So as long as you remember him, he’ll still be alive.”

Erwin bursts into fresh tears, and this time he heaves great sobs that I know will be difficult to stop. I kneel down and put my hand on his shoulder. I can see a shadow of his father in him, and it cuts through me like a knife. “Erwin, look at me,” I order him.

He blinks and looks me in the eye, trembling. His bodyguards finally arrive and are standing nearby, looking unimpressed.

“Erwin, I miss your Papa more than anything in the world,” I tell him. This makes him truly pay attention to me, his sobbing dying down. “I will _always_ miss him, and I will always love him. But I have to take care of my children and Jean, so I can’t cry all the time, even though I really want to.” He looks down at his feet and sniffles. I smile and smooth down his fine, golden hair. “You have to take care of your Mama. She’s counting on you to be the next king, and kings don’t go running around crying all the time. You can cry in your bedroom, when you’re alone, and with your Mama sometimes if she is sad and you’re alone together. But princes don’t cry like a baby in public, because they are symbols of strength. And I know you are a very strong boy, strong like your father. I think he wouldn’t mind if you cried over him a little, but he would also want you to keep living your life and taking care of your Mama like you’re supposed to.”

“So…” he sniffles again and kicks a rock down the cobblestone path. “So Papa really is dead? I can never see him again?” I nod and he bites his lip. I can tell he’s trying his best not to cry again. “And I can cry later in my bed, but not right now?” he whispers. I nod again and he takes a deep, shuddering breath, then lets it go all at once. He says in a louder voice, “Uncle Levi, being a prince sure is hard sometimes.”

Carla snorts, and I can tell what she’s thinking, _At least he doesn’t have to eat his Mama_.

“It can be, but that’s why you have bodyguards, tutors, advisors and a Mama to help you out,” I reply. I try to smile reassuringly and I reach out to hug him. He hugs me back and I feel an earnest echo of Eren in him. Tears prick at my eyes and I curse this damn overabundance of fucking _feelings_ I’ve had lately.

“Captain Levi, sir, we need to get him to bed,” one of the bodyguards says.

I glare at him and he backs off. I feel a hand on my shoulder and I look up to see that it’s Jean. He indicates with a tilt of the head that we get in the carriage, and I sigh. I suppose he’s right, we need to put our kids to bed as well. “Okay…” I sigh. I reluctantly release Erwin and a bodyguard comes forward to take his small hand. “Goodnight, Erwin. Be a good boy and we’ll visit you tomorrow, alright?”

He nods vigorously and walks off with his bodyguards back to the palace entrance.

At the carriage door, I pause and Mikasa is there getting in with the children. As she closes the door on me, I protest, “What? Don’t cut me out, woman, those are my kids!”

She raises an eyebrow and glances at the men behind me. “I take it you haven’t told him? Well, good luck with that, boys.” She sighs and turns back to me to say, “I’m taking the kids for the night. You guys are doing whatever guys do together, all of which I want to know exactly _zero_ about. You can meet us at the palace at noon; I’ve already made plans with Historia for the children to play together at the palace in the morning.” Then she seems to consider something and adds matter of factly, “Oh and Captain, if you hurt Armin in any way, shape or form, I will personally cut off all your limbs and feed them to the street dogs.” With that, the door closes abruptly and the carriage sets off at a quick pace.

I turn around and stare, bewildered, at Jean and then at Armin, who are both looking distinctly embarrassed. “Can someone tell me what the actual fuck is going on here?”

* * *

 

Armin

 

The carriage ride back to the barracks is silent and awkward. Captain Levi, of course, wants an explanation but we aren’t able to give one in such a public place as the palace. Even then, in the carriage it seems like too public a space for our discussion. So we end up waiting until we’re all seated on rickety folding chairs in Captain Levi’s en suite bedroom.

I can feel my heels drumming the floor and my hands fidgeting in anxiety as I prepare what I need to say to the two men seated before me. I feel like I’m at a military tribunal, honestly, when I look up and see the Captain glaring at me.

“So now you will explain to me why the fuck Mikasa took my children away from me tonight and why you feel the need to tell me in my bedroom of all places,” Captain Levi commands.

“Levi, go easy on him, he just wants to talk, that’s all,” Jean protests. “I don’t know if your memory is already going, but he was Eren’s best friend. I think that means he deserves some respect, _especially_ from you.” Levi just glares at him, and Jean rolls his eyes. “Or, don’t listen to me. Whatever.”

I swallow nervously and sit up straighter. I’m very aware of my body at the moment, and I know it might be lacking those qualities the Captain found attractive in Eren. But I also know I’m not the ugliest person on the planet, either. It’s only a matter of emphasizing the good things over the bad, and acting as confident as possible. _Just act like you do as a Squad Leader, Armin_ , I tell myself. I start to calm down a little and have to hide a secret smile. If only Eren could see me now. He’d always wanted me to act more confident.

“So…Captain…” I start, but am immediately interrupted.

“This is my bedroom. Call me Levi for fuckssake,” the Captain barks, and I stiffen. Great, I already pissed him off.

“Right, Levi…” Referring to him by his first name seems strange after years of calling him Captain, but if things go well tonight I’ll be calling him Levi frequently. I gulp and wish I have a glass of water to help relieve my suddenly dry mouth. “Levi, I came here tonight because we both have a problem, and that problem stems from Eren.” I can see that’s gotten his attention, because he glances at Jean and shifts uncomfortably in his seat. “The fact of the matter is, Eren is dead. He’s gone, forever, and nothing I can do will bring him back. When he died, I lost a friend that I’d known since I was a small child. I basically lost my brother. You lost someone I’d consider the equivalent of a husband, even though you never officially declared him as such. It’s not easy to let someone as close as that go, and it’s impossible to replace someone like that. I know that better than anyone in this room. But there is something of an uncomfortable truth I have to share with you, because it was Eren’s request.”

At this, both Jean and the Captain raise their eyebrows and lean in to listen. “Eren…” I have to look away, and find that I have trouble forming the words.

“What? What the fuck did he want you to do?” the Captain, no — Levi, demands angrily.

“Levi, quit being such an ass,” Jean mutters.

“I wouldn’t need to be an ass if he had a pair of balls,” Levi replies sarcastically.

At that I become infuriated. This is just as hard for me as it is for them. How dare he think I won’t honor Eren’s request? I get up and stalk over to him, letting him know exactly how little shit I am willing to put up with where Eren is concerned. At first he looks startled, and then intrigued. Finally I stand right in front of him, lean forward and put my hands on his knees for emphasis. “Eren asked me to ‘take care’ of you and your family, you little fucking circus freak,” I say as snidely as possible. Both Jean and the Captain look utterly shocked that I’d curse at him. I feel extremely satisfied. “The next time you insinuate that I lack a pair of balls, I’m going to take out my pocket knife and carve yours off. Then I’ll definitely have a pair, now won’t I?” I stand back up and fold my arms, utterly disgusted with the man in front of me. What did Eren see in him, anyway? He’s an asshole! “I don’t even know what Eren saw in you, honestly, but he insisted that I take his place after he died in order to keep his family in one piece. Because I can tell from a single glance that right now it’s falling apart and that Jean needs some kind of buffer to be able to stand you for longer than two seconds.”

The Captain just stares at me in shock and then looks at Jean, who shrugs uncomfortably. “He’s not far off the mark, Levi. I love you, but…”

“I love you, but? What the fuck does that mean? What about me is not good enough for you?!” Levi shouts. Then he turns to me and adds, “And you, where the fuck do you get off calling a superior officer a ‘circus freak’? You think that won’t have consequences?” He gets right up in my face and I force myself to not back down. “You want to be a part of this family? I don’t want anyone around who feels like it’s their duty and who’s not attracted to us.”

I feel my cheeks start to heat up as I say, “I never said I wasn’t attracted to you.” I’m painfully aware that my hands are shaking and I look like a fool. “The fact is, I’m twenty-three and still a virgin. I don’t know exactly what you want or need in a bed partner, but I’m willing to…submit.” The last comes out in a near whisper. I gulp and continue in a louder voice, “I’m a Titan shifter, and I’m not as weak as you think I am. I can take whatever you give out…Levi. And,” at this I have to look away because it’s too embarrassing, “and I’ll probably do something idiotic like say, ‘No more, stop it!’ but you have my permission to keep going because that would be me just being a spineless coward. I never said I was superhuman, I have my faults like anyone else. I’ll be honest and admit this entire thing scares the ever living shit out of me, enough that it makes me want to curse and I never do that. But I loved Eren like a brother, and if I have to make a little sacrifice for him it’s nothing that he wouldn’t have done for me.” I look back at the Captain and can’t decipher what he’s thinking. “What I’m saying is that, will you just give me a chance? Maybe this is not something that I would’ve exactly chosen on my own, but I think that under the circumstances, it’s best for your family and…and you might even start to like me at some point, who knows.” I scuff the floorboard with my toe and add in a lower voice, “I’m sorry for calling you a circus freak, but you really got me angry for a second there. Being treated like shit by someone Eren regarded highly is not something I enjoy. I hope you can understand that.”

“Hmm…” is all Levi can say in response. I look up and he is staring at me thoughtfully. “I had no idea you could be such a mouthy little shithead, Armin.” I bristle but then feel a little better as he adds, “I kind of like this side of you. Yeah, I actually prefer this side of you to the prude who’d never dream of ‘submitting’ to me.” He grins almost maliciously and continues, “I hope you are aware what submitting can mean to one such as myself, perverted devil that I am.”

I gulp and shrug. “I have some idea, sir.”

“Don’t fucking call me sir when we’re in my bedroom, Armin.” He crosses his legs, and casually puts his arm over Jean’s shoulder. He whispers in the younger man’s ear for a few minutes while Jean’s face seems to get progressively redder until it looks like his head is going to explode. Then he turns back to me and puts out his hand and starts to count off on his fingers. “Let’s establish some ground rules for our bedroom, Armin. Rule number one: we always call each other by our first names. Rule number two: we call a penis by its real name, cock. Rule number three: we call semen by its real name, cum. Rule number four: when we order you to do something, you do it without asking questions or begging us for an alternative. Rule number five: you’re probably a bottom but you can top if you feel like it. Rule number six: we never have sex in front of the kids. Rule number seven: we don’t try to muffle the sounds we make unless the kids are asleep. Rule number eight: we each have a safe word so that if we feel truly uncomfortable, when we say that word everything stops. Rule number nine: there are no other lovers besides the three of us. We can talk about having another kid with Historia but I personally would rather adopt if we all want more children. And rule number ten: if someone says, ‘I love you’ or some shit like that, they have to actually mean it.” He closes his hand into a fist and extends it towards me, then releases his fingers so we can shake hands. 

I hesitate and look at Jean, who nods at me encouragingly, and I take a deep breath. I’m not exactly sure what I’m getting myself into here, but I have little choice in the matter. This is Eren’s last dying wish, and I have to fulfill it. So I shake hands with him and say, “Levi, rest assured that if I ever say to you, ‘I love you,’ I’ll mean it.” He looks a little startled as I add, “I’m not quite there yet, but I honestly want to be.”

“Then prove it,” he replies with an expression that can only be called a self-satisfied smirk. “Strip.”

I recall the rules he just listed and slowly take off all my clothes, including my socks and shoes.

“Not bad,” Levi says absently. “I never really thought about it before, but he’s not that bad. Right, Jean?” 

“I don’t know what you’re looking at, Levi, I think he’s pretty fucking hot. He’s got that round, tight little ass I could just smack right about now.”

“Oh, speaking of which, I have something to show you, Jean,” Levi says mysteriously. “But first, we need to blindfold him.”

“What’s your safe word, Armin?” Jean asks as Levi gets up.

“Um…” I think for a moment and then say, “Titan. My safe word is Titan.”

I steel myself and curse my body for trembling as Levi walks over to the closet and returns with his bag. All I can see is a black strip of cloth and then he’s covering my eyes with it. I try not to breathe faster, and I end up taking shallow breaths that do nothing to calm me down. So I count down from one hundred as I feel foreign hands exploring my body. The hands disappear for a moment and I start to shiver at the sudden cold. My hearing has become more acute and I’m aware of the sound of clothing being removed and thrown aside. Then the hands are back, but now they’re joined by lips and tongues and teeth. I think they’re trying to get me aroused, but all I feel is absolute terror. All I can do is stand there and shiver, afraid of what is going to happen next. I try not to cry.

“Hush, it’s going to be alright, sweetheart,” Jean whispers in my ear, and I just about fall over in relief. I can’t believe what a single sentence does to calm me down.

Someone lifts me and places me on the bed, and I begin to tremble again as I feel silken rope on my skin. They are tying my wrists and ankles together so that my body makes a V shape, and I reflect that it would be just a little hilarious if it weren’t happening to me. Then I’m lifted up by the rope and strung to what I assume are the bed posts. I now hang suspended in the air, my nether region fully exposed to view and my poor penis shriveled and clearly trying to hide from their attention by staying persistently _not_ erect. 

Suddenly I feel a body next to mine and Levi whispers in my ear, “Do you trust me?”

I nod immediately. I don’t need to think about it. I’ve followed him into battle countless times. I know he’d never hurt me.

That’s why I don’t make a single sound when I’m struck by what I’m fairly certain is a leather whip, something like a flogger with tassels on the ends. I’m too shocked to make a sound. Of all the things they could do to me, the last thing I’d imagine would be flogging my genitals. I’m struck a second time, and now I do groan a little, and flinch involuntarily. The pain is likely nothing I’ve encountered before. I can suddenly feel everything, everywhere on my body and I don’t like it. I don’t want to feel this way, I want to go crawl in a little hole somewhere and roll up in a pile of blankets alone to cry myself to sleep. Instead, I have to endure another lash, which is very deliberately aimed at hitting my anus, balls and penis. I don’t really care about the rules now, in my head I’ll call it a fucking penis if I want to. It’s the only rebellion that I allow myself.

One or more of them (I’m not sure who’s doing it, honestly) strikes me repeatedly until my skin must be reddened. At the same time, I’m sweating profusely and I want to get down on my knees and beg for a glass of water. But I stay silent, only moaning a little now and then as the pain intensifies to a level that my brain can’t comprehend and language has no words to describe. Then, to my horror, my genitals gradually begin to awaken — that is, they respond to the lashes in a way I’d never thought possible. I can feel all the blood rush down to my bottom and penis and they start to throb along to the beating of my heart. On the next lash, I involuntarily make this lewd moan that echoes through the room and seems to affect the other two.

“Oh, he seems to be feeling it finally,” Levi comments. He sounds so carefree that I want to punch him in the face.

“Yeah, I think he likes it a little, but we should be gentle, Levi, it’s his first time,” Jean cautions.

“Fuck that, I’m gonna make him come with the flogger,” Levi responds.

I shiver at his words and I feel tears leaking down my cheeks. I’m afraid of this, what I look like, how I’ll react if I receive more lashes. I’ve never had an orgasm in front of anybody before, and I hardly ever masturbate at all. I’m afraid of losing control in front of my Captain and friend. But I’m not going to act like a baby and whine, either. This is a test of my courage and perseverance, and I swear that I’ll survive whatever hell Levi throws my way.

“Let’s ask him what he wants,” Jean suggests.

I stiffen in alarm; this is new territory. I have no idea what I want. I’d really like to get down from here and cover myself up, but I’d also like for them to continue touching me like they did before. And down below, I know there’s a part of my body that wants to be filled with something. Desperately.

“Armin, baby, tell us what you want us to do now,” Jean says softly to me. I can feel him place a kiss on my cheek and I nearly purr at the contact. I discover that I really, _really_ want to be touched right now.

“I want you…I need someone, anyone…” This is so embarrassing, I can feel my cheeks get warm at the words I’m speaking. I swallow uncomfortably. “First, I fucking need a glass of water and then I need you to fuck me senseless.”

They both break out into uncontrollable laughter, probably because I cursed and I never do that. But this situation is so ridiculous, it’s bringing out a different Armin than what they’re used to. An Armin that I normally hide from sight, but who exists nonetheless.

“Okay, wait just a sec,” Jean replies, and I don’t have to wait more than a minute before a glass is pressed to my lips and I gulp cold water down eagerly. Some drops roll down my chest and I bite back a curse as someone, I’m not sure if it’s Jean or Levi, licks the water off my skin.

By now, my erection has fallen somewhat, but it’s revived when a hand begins to pump it up and down like I usually do when masturbating. This doesn’t last for long though. I don’t get a chance to come; instead, I feel one of them dab some kind of liquid on the head of my penis. What occurs next is, of course, completely unexpected. I begin to jerk spasmodically as something long, thin and cold is inserted into my penis. I very much hope it’s made of metal and not glass because glass can break into shards that would destroy my insides.

“What? Wha…what are you? Please… _no_! I don’t want…please no…no… _please_!” I beg, but I recall what I’ve told the Captain earlier and curse myself. I really, really don’t want this inside my penis. First of all, it’s foreign, and secondly it’s making me feel…weird. It’s touching me so deep down inside, in a place I never knew existed, a place that’s now calling out to be stimulated but is so sensitive I’m overwhelmed by the sensation of it being touched. “Take it out, now,” I order in my most commanding voice.

“No,” Levi says simply. “I’d planned on using this with Eren, but what with having the kids around all the time we never got to use it. Then I thought I’d try it on Jean in order to get the spark back between us, but I think this is a perfect opportunity to demonstrate how much you want to be with us. By wearing this, you’re declaring that you belong to us.” He reiterates this by whispering in my ear emphatically, “You. Belong. To. Us,” and with each word he moves the metal rod in my penis just a little up, and then back down to touch that unfathomable place inside me.

I can’t help it, I begin to whimper as the object moves inside me. I need more than this. I need to be filled somewhere else, not in my penis. “I need…I need you to fill my other hole, not that one, you _asshole_!” I say through gritted teeth.

“Oh? Oh really? Well why didn’t you just say so?” he replies with a laugh. “I can certainly help you there.” 

I jerk back as I feel a lubricated finger enter my anus slowly. I try to take a deep breath and fail. “Please…” I beg. I don’t know what I’m asking for.

“What do you want?” Levi says gently, and it’s so uncharacteristic of him that I break down into tears.

“Levi…Levi…just…just…I need _you_!” I confess brokenly. I can’t stop crying and it’s so embarrassing. “I need you inside of me, I need you all over me, I need you now and I need you tomorrow and I think I needed you my whole life but I couldn’t have you until now…so please, please don’t throw me away…” I’m sobbing uncontrollably as the slow movement of his finger stops. A second finger joins the first, and I welcome the burning sensation of my hole being stretched, because it means that soon he’ll be inside me.

“Baby, we won’t leave you,” he says to me, and I don’t know if I’m imagining it but I think he says it almost…lovingly.

Suddenly his fingers touch somewhere inside my bottom that reacts as if a thousand sparks of lightening have been struck and are coursing through me in a cacophony of pleasure. “Levi!” I scream, and my hips jerk, as if seeking more friction against that spot inside me.

“Hmm, I think you found it, Levi,” Jean says with a laugh. “You look like you’re having too much fun, let me help out a little.”

I feel something pinch my left nipple, hard, and I cry out again, this time in pain. “What’s that?” I ask, feeling betrayed.

“Just a nipple clamp. We would use these all the time on Eren,” Jean explains. “He loved them.  You will too, soon.”

He clamps my right nipple and I flinch at the excruciating pain. “This…is not fun,” I say through clenched teeth. The combination of metallic object in my penis, nipple clamps and fingers in my bottom is starting to do strange things to my head. Because I think maybe I wouldn’t mind it if they whipped me right now — in fact I’m starting to crave it. I must be a complete idiot, because I admit to it aloud. “Before we have sex, can you, um, flog me a little more?” I ask. “Especially, I mean…I like it on my…cock…and my, um…on my asshole…” At the end of the sentence I feel like I’ve run a hundred miles, it's so hard to admit to that.

“Hmm, this one likes a little pain, that’s good, very good,” Levi says, and I’m rewarded by a mouth enveloping my penis. It’s warm, and tight, and oh so perfect, so much so that I can’t help but moan wantonly. He moves on to lick and suck my balls and the feeling is so extraordinary I feel like I’m on the edge of an orgasm. 

He seems to sense this, because the next moment, his mouth is off and instead I feel a string being tied around my genitals. “That will keep you from coming until we say so,” he explains, and I whimper in frustration because I had been right there on the edge and now all I can feel is this dull ache that is insistent but bearable. _These people are monsters_ , I think.

The flogger comes out again and they give me what I asked for — at least ten lashes against my lower half, all directed at my genitals and anus. The throbbing begins to feel almost comfortable, a welcome sensation in anticipation of something even better. Finally, when Levi seems satisfied that I’m on the verge of an orgasm, he backs off and puts away the flogger. Again, I’m so frustrated I could scream. Instead, tears trickle down my cheeks, which one of them kisses away.

Suddenly something is being inserted into my anus, and it’s not fingers this time. It’s most definitely a penis, and I’m so genuinely relieved to finally be filled with the real thing that I begin to cry once more. “Shh, stop being such a crybaby, Armin,” Jean says in my ear. 

I stiffen and cry harder. Jean is inside of me. “But…but it’s…it’s…so…so good…” I protest. “It’s too good, it’s too much…” 

And then he’s thrusting inside me, over and over again, hitting that perfect spot inside me each time and the only thing I can do is whimper and slump with my head lolling to the side. His chest rubs against my erection as he holds me in his arms the way I’ve always wanted. I’m done. This is just too much. The constant assault on that internal spot somehow triggers an answering movement in the metal object inside my penis and there is a kind of explosion of pleasure inside my groin that ricochets up through my spine and throughout my body until my ears are ringing and my toes are clenching tightly. But nothing comes out of my penis because it’s tied up, and my orgasm is halted midway. This happens multiple times, so that I start to worry my body will get sick from too much pleasure. I think my anus is clenching and unclenching in spasms, I can’t control it’s movement. It must squeeze his penis particularly tight because Jean cries out, “Motherfucking shit, what are you doing to me, Armin?” A second or two later I feel warm liquid coursing through me, and I feel inexplicably happy. Jean cups my face with his hands and kisses me so softly on the lips that I just about break down again. It’s my first kiss, and I wouldn’t trade it for any other.

Then, I feel him shift away and the penis inside me withdraws only to be replaced quickly by another one. This one is a little thicker and stretches me out a bit further; it must be Levi regardless. My guess turns out to be correct as I hear him chuckle in my ear. He bites my earlobe and kisses a line down my neck and across my jaw. Finally, he kisses my mouth and honestly, it’s more of an assault because his tongue slides in and starts to thrust in and out like he wants to fuck my mouth. I moan into his mouth and he takes it as encouragement to continue. After a while, I don’t know where his mouth ends and mine begins, our tongues are so tangled. 

While he’s sucking and nibbling on my lips, he begins to pump his penis in and out of my bottom faster and faster like a piston in the engines I’ve been working on. He seems able to find that pleasure spot inside me too and aims to rub it with every thrust. Soon I’m panting and sweating like a pig, shaking from the effect of not being able to orgasm so many times. Finally I can’t take it any longer, and I tear my lips away from his. “Please…Levi, let me come,” I plead.

“No.” This is spoken by both Jean and Levi, and it’s all I can do not to break down again.

“This is torture,” I cry.

“No, this is sex,” Levi says with a laugh. He thrusts harder into me and I can feel his semen rushing up through me.

I stop counting how many times they trade places, pausing only once to give me more water and then continuing on. I cry all the tears I’ve had piled up missing Eren and then some, but all my begging falls on deaf ears. I begin to wonder if they just see me as a hole to ejaculate into, but then they untie me from the bed posts and massage the circulation back into my wrists and ankles. I’m leaking so much semen that I feel like there’s a lake of it stored inside me now. Levi picks me up and Jean removes the cloth from around my face. I still haven’t been allowed to come yet. I’m boneless in his arms as he walks over to the bathtub and draws a bath for us. They wash themselves up with the shower and then they wash me as if I’m a child that needs looking after. My poor penis, still erect and throbbing with the object inside it, looks terribly purplish and I wonder if it will ever recover after such abuse. They wash it thoroughly and chuckle to themselves over how much of a good little boy I’ve been tonight. 

There’s just barely enough room for two people to sit in the tub facing each other, so I sort of suspect their plan when I’m ordered to sit on Jean’s lap. I have no idea how he got it up again, he’s come so many times, but he’s fully erect and I understand that I have to sit directly on his erection with my back towards his chest. Even so, I feel a bit humiliated since now I actually have to watch as Levi watches me being fucked by Jean. I gasp as Jean grips my hips and begins to nearly pummel my bottom with his penis. The friction against my pleasure spot, in combination with the jostling of the object in my penis is enough to make me sob. By this time, they know I’m crying because it feels too good, not because I’m in pain.

“Will…will you let me come…soon?” I gasp.

Levi cocks his head to the side and seems to consider this for a moment. “No,” he states matter of factly.

I cry harder.

I dimly am aware of Jean coming inside me, his hips stuttering against my bottom. Then, I’m handed over to Levi, whose penis is waiting for me to sit on it. Levi seems to be in a competition with Jean to see how fast and hard he can fuck me, because I start to actually bounce up and down on him. Eventually I find myself joining in with him, eagerly raising my own bottom up and down to meet his thrusts. Levi seems to enjoy this, and hums in pleasure, biting down on my neck as he comes with a groan inside me. Then he bends me over to inspect my anus and when he starts to lick it I nearly scream in ecstasy. It’s quite sensitive by now and all the skin around it is begging to be touched, but most especially the sphincter itself. I can feel his tongue enter and exit and I think I actually do purr in satisfaction.

“You like that, huh, little bitch?” Levi asks.

I can only nod, too tired to speak.

“Eren used to like that too,” he observes.

I kind of wish they’d stop comparing me to Eren, but it seems understandable since I may basically replace him.

“He didn’t cry the way you do, though. At first it was annoying but now I think it’s kind of cute,” Jean comments. “You just seem to get overwhelmed easily. Maybe over time you’ll adjust.”

I shake my head. “You two…are just…there are no words,” I try to explain, without managing to actually explain anything.

They both laugh and Jean lifts me out of the tub. He helps me stand while Levi towels me off, and Jean picks me up and takes me back to the bed. To my relief, I’m not trussed up again. Instead, Levi is kneeling on the bed, busy pumping his penis, apparently getting ready for me again. I honestly don’t know how much more of this I can take. He lies with his back on the bed and indicates that I should come and straddle him. He takes some oily substance and slathers his penis with it, then guides my hips so that his penis is at my entrance.

“Sit down, Armin,” Levi says to me. “I promise this is the last time for tonight.” He props himself up and whispers in my ear, “You like it when we make love, don’t you?” 

I think I must turn bright red, as my cheeks feel like they’re flaming hot. I just nod and look away.

“We’ll let you come at the end, don’t worry,” Jean adds from where he’s seated behind me.

I’m starting to have a bad premonition about where this is going.

I gingerly sit down on Levi’s penis and he instructs me to raise and lower myself on him, as fast as I can (which isn’t very fast — I’m exhausted). His hips rise up to meet me, and once more that unfathomable place inside me is ignited. Then the worst possible thing happens — Jean approaches me from behind and and traps me in his arms. I don’t struggle; I know I’m supposed to follow orders and this is an implicit order to stay silent and endure.

Yet I can’t help but protest and cry out, “No, no, please no more…I _can’t_ , it’s impossible,” as he slowly but surely inserts his penis in next to Levi’s.

Barely the tip is able to get in and already I feel like it’s going to tear and there will be blood everywhere. Jean croons in my ear, “Relax, baby, relax,” but it’s no use. It’s not getting in there.

Then Levi sits up and whispers very softly in my ear, so that Jean can’t hear him, “Sweetheart, darling, baby, it’s okay, no one’s going to hurt you, we only want to love you, now let us in…precious darling I’m already falling for you just because of your courage tonight, you know that? Show daddy how brave you are and let Jean in like a good boy…that’s right…”

And suddenly Jean is in, like magic, and I’m fuller than I’ve ever thought possible. The feeling is very strange, and terrifying, but I take one look in Levi’s eyes and see that he was being honest with me. He actually has the beginning of feelings for me, because I opened up and let them in, because I followed the rules that structure their family. So I lean against him wearily and whisper, “Please, take me.”

He smooths down my hair and the tears I cry as they start to move are not from pain or pleasure, but from happiness. The sex is slow and leisurely, and having my hands free allows me the opportunity to put my arms around Levi and kiss him with my own initiative. This time, when my orgasm starts to form, they sense it, and Levi unties the string while Jean removes the nipple clamps. My eyes shoot open as the indescribable pain of blood rushing back to my nipples hits me like a 15 meter class Titan. At the same time, my balls are finally freed to release the semen they’ve been storing up with repeated near-orgasms. The heady combination of pleasure and pain makes me scream wordlessly, while the force of my orgasm pushes the metal rod out of my penis, and what appears like an ocean of semen streams out onto Levi’s chest. It won’t seem to stop, there’s so much in there, and Levi chuckles and squeezes my sensitive penis up and down a few times to milk the remaining drops out. They thrust slowly in and out of me a few more times and then they both let out guttural moans while I feel them filling me up for the last time.

“You sure had it built up, didn’t you?” Jean remarks with a throaty laugh. He kisses my neck and I twist so that I can kiss him on the lips.

“Jean…” I pause and am aware Levi is still inside me as I say this. “Jean, you know I said I was in love with you several years ago. And you chose Eren over me. But, the thing is, I didn’t stop loving you.” I don’t cry, but I kind of want to.

He hugs me from behind and kisses me on the cheek. “I know, Armin, I know. It may take a little while for me, but I’m pretty sure I’m going to fall for you. Just be patient with me.”

I nod, only slightly devastated.

“Fucking hell, Jean!” Levi says. “Way to be a complete dick.” He kisses me full on the lips and declares loudly, “If I had a confession like that I’d fucking say I love that person right back.”

I feel very embarrassed and want to leave as soon as possible. Not thinking about how much semen will stream out of me as I move, I get up and find thick white liquid dripping all the way down my legs. “Yuck,” is the best thing I can think of. I stumble to the bathroom and rinse, then dry myself off. Semen is still seeping out of me as I try to get dressed.

“Hey, where are you going?” Levi asks in a concerned voice.

“Um, to my room,” I explain, although it seems quite obvious to me.

“Uh…no, you’re sleeping here,” he insists, and pats the bed beside him firmly.

“That’s…nice of you to offer but I really shouldn’t.” I’m on the edge of tears for about the millionth time today. “I, just…on further reflection I think this was a bad idea.”

“What?” they say in unison.

“I mean, you already have your own relationship, you don’t need me…” I try to explain.

“But we do need you, otherwise Jean wouldn’t have been giving me the silent treatment for two days straight,” Levi protests.

Jean looks guilty at this and grabs onto Levi’s hand. “You know I only did that because it seemed awkward with Eren gone.”

“Exactly my fucking point! It’s awkward without a third person. We’re just used to three, and you’re pretty damn convenient, Armin. Plus you’re already in love with Jean, so what’s the problem here?”

“The problem is me,” I confess. “I just…I can’t sit around and wait for Jean or you to fall in love with me. It hurts too much. So I’d rather we not try at all then pretend in order to get along.”

“But Jean said he’d try…”

“That’s not enough for me,” I cry out. I’m tired and sore and I can’t believe I put up with their shit only to give up on this. “I need your love now, or never and if that’s too much to ask from you well then, deal with it.”

I continue to dress in stony silence and then Levi leaps off the bed and holds my hands still so that I can’t continue to button up my shirt. He says quickly, “What if I said I’m in love with you right now, would that change your mind?”

I sputter and stare at him, dumbfounded. “But that’s just not true!”

“It _is_ true, and you better fucking believe me or else I swear you’ll regret walking out that door.”

I frown and try to dislodge my hands from his grip. “Is that a threat?”

“No, it’s me trying to be romantic but obviously failing,” he says with a smile. “Will you just listen to me?”

I glare at him and stop struggling. “Whatever. Say what you need to say.”

“Armin, I think what you did this evening, what you went through for us, for me was very brave. You proved to me that you’ll do anything to be with us, to be a part of our family. And I want, no, I _need_ you to be a part of our family. If that’s not love I don’t know what is. I think probably the passionate love will come later, but right now at least I can see a future together and I can’t bear to see you throw that away just because Jean is too much of a coward to admit when he’s in love with someone.”

“Hey! I heard that!” Jean objects. “I didn’t say I wasn’t in love with him. What I meant to say is that I’m not like, head over heels for him yet. But that it will come in time, for fuckssake. How can you expect me to fall in love with someone overnight?”

“Man the fuck up, Jean, tell him you love him,” Levi hisses.

I tremble and wish Levi would just hug me. He catches my eye and seems to understand what I need. I’m wrapped up in a crushing hug; I sigh in contentment and surrender to his embrace. “Jean?” Levi asks persistently.

“Okay, alright, just because you’re having a hissy fit. Give him to me, Levi.”

Levi picks me up and deposits me on Jean’s lap. I sit there feeling very small until Jean kisses me on the forehead and says, “I do love you, baby. I want to love you more, and I think my love for you will grow each day. That’s what I should have said to start with.”

I can’t help but cry a little. My wish has come true. The man of my dreams has said he loves me. I nod slowly and I must lose consciousness because the next moment, I’m waking up to Levi cuddled up in front of me and Jean behind. Sunlight is streaming through the window, and I reflect that this must be the happiest day of my life. The first day of life in a new family.

* * *

 

Jean

 

The conversation with Armin that became a sex extravaganza turned out to be the best thing that could have happened to us. From that point on, I could talk easily with Levi, Levi didn’t act like a complete asshole all the time, and the children enjoyed having a greater amount of time to spend with their uncle. We would, of course, have to explain at some point the new relationship we had with their uncle, but for now it was fine just to call him Uncle Armin.

He did manage to faint on us that first evening, which had me a bit worried, but the next morning he was as bright and chipper as ever, albeit with a few bruises to show for the night before. He didn’t complain of being sore, but I could tell he was moving stiffly and I felt so bad that I spoiled him for the next week straight. As time went on, though, he was able to endure more of the kind of sex we like without breaking down into tears every few minutes. He never really got to the point where he could make lewd requests like Eren, but he did admit to liking certain things and wanting to try other things that the average person might not like or think normal.

Which is why, nearly a year later, I find myself urinating inside his ass. And basically loving every minute of it, to tell you the truth. Eren would have never let me do this. I’d honestly never dreamed of doing it, but apparently Armin had on several occasions jerked off to the idea of me taking a piss inside him. The feeling is strange, but oddly satisfying in a way that is definitely sexual but not really the same as having an orgasm. Armin looks up at me, completely embarrassed, and shudders in what is clearly an orgasm as come shoots out of his dick and his asshole clenches tightly around my cock. 

I can feel my warm urine and come leaking out of Armin and onto the towels beneath us and all I can say is, “Armin, this was a really good idea.”

“You…you think?” he asks timidly. I can tell he’s incredibly embarrassed, mostly because of Levi’s visceral initial reaction to the idea. Even now, Levi is muttering under his breath about “filthy brats,” despite the fact that we’re well into our twenties. As I pull out, urine rushes out of Armin’s ass and Levi jumps up to clean up the mess. “I’m sorry, Levi,” Armin says to him apologetically.

“Don’t be ashamed of yourself, Armin,” Levi replies. “Remember, I’m the one that likes to stuff your cock with things, right? And lick the cum out of your asshole? Which do you think is more disgusting, huh?”

“Um…the urine, definitely,” Armin mutters, face red.

“Well I think you’re wrong there. I don’t think any of us should be ashamed of what we like to do in bed. I mean, I don’t know if Jean’s told you, but he once told Eren he was going to fuck him in front of an open window.”

“Wait, how do you know that?” I ask, startled.

“I have ears, you know,” Levi replies with an evil grin.

“So did you?” Armin asks me, and is shocked as Levi begins licking and sucking his wet asshole. “Um, did you ever, ah…fuck Eren in front of an open window?”

I chuckle because Armin still has problems saying the words, “cock,” “cum,” “asshole,” “fuck,” etc. “No, I never did.”

“You…can do that to me if you want to.”

Levi looks up and says, “Now don’t go saying that just because he wanted to do it to Eren. You’re a different person, and you don’t have to do all the same things that he did. In fact, you probably can’t, because he was pretty damn flexible.”

Armin blushes and I want to slap Levi for making him uncomfortable and comparing the two. I sigh and remember that life will never be perfect, despite having what I think is the best romantic relationship out of all the people that I know.

We hear a knock at the door and the doorknob turns without waiting for us to respond. Armin rolls under the covers, Levi flees with the towels to the bathroom, but I just stand there naked with my arms folded. If they didn’t want to wait for us to get dressed, they’d have to face the consequences. 

It's Carla and Grisha. They blink and look from Armin, to me, and then back to Armin. “Daddy, why is Armin naked in your bed?” Grisha asks. 

“And why are you naked during the middle of the day?” Carla adds.

“Um…” Shit, I have no idea what to say. “Um, well I suppose I’d have to tell you this at some point anyway. Now is as good a time as any.” I turn to Armin, and he’s blushing bright red. I turn back to the twins and sit down on the bed, indicating they come closer. They reluctantly approach and sit beside me. “Children, you know that your Father and I love each other the way that Sasha and Connie love each other, right? It’s called romantic love, and it’s the kind of love we used to share with your Papa.” They nod as if they understand what I’m saying, so I continue. “Your Papa requested that Armin become sort of a replacement for him after he died. We all know that no one can really replace Papa, but Armin does help out. He helps us so that I don’t get into fights with your Father. You know how sometimes we say not so nice things to each other that we don’t really mean?”

They both nod, then Grisha asks, “So do you love Armin, Daddy?”

I glance at Armin and it’s my turn to blush. “Actually, yes, I’m in love with Armin.” I bite my lip and add, “The same way I’m in love with your Father. We want to be a family together. I’m not asking you to call Armin ‘Papa,’ but…”

Carla interrupts me by saying excitedly, “I’ll call him Papa! I miss having a Papa and Armin reminds me of Papa so he’s the next best thing.”

I look expectantly at Grisha to see his opinion, and the boy just shrugs. “I don’t see why not. He’s already been acting like Papa so why shouldn’t we call him Papa?”

“Hmm, okay then all that’s left is to tell Petra…” I reply with a frown. I have no clue how to tell her, because she’s just old enough to kind of understand but probably not old enough to really get it. Maybe just old enough to be really confused and upset if I go about it the wrong way.

The door opens unceremoniously and Petra darts inside. She crawls in my lap, then throws her arms around my neck and hugs me. “I’m gonna have a new Papa?” she asks excitedly. I can practically see a tail wagging on her bottom, she seems so happy.

I laugh and hug her back. “Would you like a new Papa?”

“Only if he’s Uncle Armin,” she replies sweetly. Then she scrambles off me and jumps on top of Armin, who is trying but failing to hide beneath the covers. “Uncle Armin, I know you’re in there! Daddy says you’re our new Papa. Can you take me to see your ship now?”

The sudden shift in conversation has Armin peeking out. “Only authorized personnel are allowed on the ship, Petra, because we don’t know if there’s anything dangerous on it yet. I wouldn’t want you to get hurt.”

“That sounds just like what a Papa would say,” she says, pouting. She bounces on the bed a couple times before adding, “But I can help you with your work, like painting or something.”

“That’s actually a pretty good idea, Petra, since we do need to repaint it and cover up the Marley name.” He seems to consider her proposition and says, “I’ll let you on the ship only when you can show me you’ve learned how to swim and that you know how to use a floatation device. In the mean time, you can work on your basic survival skills, archery, hunting, knife throwing and self defense. Not to mention, your regular lessons with Aunt Mikasa in reading, writing and arithmetic. Those are all more important than the ship.”

“But the ship can take us to places that all those things can’t, Papa,” Petra counters, and the whole room goes silent as they realize that a) Petra is a hell of a lot smarter than she looks and b) someone has called Armin “Papa” for the first time.

“Yeah, _Papa_ ,” Levi emphasizes from where he stands outside the bathroom, “your ship will be taking us to all those places Eren wanted to visit but never got a chance to. To me, that’s pretty damn important. Petra, once you’ve learned how to swim I want you helping Papa on his ship. It’s better to have two experts than one, and from what I know about sailboats, which is nothing really, it’s good to have a little one that can climb to the highest mast.”

“Levi, this is a ship powered by coal and steam, not by sails,” Armin says with a laugh.

“Well, then teach her about fucking external combustion engines, you…” his words peter off as he realizes he can’t curse in front of the kids for the billionth time. I don’t think he’ll ever remember that we shouldn’t curse in front of them, it’s too much a part of his nature and ingrained when he was a child. “Right, so what I _meant_ to say is that she can be your pupil in a special class on engineering.”

“But what about us?” Carla cries, feeling left out. “Why can’t we take that class too, Father? She’s younger than us and probably won’t even understand anything!” I know that she feels like Petra always gets more attention because of her pretty hair, emerald eyes and angelic face. Not to say that Carla isn’t pretty, but she looks so much like Eren that her beauty somehow seems earnest, dark and tragic rather than brilliant and dazzling the way that Petra’s does.

“Because it’s hard enough teaching one brat, I don’t know if he can handle teaching all three of you at once.”

Armin stiffens and glares at Levi. I can tell he’s taken offense at Levi’s words.

“I’m just saying,” Levi explains with a huff, “if it actually _is_ dangerous in that contraption, it’s much safer to just look after one child at a time. Let him teach Petra, and then once her lessons are done he can teach you and Grisha, since I know you’ll be less likely to make trouble and run off without permission.”

“I don’t run off without permission!” Petra says with her characteristic pout. To be honest, I think she learned it from me.

“Then what about that time, the day after the funeral, when we went to visit Erwin and you got lost in the palace gardens because you ran off without telling anybody?” Levi counters. “You were sobbing when we found you after four hours because you’d been running in the hedge maze and couldn’t find the way out.” 

“That was only one time!” she protests. “And that maze is just creepy. I don’t know why you’d grow a maze to confuse and frighten people in the first place. Plus the roses have thorns. Why grow flowers with thorns that can tear up your best dress?”

Armin sits up and raises his arms in surrender. “Alright, alright, let’s just say I agree to teach Petra about engineering and we explore the Marley steamship together. You do know that we need to have it seaworthy in only a few months for our trip?”

“Yes, we’re all well aware of that fact,” I reply drily. I’m also well aware of the fact that we’re both still naked and I really want to get some clothes on us both before I start to get horny again. Damn Armin for being so cute.

“Then you also know that the work I do on the ship is my top concern and her lessons will be secondary to that, although I’ll keep her safety a priority.”

We all nod.

“Okay then, it’s settled.” He looks around the room and seems to realize he’s still not wearing any clothes. He blushes and adds, “Well, I hope you don’t mind that Papa is naked, but he’s going to have a shower soon and Daddy will probably join him. So Carla and Grisha, can you tell me what you originally came in to talk to us about?”

Grisha says, “Dinner is ready downstairs.”

“Oh.” Armin sighs and looks at me as if to say, _What a long explanation just so they can tell us dinner is ready._

Well, they needed to learn about our relationship status sooner rather than later anyway.

We take a shower, and at dinner we propose the “engineering lessons” to Commander Hange. At first she resists, seeming to be concerned for Petra’s safety. We explain to her that Petra will be with Armin at all times and that we have looked closely at the ship and there are no stowaways or hidden dangers aside from ammunitions, guns and cannons. We are certain that Petra is smart enough to stay with Armin, and that Armin can be trusted to keep her safe. So Hange finally relents and says that Petra is allowed to study under Armin as soon as she can demonstrate the ability to swim unaided.

We had come upon the abandoned ship after our last battle with the Marley, and there were no soldiers or civilians left aboard. We knew nothing about the way the engine worked, or the weapons it had in abundance. We didn’t even know anything about navigation on the ocean, but we had been charged with getting the vessel seaworthy so that we could make the first Survey Corps transoceanic expedition via steamship. Our main goal was to scout the main continents that surrounded our island, draw a map, and if possible make trade and friendly contact with the nations inhabiting them. Historia wanted to clean up our image in the minds of other nations, who might now think of us as demon spawn. I thought that contacting the locals would be a bad idea, especially considering we’d be traveling in a stolen Marley ship.

It only takes Armin a month to decipher the texts left in the ship, since he has the memories of Bertholdt and shifters before him to serve as guides. After that, it’s just a matter of practicing sailing the vessel, gathering food and other provisions for the journey, shipping in coal for use as fuel, and for some, learning how to swim. I never learned how to swim as a child, as the river flowing through my hometown was dirty with waste and laundry water and I’d always been warned to stay away from it. But we have plenty of clean water available now at the ocean, so I take lessons along with Levi and Connie from Mikasa, who had learned in a forest pond with Eren and Armin. Petra, Grisha and Carla are already far more advanced in swimming than I am.

It takes some time, but eventually I build up to being able to swim with basic strokes. I can even stay afloat for up to half an hour unaided. At this point, Mikasa declares that I probably won’t die too soon if the ship goes down. That’s the equivalent of me passing her class. The children, on the other hand, all take to the water like fishes and become much better swimmers than their fathers. And Levi, as talented as he is in the air with omnidirectional mobility gear, remains a piss poor swimmer who can barely stay afloat, no matter how hard he tries. Which isn’t very hard, honestly. He says that the ship isn’t going to go down, so why should he be practicing swimming all the time when he has better things to do?

Those “better things to do” include learning how to use the guns, cannons and other weapons left on the ship, which we’ve decided to rename the Jäger. He also takes the main responsibility for repainting the vessel in Survey Corps green and installing Survey Corps flags and the flag with the symbols for all three military units on it so that no one mistakes whose property it is. He makes sure we have what seems like an enormous load of coal and provisions for the journey, since our trip may take up to a year and we have no idea when or if we’ll be able to get fresh supplies.

It’s spring by the time we’re finally ready to embark on our long expedition. We’re only able to take four squads — Levi’s, Mikasa’s, Armin’s, and mine. However, Sasha and Connie are allowed to come along when they beg Commander Hange, who is also joining us. Levi will serve as ship’s Captain, but Hange will have control over the ship during key situations such as negotiations and battle. All told, there are only nineteen adults and three children traveling. Historia has strongly objected to us taking along the twins and Petra, but we told her that they go with us everywhere, regardless of the danger. To us, it seems more dangerous to have them taken care of at the palace by strangers than always being under our watchful eyes. Although the walls are a good means of protection, they also serve as a cage. It's time the caged birds are set free to fly, including the fledglings.

Historia and Erwin are there to say goodbye to us the night before we set sail. We have dinner together and I get the chance to experience what it’s like to have a wife when she serves Levi and I as if she’s a normal person, and not a queen. It’s a surreal feeling. I don’t think I’d like having a wife; I like doing things for myself and being independent. But it’s good to let the children be around her once in a while, since she is their mother after all. They, on the other hand, are not particularly attached to her, which I think is hard for Historia but good for everyone in the long run. That’s why there aren’t any tears when they say goodnight and goodbye after dinner.

We’re well away from shore, about fourteen hours north in our journey the next evening when we discover we have a stowaway.

“Commander, look what I found!” Connie yells as he mounts the stairs to the main deck. When he comes into view, I gasp and immediately stride towards the two.

“Erwin Reiss Jäger!” I shout. “I can’t believe you hid away on this ship! I can’t imagine how worried your mother is right now!”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Warhol quote was taken from Goodreads at http://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/1203.Andy_Warhol
> 
> The Eren quote *sniffles into Kleenex* was taken from the licensed version in Attack on Titan: Colossal Edition, vol. 1, Chapter 1.
> 
> I decided to write one more chapter. I don’t know why I keep making extra work for myself, but I always find it hard to write concisely!


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